Ort’s List of Band Names

Editor’s Note: This list of Ort’s band names was originally published in the Mar. 31, 2004 issue of Flagpole.

Due to some sort of popular demand (at least three of you have asked), I present to you—for your April Fools’ Day Week enjoyment, bafflement, bumfuddlement and/or utility—an entire column of hypothetical band names from my years of clipboard scratchings. If any of you want to choose one and run with it (or, better yet, amend it for use), fine: put “Thanks, Ort” on your 8-track tape; buy me a kumquat; whatever… it’s no big deal.
All of these are my original ideas unless stated otherwise. Do not expect any great amount of sense to be makeable of some of these: my sensibilities are firmly enough rooted in Dada as it is, or so I fear. The appearance of all this fol-de-rol in print may well fuel the beginning of committal proceedings; besides, after typing up and laying all this out, I will indeed need a rest. Morristown, TN—here I come?

Grey Polka
Lunch Office
Oily Eyes
My Life Inside My Suitcase
In-Body Experience
Bowl Of Car Flakes
Let’s Stay Hat
Jaw Pilot
Lunch Sharpener
Lung Annex
Ankle Food
Golf Soup
Fried Circus
The Neon Coast
Melt The Frontier
Hand-To-Shirt Combat
Gas Until Alvin
Eye Choir
Gull Foyer
Bark As Think
8 Dust
Gas Fiesta!
My Uncle’s Walnut
The After Thigh
Sonic Teeth
Library Of Hat
As Dust As You Think
780 In 3 Mins.
The All-Tonak
Cream Star
Galloping Consumption
Golf Hair
Our Laundry Wig
My Parents, The Shoes
Have An 11
The Lime Hour
Apparent Splarg
2/3 The Doody
Lumbering Feathers
Sinus Coffee
Its: 118
Flat Salad
All That Isn’t Pepper On The Way There
Them Pizza Clear Across My Buddy
That Beef Moment
These Jitters
Pickle Noise
The Asthma Surf
Shovels To Turku
All Fell Down Purpling
Athens/Clarke County Insomnia Team
Tung Anthem
Run-On Pizza
The Grigsby Flame
Her Humidity Shoes
The Miracle Of Lather
Singlefold Towels Do Not Make Good Shoelaces
The Drytossers
The Vauntken Brothers
Sweet As Sink
Olive Suds
Thud Supper
All Those Apricot Pirates
Soup Forecast
Murder By Cornflake
The Grapefruit Are Escaping!!!!!!
Leg Opera
Park The Jethro
Yum! Lightbulbs!
The Magic, Of Comma Splice
Cubic Wolf
Zoysia Breath
Toad Syrup
Lamp Suey
Apathy Clinic, But No One Came
All-Radish Circus
Grits Salad With Eels
The Raw Burnt
Abbr. Assn. Amer.
Liquid Grass
Salmon Motor
Outlaw Plankton
Truth Vending Machine
I Wander Door
Carrot Sharpener
Snoring Paper
Academy Of The Blasting-Gas
3308: Slingshot
The Morocco Paper
Revolving Deputy Alerts Lights
Thought Valet
Refrigerator Veterans Of America
Das Hotelier
The Myssyng Lynx
Cow Pirates
Forgotten Pyrex Shoes
Falling, As In Awning
News Prosthesis
Leftover Airport
Goat Apple
Polish Pickle Rescue Kit
Golf, With Onions
The Sick Old And Their Dependence On Laxatives
Nose Catfish
Apple Parking
Those Wysiwygs
Shoes Aren’t Deaf
I Majored In Knees
Creative Onion Dentistry
Bald Living
Carrot-And-Raisin-Salad Necktie
Your Eel’s Shoes
Theosophical Garden
Your Mind’s Cupcake
Which Lunch Is Lunch, And How Lunch Is It?
Blasting Mustard
Vertical Golf
Amnesty For Johnnie Ray
My Eyes The Lips
Blushing Doorstops
Gurdjieff At Lunch
Gurdjieff For Lunch
Random Pickle
The Za-Zen Toothbrush
10¢ A Swamp
Beef At Work
Vehicular Homicide With Ranch Dressing
I Respond Bean
Soup Knives
Southern Swan Dealers’ Assn.
