On the Road with Chief Scout, Heyrocco and Concord America: Injury Report

Chief Scout, Heyrocco and Concord America are reporting for Flagpole from the road.

Good morning everybody. This is Dale, and I’m coming to you live from having the worst sleep I’ve ever had in my life—and this is coming from a guy who sleeps in complete filth and on a mattress that I bought so long ago I think Jimmy Carter was in office. I slept on a wood floor in between two or three of these other smelly kids, cats walkin’ around my head all night, I’m freezing to death. Today seems like it’ll be terrible. 

We’re playing in Clemson tonight, which is only 45 minutes from where we are in Greenville, so now we had a ton of time to kill. The boys all wanted to go and hike to this waterfall, and that sounded like an awful idea. Honestly, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in about four years, and I can overlook that at home, in my bed, but out on the road it’s way worse, and my dogs are already barkin’. I would love to just sit back at the house, kick my feet up, maybe put on a little “Judge Judy” while I air out my good shirt.

So, I politely suggested a day to rest, and they just completely ignored me. Next thing I know we’re on the way to this waterfall. We stopped at Subway for lunch. I hate Subway. Nobody here listens to me. 

So we go to this waterfall… You know, it was actually pretty nice! Beautiful waterfall, the sun was out, some pretty ladies walkin’ around: Not bad! But naturally, as soon as I was comfortable, they wanted to leave again. We ended up driving to this other park in town, which was great for me, because while they were skating down hills and chasing after geese, I took a nap under a nice tree, although it was cut short when a dog came over to me and stuck his face right in my crotch and started biting at me. I figured he must have smelled the bacon in my pocket, but I’m not sharin with no mangy dog, so this guy can just amscray. 

After these guys run themselves down a bit, we decided it was finally time to hit Clemson. I applied to get in there once, but I didn’t have the grades or the money, and I also like to sleep a little too much, so maybe it wasnt right for me. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.

They played this bar called Backstreets, which paid them mostly in beer and pizza, which they seemed to be fine with. I got a little free cold pizza—eh, it was alright. Those handsome guys in Heyrocco threw their lines in with the ladies and got a couple bites, so they left with them. We’re staying with another friend of theirs, which I’m assuming means I’ll get the same luxury accomodations I got yesterday.

The next morning, we got some breakfast, and then we went to the botanical gardens to kill some time before we had to be in Columbia. Not even 20 minutes in, Ben falls off the scooter and really bangs his ass up. I mean, he flipped over the handlebars, scraped the hell out of most of his back and landed right in a pile of ants. This kid literally must have 100 or so bites on his arm and, most likely, a dislocated shoulder. He looks like shit!

Imagine that: They nearly kill themselves on skateboards mere hours earlier, then they go play in a skate shop. 

So, we spent the day in the hospital waiting around for him. The nurse that took him back was pretty hot. I figured I’d ask her what she’d say to a cheeseburger, and then one day I could be a stepfather for whatever kids she’s got runnin’ around, but she totally blew me off. Ben gets out of the ER and he says he can’t play guitar for the whole rest of the tour, so I thought it was done for, but nah, he wants to do the whole thing in a sling—sounds crazy, but alright! 

We get to Columbia around 9 p.m.—they’re playing this place the Bluetile Skate Shop. Imagine that: They nearly kill themselves on skateboards mere hours earlier, then they go play in a skate shop. Chief Scout played first. They were good tonight, but let me tell ya, they ain’t no Leather Panther. Trey from Chief Scout is now doing the guitars for Concord America, too, so Ben’s just dancing around with his arm in a sling. I think to myself, “You know, what’s this kid doing, he’s just gonna ruin his arm like that,” but the people seemed to be pretty into it.

Heyrocco played a decent set too. They’re pretty good. We went to their friend Cam’s house to sleep, and I just wanted to hit the hay immediately, but of course they all gotta stay up talking about nothin’ all night. Then they yelled at me for sleeping with my pants off. What, I can’t even get comfortable here? Then this guy’s dog licks my face all night. Another night of my ears ringing and everyone chugging Smirnoffs. Can’t wait for another week and a half of this nonsense.