Hey Bonita,
I’m interested in your advice, but admittedly this is also partly a missed connection reachout. Last Friday I met a woman at Church bar, we talked half the night, and we seemed to really connect. When I got home I realized I never asked for her number. While talking, I did find out where they work… so now I’m debating if stopping by sometime is a completely creepy and inappropriate thing to do or an acceptable way to reconnect. I haven’t seen them downtown before, so I don’t feel confident in just running into them again by chance. Part of me feels like if she wasn’t interested or comfortable with me, then she wouldn’t have told me where she works? So that makes it OK? But that could be a hopeful projection on my end, and maybe cringy. What’s the right move here?
Missed Connection
Hey there,
I think you’re amazing for asking yourself these questions! Most people—and especially women—would indeed be a bit creeped out by someone they met casually showing up at their workplace and demanding their attention. I mean, I’m sure you wouldn’t feel like you’re being demanding, but what else do you call it when someone comes into your workplace with the intention of you not doing your job and just hanging out with them instead? And she might have told you her workplace because she was having a fun conversation with a person who seemed safe and trustworthy enough to know that about them. You should trust your instinct that this is a bad move, and instead just wait for the universe to bring y’all together again. You already party at the same bar, and the uniqueness of the “scene” at Church makes me assume that y’all probably have friends in common already. I’m sure you will see her again, and that’s when you should shoot your shot. I think of it like something kismet: If you’re meant to smash, then the universe will ensure that you two smash.
Hey Bonita,
I’ve got a rollercoaster situation and can’t tell up from down right now. I got engaged about a week and a half ago. My (maybe) fiancé and his family live outside of Athens, and his family decided to throw a really expensive engagement party last weekend closer to where they live. I know it was expensive because they were making a really big deal about it beforehand, which we didn’t ask them to do, but I know this means a lot to them. We were getting ready for the dinner at his place, and when I went to put on my engagement ring, I couldn’t find it. I was freaking out because I couldn’t go to my engagement party without my ring. What would I even tell his family when they asked to see it? So I tore the house apart for over an hour, getting more and more emotional about the situation. Finally I sat down and cried, and that’s when my fiancé pulled the ring out of his pocket. He laughed it off and said it was just a prank, but I was so beyond upset that I blew up on him. He said I was making too big of a deal [out] of a little prank and to just finish getting ready. Long story short, we were already late for the party, and I decided not to go and went home instead. That was maybe not the best move, but the only thing I felt like I could do in the moment. Since then, he and I have been fighting nonstop about how I disrespected his family and they wasted all this money on our party. I didn’t want this situation to blow up into something bigger, but I feel so disrespected right now. If this is a preview of the future, I don’t want to be treated like this. Am I out of line here or being too dramatic?
Anon
Hey Anon,
That was a really shitty move on your fiancé’s part, and I agree that this is absolutely some red flag behavior. Why would he let it go on until you are panicked and crying? What’s funny about that? I’d be furious, too, and I have a feeling that this isn’t the only time he’s shown his ass and gaslit you afterwards. Also, it was his family’s choice to trick their dough on a party you didn’t even want, so that’s on them. Yeah, friend, you have some thinking to do about your future.
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