Home For Retired Repeating Decimals
Vegetable Rights Activists
Sullen Laughers
Watching The Thunder
Homonym Vegetation
Tie Awry
Teflon Lumberyard
Shy Cyclists Association of America
Collapsed Lung On Toast
Parakeet Golf
Vital L
Shy As A Burned-Out Lightbulb
Nose Laundromat
Aromatherapy For Cows
All-Pork Headlights
Salad Clerk
I Go Appliance
Tuna Wrecker
Pleistocene Zipper
Butter Yourself Blue
Fog Collectors
Wing Tip Lunch
Bulletproof Jellyfish
Grotto Pants
Nose Campfire
Jsoack And The Jsoacks
The Kutzschan Brothers
Mind Your H
Man Died Crowing: Thought He Was Chicken, Says Sheriff
Violin Fore
Abner Met The Pope In Toledo
Blunt Trauma Pancakes
Clock Sauce
All-Spinach TV Appliance
Diet Campus
Chin Chips
The Color Whaat
Picabia’s Lunch
Uncle Grape
Mahogany Student
Six Planes Of Time
Turning Trick Into Trichinosis
The Perfect Cubist Enchilada
God’s Own Seahorse
The Color Where
Eyes Died Cleaning
Half Man, Half Mousetrap
Laundry Usher
Vapor Coach
Liquid Tokyo
Blast Of Turkey
The Cubist Spheres
Squirt Forest
Blissful Furniture
Aroma Ronance
Plunger Tax
Shiny Lawn
Skinny Lawn
We Blür
Month Of Hutto
Death Row For Apple
Raisin Fuse
Oil My Neptune
Proud Sister Joe
The Three Of I
More Rhinoceros Than Rhinoceros
The Crampton Vinegar Works
Flora, The Singing Gerbil
Wig Habits
Mr. Kasputsys’ Toothbrush
I Speak Garlic
Assaqunk, CT.
The Happy Saddhus
Running For Pope
The King Fell Noun
El Juarng
Indefatigable Panegyric
Dishrag Eyebrows
Month Of Onion
Do The Moo
Wild That Stuff!
Don’t Eat Our Carpet Jupiter!
Bambi Stole The Keeshka
Nose Splint
Walnuts Are My Fort
Golf (Plural)
Pencil Ham
The Quenching Guest
The Paid Maybe
Polka Dot Appliance
Liquid Puppy
His Lips On Her Eyes
Vulgar Salad Network
Enchilada Shoes
The Coffee Lemons
They Hope Grape
Shafts Of Blacklight
All-Pork Apple
Rose Dentures
Teflon Soup
All-Wooden Alarm Bell
A Charcoal Squint
Phase Change Monitor Network
My Tender Curtain
Map-To-Soup Routine
Naomi’s Anvil Garlic
Golf Liquid
Her Yucca Shoes
Worried Skull
Retired Sandwich
Door Elixir
Hat Music
Your Teeth Have Eyes
Grape Service
Your Asbestos Future
Phantom Pancake
Ear Juror
Color Of Event
Night Uncle
Yummy Shirt
The Quart Man
Plum Thorax
Baggy Shoes
Soybean # 30
Children’s Petting Volcano
They Drill For Catfish
Dial H For Hatchet
TWO qwn
Teeth, Memory
Instant Lamprey
Ketchup Truck
Voluntary Gravy
Organically Grown Telephones
I Smell Paris
He Liquified Podiatry
Where Chops
All-Stucco Troupe
Lunch With Mrs. Oswald
Gourmet Freedom Lozenge
Uncle Bologna
The Letter “:”
Land Alien
Cube, At Noon
Our Door Janitor
Shouting Squirrels
Ham Train
All-Hum Dialogue
Automatic Pirate
Prune Window
Previously, They Were Dishes
Vinegar Whorl
“Uncle ‘Wall-Only”
Knee Dialog
School Of Rhnw
Soup Pontoon
Living Door,
Soggy Ointment
Left, Standing
Submit Owl
Pipe Cleaner Insurance

My old friend Steven Yates contributes a few: it was he who originally came up with Lunch Paper lo those many moons ago.
