AdviceHey, Bonita!

Virginity Is Valid for Some

Hello there!

I wanted to offer a “rebuttal” of sorts (no pun intended—well, perhaps slightly) after a recent bit of advice to a writer who was desperate to open her body up to the public [“I’m Ready to Lose My Virginity,” Apr. 11]. I certainly understand that modern times are rapidly changing, and that there is a certain stigma around maintaining virginity for health or moral reasons. However, I would propose that there are still “archaic” folks out there who believe that sexual experience is a beautiful and treasured thing, and is more than just a cherry to pop.

I am not going to impose anything on anyone, but there are scientific studies that prove that sex develops intimate bonds between people. For humans, it is more than just a physical act, whether we think so or not. There is nothing wrong with saving it for someone special, not to mention the risk of diseases that accompany multiple partners. Call it old-fashioned, but facts are facts.

It does so happen that I have personal beliefs that prompt me to be one of that rare breed who chooses to wait for the marriage bed. Call me crazy, but I am a 30-year-old virgin (unicorn!) going strong. Again, that is a personal choice that I will not force on anyone else. Nor will I judge and condemn those with other lifestyles. But just know that some of us out there still consider the body a sacred thing, specially reserved for not just anyone. Thank you for your public service, advice and understanding.


Still Single and Celebrating Celibacy

P.S.: By the way, not that it matters, but I am more than content. I do not practice masturbation or have desire to do so. If the right guy comes along and I wed one day, great. If not, that’s OK too. I know, the unicorn horn is growing.

Hey, dude, it’s your body! All decisions made around its use and access are yours, and I support every single one of them. Your reasons are great because they’re yours, and that other writer’s reasons are great for the same reason.

Here’s a secret for you: Bonita, the most unintelligent slut in town, has actually been celibate for the past two years. I also believe in the emotional bond of partnered sex and view it as something to be treated more sacredly than we’re known to treat it around these parts. That’s a personal decision of mine, and that’s why I never shared it with you, my sweet public. I’ve got about a month and a half before it makes two years proper of choosing to say no to sex, and I’m very happy with how this experience has turned out for me. Maybe I’ll write a special column all about it—who knows?

My point is, I advised that young lady to hit the town and “buss it open” because that’s what she wanted to do, and I did that while actively choosing the complete opposite for myself. My experience of celibacy has been rich and fulfilling and not really that lonely, much like your own, though I do masturbate, and I see regular masturbation as a sign that a person has a healthy self-image and attitude towards sexuality.

Also, you seem to be a victim of the common scare of disease in a world where most people aren’t afraid to ask about someone’s status. In addition, there’s PrEP now, which greatly lowers the chances of acquiring HIV. If you feel better abstaining altogether for any reason, that’s great. I just have to point out the fallacy of holding up STDs as a sure thing for people who have casual sex, because sexual health is actually pretty easy to maintain if you have access to resources. Between the clinic on campus, the county health department, private physicians, free testing services sponsored by various charities and free prophylactics that are ever-present at LGBT events in Athens, I have to disagree with you on that. As you said, facts are facts. You’re sharing a lot of your own opinions about the risks of casual sex and the benefits of waiting for marriage, but that’s all they are—opinions. At the end of the day, I would describe us as similarly principled people who are applying those principles in different ways. Thank you for sharing your story.

Need advice? Email, use our anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.


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