Advicereality check

Reality Check

I recently had a horrible experience at a local business. The food was great, but the manager was a completely rude and disrespectful to my husband.  I complained to the owner, but he made matters worse by saying his manager did nothing wrong and became very nasty to me.  I threatened to write negative reviews on various websites and on Facebook.  He made comments like I was just trying to get free food and other crude comments.  All I wanted was an acknowledgment that the manager’s actions and comments were not needed and only made the situation worse.  He provided horrible customer service… period.  He should have keep his mouth shut if he wanted to be able to do anything to solve the complaint at hand.  What else can I do?



What you can do, Anonymous, is not patronize said local business any longer. And you can tell your friends what happened and tell them not to patronize that business any more either. You can shout from the hilltops, write the guy a letter, and make up t-shirts about how much that place sucks. You were treated poorly by the owner, Anonymous, so not giving money to the business means not giving money to him. If he and his staff are really that rude and they treat enough patrons poorly, they will go out of business. What you can’t do, Anonymous, is write an anonymous letter to an advice column, calling the guy out in said column with no way for anyone to verify your story. Did you seriously think I was going to print that?

I am a single guy in my late 40s. I have been single for too long, so recently I went back to an Internet dating site. I met a couple nice women and went on a couple good dates. The first two were great people who I had fun with, but at the end of our respective dates we both decided that there was no “spark.” In both cases, we wished each other good luck and moved on.

The third woman I went out with was great. We had a short date the first time over coffee, and after talking nonstop for an hour (that’s all the time we both had at the moment), we agreed that we needed to see each other again. On the second date, we went out for dinner. We talked some more. We definitely have a lot in common. That was great. We lingered over drinks, and then said good night very chastely and said we would talk during the week to set up a third date. I felt like I might finally have found somebody I could get to know.

I left her a message two days later, and she didn’t return my call. Three days after that message, I sent her a text, seeing if she wanted to meet up for lunch sometime over the weekend. Nothing. Then she sent me an email and said she thought we should just be friends. My response: “Friends? I don’t even know you yet. I thought we were just friends.” I’m not really looking for more friends right now. I need a woman that I can date. I said as much. She said she liked me and wanted to see me again, but not romantically. I am stupid, so I agreed. 

We went out the following week. We had a good time and had plenty to talk about, but I respected what she said she wanted and kept my distance. Now she has started texting me regularly. Her messages are flirty, which is weird, but then she will talk about other guys: her neighbor, guys in her office whom she is attracted to, etc. What the hell am I supposed to make of that? I guess I thought maybe if she got to know me more she might give me a chance, but now I don’t know what to think. What should I do?



What you should have done was followed your instincts. You liked her a little, she wanted to be friends, you aren’t looking for more friends. You should have told her “Thanks, but no thanks.” You didn’t, and that’s fine. Do it now. It is weird that she wants to be your friend even though she knows you want to date her, but then she turns around and starts talking to you about other guys right away. I guess maybe she was just trying to make sure you understood that she meant what she said? It doesn’t matter. You already said you weren’t looking for more friends. She has made it clear that any hope you were holding out that she would come around was pointless. Cut your losses. The more time you spend with a woman who isn’t your friend and doesn’t want to be your girlfriend, the less time you have for your real friends and potential dates. 


Confidential to Grownup: You either love her or you don’t. Or maybe you love her but you aren’t willing to do what she needs you to do to make her happy. In any case, you seem to be prolonging the inevitable. If you have any respect for her you will put an end to this so-called relationship. Acting the way you know she wants you to without the feelings to back it up is not “being nice.” It is unnaturally cruel, and the longer you do it the more cruel you are. Don’t pretend like you are staying in this thing for her. She may not know it yet, but she will be a thousand times better off when you get the fuck out of her life. You are not “a good person.” You are an asshole in potential husband’s clothing. Now quit being a bastard and tell her the truth. Otherwise, you’re just cock-blocking the guy she should actually be with, and nobody likes a cock-blocker.