Soap Opening
Meat Situation
Thee Knormal
Knee Entry
Dream The Third
My Claire Moustache
Puppy Blur
Don’t Item
Going Schwa
Taxi Lens
Priority Sink
Her Drain Memory
I’m Cyst
Glue Howe
Polar Eyes Thursday
Image Abductive
New Cow, Old June
‘38 Back ‘38

Back to more of mine:
Bald Circus
The Bang Man
Gerund Soup
Memphis On The Ceiling
Shoulder Whir
All-Puppy Jury
Unsettled Cleanser
Lamp And Gravy
Patio Chips
Abnormal Lunch
Stomach Rhyme
Colic Pants
Lava Teeth
“Take A Shirt Out Of The Freezer”
Lawn Oleo
Oleo Lawn
Dawn Oleo
Oleo Dawn
Type R Blood
Sanitary Pickle Stockings
Bald Shower
Convicted Of Driving-While-There
Nose Appliance
Ear Typhoon
Reply Soon; Veto Party
Random Clothier
Ham Toupee
Hold My Cough For Ransom
To Cook Piano
Lip Batter
Random Third Floor
Unknown Wafer
Banana Pi
Cream Of House Soup
Her Third Shoe
I Majored In Mouse
His Teeth Are Generals
Spaghetti-Tourniquet Salad
The Rotting Slones
That Okra Man
Liquids For Kennedy
Om 3 X 2
Poor Bald Apple
Noise Or Cufflinks?
Walking The Oyster
Yards Of Doubt
Lung Patio
At The Corner Of Two Parallel Streets
Ghosts Of Dead Overcoats
Banana Nut Floss
Mayonnaise Shrapnel
Partial There
Lotion Fragments
The Bass Soprano
Apple Shutters
Noun Muscle
Participial Avalanche
Dumpster Moon
Two-Cucumber Nap
The Okra Dean
Mouse Nozal
940 Spaghetti
Amnesia Lessons
Arrive Else
The Nothing Man
The Elvis Beatles
She Knew My Desert
Born To Loon
Her Liver Hair
The Noun Lady
On-Paper Waffle
Glass Frisbee
Snazzleberry Pie
Naughty Lettuce
Mr. Fretwell’s Toothache
Those Deer In Yonkers
The Squint Police
Salad Drawer
Whisper Church
Tomato Laundry
Eleven Ibis Fists
The Mad Shovel
Tongue Extractor Kit
Wooden Hose
The Before Man
Cook The Sombrero
5 Collate 5
Pope Lucid XII
Alum Register
Library Bone
Lung Coyote
Half Man, Half Boxcar
Plaid Violin
Lunmn Always Lunmn
Lumber Moon
Too There To Be Here
Before The Before
Since Aluminum Wa
Her Indoor Geese
Our Cow Puppy
Dessert Abrasion
Null Grey Fox
The Truth Shoes
Ham Thorax
Below In Fain
3-D Cook
Going, Going, Here
Zinc Lips
The Boiling Code
Map Of Jelly
The Point Of Being E
Gothic Oire
Lawn Door
The Undernourished House
I Sing The Cabbage
Homer O’Pathic
The Boiling Lips
Student Volcano
Accepting Soup
Nude At Noon
Live Furniture
Flavarobo Eyes
House Of Bleach
No Read This Time
Bolt Lips
Worm Plan
Los I. O. Q. N.
Balsa Milk
Suede Breath
Excerpt # 5
Ramp Chips
Furry Hurry
Putt #19
Mrs. Oldham’s Ether War
The Jailed Cupcake
Appliances Need Sleep
Pizza Runway
Going Bird
Pork Forgets
A Solvent Knife
Pistachio Vent
The Bald Spaghetti
Evacuate (n.)
Sorta Wrench
Salmon Patio
Piston Meat
Cat Cannot Vote
Broom Salad
Weathertight Cantaloupe
All-Meat Stirrups
Zoetrope Technicians
Yo, Typeface
Remarkable Catarrh Cure
36,500 It
The Brain Train
The Fairviews
Geranium Sanitarium
Spaghetti Counterfeiters
Os Muebles
Home Otter Breeding Project
The Custard Din
Tongue Clarinet
Ever-Dry Liver Cleaners
Magic Salad
Os Baldefonics
Dripe Suit
All Them Is Doorbell
Lunch Trauma
Budget Hernia
Hernia Budget
Life Is Only Violin
Drool City
Polio Mansion
Liver Furniture
Deer Music
Spoon Tires
Fear Boarder
Femur Rescue
Sub-Total Garage
Lens Rubber
The January Process
Home Nasal Account
Destiny Washing Machine
Lunch Projector
Grapefruit Host
Half-Man, Half-Parrot
All-Hose Landscape
Steady Throat
No More Shoes For Eyes
My Son Is Not Your Grape
A Myriad Of Slosh
Al’s Spaghetti Room
Dot Your Kleenex
Laundry The Moon
Parallel Hat Cufflinks
Forget Your Spaghetti
6 ozs. Work @ 4¢/oz.
Formerly Lettuce
Pinch This House
Why Wait For Garlic?
Piano Cuffs
The Man Who Invented Kneecaps
Using Pasta For Camouflage
Pliers, WITH Ranch Dressing
Lemon Opera
Chewing Gun With The Colonel
December Slices
Okra Hordes
Jello Saw
36,524 Lt.
Raw Where
Sardine Visit
Shake Hands With Galax
I Was A Teenage Puppy Wrench
Only-Polka Repair Serv.
Golf Bellows
Vote Inside This Bottle
She Knows Spinach
How High Is YOUR Radish
Naugahyde Porchlight
Polka Fries
The Gift Of Soup
Dining While Gripe
Wet Balance
A Present For The Moon
Walk The Gauze
Eyes Don’t Listen
Song Those Shoes
If U Was W
Elmer Fudd Meets The Dentist
Future Drip Grind
Eyebrows Of Alberta
Boiled Furnace
Baked Theatre
Thigh, As In Stove
The Meat Pages
Corduroy Bicycle
Boulder Therapy
All 5 Of His Eyes
Ticking City
The Bald Campfire
Size 68 Parakeet Suit
Salt Parent
Snoot Parfait
Stove Apartments
Gung Therapy
My Liquid Owl
The Now Police
The Used Police
Coughing Instructor
World Irritable Institute
Okra Dump
Lemon Trials
Lemon Trails
Human Garage Sale
Brass Band Chop Suey
Hear The People Meow
Juicy Hamburger Airport
Joe’s Midnight Lunch
Mr. & Mrs. Then & Now
The Cavemets
I Stull The Stull
Lamp Pickle
Ripe Asthma
Chest Deep In Cornflakes
All Dirt Flavors
Neon Farmers
The American Forgotten Shoe Association
Cement Raincoat
Submit Wrench
The Glass Bruce
Liquid Flea
My Blue Head
These Cow
The Trestle Chef
Nose Toast
Zigzag Flames
Home For Sunburned Plankton
The Semi-Him
Granite On Fire
Steel Wool On Fire
Knee Sluts
Fictitious Servants
Bedroom Comet
Purr, As In Catfish
Ham Becomes Telephone Overnight
Sawing Myself In Half
Forever Lozenge
Forgotten Dingbat Exchange
Foam Farm
Uncle Mildred
TAQ 01
7.3 Mih
The Wet Clinic
Eyed To The Moth
Abnormal Shoe Lunch
Pepsin Room
Ensign Room
Guilty Of Radiator
Tomatoes For Brakes
The Nothing Inspector
Knee Deep In Sweat
Super Drab Flakes
Drenched In Toast
Moon Slaw
Uncle The Upholstery
Ape Three
Rubber Snack
Sunken Drapes
The 76th. Fleur
Participial Bondage
Itch City
Ache Closet
Steel-Toed Oatmeal
Floured Duct
Retired Mouse
The Clifton Mockbee Experience
The Slow Sloogy
Gentlemen Collect Air
Dishworkers’ Shoes
Toes Grind The Spirits
Ducks Only After 11
Homemade Airport
Mnbl, Mnbl
Rancid Stamps
Rabid Stool
Blunt Eyes
The Professional Yawners
Nose Bench
The Number Sheriff
Cucumber [Is To] Uncle Dave Macon As Spaghetti [Is To] Oklahoma
Noun Patriot
Nose Deaf
Tall Soup
They Invented Water
Itchy Soup
The Grass Chandelier
Sub-Urban Egg Noises
Mumble Eraser
Luggage Over Lugnuts
(Tubular Attachm’t.)
Stucco Fan
Shoe Chef
The About-Beets
Bouffant Ankles
Egg Dawn
Bad Lunch Insurance
The Pre-Before
Gravel Ointment
Mutual Ketchup Insurance
Poison Pen Lettuce
Yawn Back To Crescendo
Dental Noise
Okra Burglars
Playpen Justice
The Unknown Lung
A Trapezoidal Paradise
Come One, Come Grandmaw
Hat Clinic
Chive Appliance
8 Over 2
Bugle Sanitation
Salad Outage
Ham Interns
Shoes = 11
Toe Poets
One Who Jello
Food Asleep
One Shoes
Dickens County Mud Volcano
Non-Salad Wear
Uncle Apartment 2
The Dull Man’s Dinner Plans
Stalwartized & Run Quiet
Raining For Health
Ham Chair
Taste The Rain
Roast Shutters
Never Doubt Cucumbers
The Stove Police
Retired Whale
Coroner Trombone
Cubist Baldness

My friend D. J. Hack contributes:
Rabid Stamps
Rapid Stamps
Albino Binoculars
Nostril Camp
Sr. Oscoso’s 86-Kilo Gerbil

Robert, one of the world’s best bartenders, tosses in Won Ton Earrings.

More of mine:
Okra Spy
Hour Salad
Grandma’s Tooth Powder
Grim About Egbert
The Hand Polka
Luggage Stew
Coffee Salad
Okra Ballet
Dishes For Eyes
They Lived His Hat
Head Farm
The Sug.
Toaster Fetish
All-Salad Campfire
The Limp Eleven
Head, Tied-Roger
D-217, At Lunch
Lamp Gravy
Shoelaces Kumquat
Amos, Forgot
Mouse Exit
Must Stethoscope!
Horses Make Mistakes
Uncle Lucky Moon
Lunch Editor
Opera Pants
Eye Volcano
Volcano Eye
Lunch, Drain
Pants Cigar
Lime Authors
Ham Telephone
The Deaf Shovel
The Ghost Inside The Suitcase
Designer Lava
The Silent Hum
Thursday Hut
I’m (*)
Nose Pants
Liquid Ankle
The Okra Club
Dye Your Cow
The Einstein Doily
The Anti-Is
7. Soup
Her Hands Went Puppy
The Unknown Railroad
Steamed Telephone
Apt To Knees
Gravy Barn
The Anti-If Machine
Only Tuba For Lunch
Long Green Eyes
Nose Chair
Bait Thinner
Forgot To Te
The Gerund Man
Hum In Dog
Reply Piano
Igor’s Nozal
I Always Sul
Piano Reply
There Salesman
Motorized Spam
Cardboard Boo-Hoo
They Went Lamp
Lobby Hat
Half-Man, Half-Pickup
He Drove Her Dwa
Nose Patsy
That Okra Stool
She Wore Her Nobody Shoes
I Am All Grape
Most Patriot Lunch
Yawn Pants
Slow-Motion Cereal
The Idea Surgeon
Nose Chef
Can Of Shoes
Car Have Chin
Joyous Lemurs
Soup Pirates
Tuln (7)
Head Salad
The Chrome Nixon
The Retired Underwater
Lamp Pizza
Full Snorkel Smile
The Five Of Nose
Hell’s Angels On Okra
The Arf Of Shoes
Nose Pants
Small Household Mammals, Such As Giraffes
Kind Paper
Sumo Waiters
Chef And Third
A Garlic These
Salad Patty
Fingertip Despot
Erotic Well
My Russia Won’t Work
Cubic Wolf
Eraser Of Lips
Furtive Sky
Guilty Sky
Hungry Sky
Greedy Waltz
Yogurt Splicer
Gruesome Discovery Under Horse
Your 7th. Need Not Complain
Ghost Lemon
Basement Moon
Lumber Spout
Corn 2:30
Primal Steam Therapy
Soup Batter
Cosmetic Plug-Ins
Soup Golf
Soup Driver
10 Glue 3
Shattered Corn
All Nose-Ohio
We’ve Gone Ketchup
Shouting Mutely
Iranian Sausage Bock
Jaw City
Egg Underwater
Egg Underwear
Our Liver Sexton
Agony Lamp
Gos Queckers
Deputy 9 Practice
Fish Hatchet
Almost Mouse
Zinnia Shoes
Mouse Replica
Just Nose
Budget Lime
Golf Breath
Gum-Chewing Nudists
Oysters Bleeding
Town Without Pitney
That Grape Conspiracy
Fleas Breaking Wind
He Does Pipe, Chevrolet
Throat Night
Autobiography Of The Wind
Nevada Shoes-Muscle
Thought Garage
As Was Possibly
Mustard Of
Solving The Pickles
Rain Insurance
The Letter “Why”
Elastic Deck
My Life In-Gull
Sorta Wouldn’t
The Night-Japanese
An Enamel Budapest
The New Improved Sleep
Sitting String
The Tamale Club
Tumor Salad
Flannel Floor
Porcelain Moon
Deputy Oil
Random Birdcage
The Twelfth Twice
Shoes (4) The Lonely
Mouse Garbage
Sinus Twirlers
70% Horse
Always Ylwn
Near-Tuba Experience
Count To Iron
Chin Shoes
Bologna Horn
Stainless Steel Parking Lot
Salmon Hinge
Leaking Neighbors
Ironic Rubble
The Marching Trees
Our Leather Oahu
Lather Warehouse
Pre-Nasal Drip
1/10 The
Postal Shoes
New And Used Dixie
Late For Fawn
Mail Myself Blue
1/10 Golf
The Full Perry
Sin # 6
Colon Surfers
Passionate Shirt
Past Participle Apts.
Esophagal Dust
The Escaping Those
Lumber Follicle
French Fried Moon
Class: Crustacea
Tube Cryonics
Oh, So Soap
Okra Luck
Amoeba Clearance Sale
Snoring: Pizza
Truman’s Dirty Dishes
Night Sharpener
Elastic Mouth And Center
Prune Room
Nozzle Camp
Deputy Spinach
The Sound Of Gravy
Taught Bleeding
My Mother The Shoes
Then Drop Soup
Time Lesions
Edible Porch
Yummy Coat
Velvet Snack
Probable Cow
Mow The Cleanser
Slow Teeth
The Excited Egg
Our Liver Coach
Pet Flatworm Comics & Stories
Shout Shoes
All-Pork Section Crew
Piano Gas
7:30 Shirt
The Scribble Man
10X The Backstop
Archery With Potato
Redundant Ambulance
Fish Feet
Los Calvin
Tomato Snout
Towel Hurry
Cubist Hurricane
Plexiglass Umbrella
Baseball Cadillac
Of I’ve Onion
Used As Horse
The 50¢ Hitman
Shin Food
Draft Polka
Lumber Diapers
Tin Lozenge
If Dental, Suitcase
Third Glove
Doorbell Salad
Luminous Ham
Vacuum Ranch
Don’s Cleanser Facts
Deaf Salad
Crab: Nebulous
Spoon Shoes
Rhyme Panther Skirt
Laundry Pageant
Otter Pants
All-Ears Breakfast
Luscious Eel Chops
Op-Ed Watermelon
Leaf Ballet
The Doorknob Club
Her Sundown Laugh
Worn Puppy
The Lone Salad
Pencil Fog
The Answer Cat
Lef 2+2
The If There
Squid 19
Diphtheria Moon
Cleanser Dawn
Okra Tunnel
Rug O’s
Spend All Night Taking Out The Mouse Garbage
Cajun Nose Trap
‘Cello Lessons Online
Handlebar Mitzvah
Too Alice To Be Alice
Ear Sorting Machine
The 8 After Schwa
Seaweed Hubcaps
7/6 The
Sidekick To Presidents
Nose Sharpener
Carrot Suspenders
Poor Lonely Sponge
Dondi Avoid Hammer
Turtle Repair Kit
The Noise Of Canopy
Calliope Breath
Safety Pin Banquet
Sandbar Etiquette
Lost Raviolus
Our Vanilla Pets
Yawn Me Turquoise
Catfish At Night
All-Ant Horticulture
Flounder Shades
Wooden Gravy
Appliances Snore
Now Shavings
Lip Closet
The Backfiring Cupcake
Laundry Bacon
Black-Tie Spaghetti Supper
The Now Closet
Sky Imposter
Hear The Sky
Jaw Sky
Butt Drops
Long Soup
Lugnut Catsup
Son Of Golf
Walk The Pope
Suet Response
April As Category
Shoes That Vote
10/73 Here
His Lime Empire
Together Fumes
25¢ Vacation
Size 9 Moon
Sore Clarinet
Vacuum The Moon
Public Whale
Confetti Belt
When (# 28)
Waltz Chips
Felony Gravy In Jail
Trauma Chops
Liquid Vacation
Gummi Mailbox
Earthworm Paper
Lamp Scrooge
Onion Hotel
All-Moo Orchestra
Lap Toast
All-Mouse Diet
Whale Belt
Welding Corn
Artillery Pie
Electric Dentures
Noun Party
String Table
Laundry Umpire
Judge Not Lest Ye Be Postum
Vote For Your Favorite Volcano
Life As A Fragrance
Lunch At Midnight
Her Tomorrow Shoes
The Vaguely Aware
Won’t Cough Add Bassoon
Golf I Have Of Hat
Freeze-Dried Tourniquet
Gasping For Lettuce
Terrifying Cycle Sorties
Land Of Now
Bruce Hat Appliance
All-Used Tomorrow
The Bruised Subway
Melting The Furniture
Ramp Neither
History Forgets
Random Pepper
Month Of Vine
Tired Dimestore Excuses
Suburb Of Shoes
Son Of Wall Fury
7/8 Repair Kit
Guns Having Nightmares
All Walk Acorn
Rubber Dean
The Lame Wall
The Blue Sleep
Teflon Moon
Off Ramp Polka
Rubber Door
Lung Crazy
Hula Bolt
9 Noon E
Ham Brakes
Solid Air
Lamp Cuffs
The Overflowing Ostrich
Anti-Here Vaccine
Son Of Baked Grape
Livermush Standard Time
Instant War: Add Only Water
Why Don’t Cloves Have Teeth?
All-Clown Dubuque
Dichotyledenous Monocots
Half-Stove, Half-Martian
Live The Catwalk
Do Catfish Snore?
2/3 In
Macaroni & Cheese Insurance
The Apathetic Activists
The Underused Goalpost
The Sequestered Plunger
The Sorrow Of Appliances
Put That Ham In Jail!
Give Your Teeth A Day Off
Fruitcake Moon
Gum Ranch
Ten To Where
Pinecone Hernia
The Anti-Floor
Art For The Deaf
Hanging Ketchup
The Dept. Dept.
Listened-To Socks
Gone Volcano
Porch And Chips
How The Terrible Sway
Sugar Shirt
Temporarily Parrot
Nozzle Cuffs
Nose Collar
Swimming Zero
The Steam Walter
My Vacant Bath
A Stack Of One
The Dark Since Cleveland
Paper Sleet
Toenail Japan
Sad Little Toaster
Underwater Sky
Famous Eggplants Of Iowa
Dill Saw
Lab Muscles “O. K.”
A Stack Of Charlotte
My Pi Ambulance
Puppy Laundry
Dozing Chives
Dill Puppy
Overdue Grunt Appliance
Wrenches For The Deaf
Polite Knees
Nose Shelves
The Prune Defence
Miraculous Dropsy Cure
Her Coyote Shoes
Proper Leavage
Meat Nouveau
Thigh Sign
Nose Acreage
Raw 2’s
The Cement Olive
Nose Barn
Hollow Water
Glass Soup
Noisy As Food
720, Is
Early As Lawn
The Chewed Eleven
Same Cardboard Sleep
Baltic Panama
Nimbus Train
Dr. 126
BL. 2
The World, Unsaid
The Ache Of Noon
The Drowse Queen
The Thimble Man
The Handaprils
Lung Doily
Boxcar Breath
Tetanus Matches
The Retrained Hydrangea
Wake Up And Smell The Golf!
Nose Chimes
Nose Church
Nose Waist
The Diggaw Bros.
Untold Between There And (Drowsy)
Pride Flakes
Two-Tone Pickle
Convertible Catfish
Some Grapefruit Sleep
The Unaware Governors
Chewy Admiral
The Sleepwalking Catfish
All-Moon Diet
The Brutal Ameba
Nose Farmers
Death By Parmesan
Brake Salad
Pickle Ankles
Vegan Ghouls
Discount Moon
Annually, Rattles
Aerosol Beard
Burnt Toast By Gould
Eat Doily
Amoeba Music
A Date With Uncle Boo-Boo
Pencil Tonic
All-Wool Ceiling
Aspire To Respire
Moon For Rent
The Always Here
Toxic Butt Clinic
The Bellowing, Stuck Amoeba
Take 0
I Married Khrushchev’s Daughter
Lawn Dentures
Toaster Romance
Hand-Held Garlic Wonder
Oi Waterspout
Shoe Snout
Schwa Towtruck
Okra Barn Gas
Ridiculous Croassroads Pants
Tomato Report Card
Waltz The Lumber
Hand Porch
Troubled Pants
Vague The Lumber
The Ask Murderers
Sofa Lips
7 = 4
All 3 Hat
Symptom: Toast
Biography Of A Thunderstorm
Vat 11:
The 73rd. The
That Suez Molecule
Boat Vitamins
Bald Soup
Ear House
Paragraph π
Poultry Lessons
The Pitted Child
Tragic Doorknob Flesh
Sedro Wooley Watchpocket
Blink Wool
Maynard Krebs’ Bathwater
Beef The Impossible
Nose Drop Soup
0.2 Blat
Solid 12
Raisin Bloodhounds
Gladys The Co
Mood 13-J
Don’t Lung
The Now Imposter
It Doesn’t Hat
Numb Closet
Long Tried Hips
5 Foot Howl
Sudden Lozenge
Whole Wheat Ham
Allergic To Sleepy
The Cobweb Within
Lunch Jury
Ham22, e
The Glass Tomorrow
Census Pants
The Dull Door
Spinach Lamppost
The World Of Canvas Olives
Uncle Dandruff Breath
The Pants She Shoes
The Tin Queen
Dialing Nose Crayons
Salmon Turret
Mouse Dump
The Novel Chin
Convex Potholes
Thud Soup
Pile Of Elevens
Tunnel Soup
Nacho Clock
Drip-Grind Polka
Ear Guys
Lug Anthem
Sarcofag R Us
Inhale Puppy
Uncle Normal
Trichinous Curb
All-Wool Stare
Utah List
Septic Tank Elvis
Adobe Marsh
Dub Lettuce
Gold Feet
Lamp Of Verbs
Wool Sea
Turntable Soup
Escaped Laundry Patients
She Went Chin
Molar Depot
Clock Heater
Taco Bath
Lip Noon
Tooth Ferry
Mr. It
Instant Airport
The Anti-Here Machine
Vacant Lungs

If none of those will do, ask your Aunt Elmo. Good luck with your Suds Volcano! Speak The Porch!!

William Orten Carlton = ORT
Special Correspondent For The Flagpole

William Orten Carlton played in the bands Doorknob Teeth, Low-Riding Cadillac, Insomniac Nightcrawler, Goss And The Flatbed Press, and Vinyl Radio.