Hey Bonita,
Did you ever think someone was really cool until they weren’t? I’m going through this with my longtime roommate and friend whom I’ve lived with since the dorms and am now sharing a house with for grad school. We’re both girls, so we have a lot to bond over, and she’s never boring; we have so much fun together most days. We’ve both changed a lot since undergrad, but we’ve really grown together, so to speak, and she’s always had a good head on her shoulders concerning politics, social justice and all that good stuff.
Everything changed once the coronavirus hit. I came back for the fall to find her complaining about the social distancing measures at her work and on campus, too. We went to a store the other day, and she just stormed away because they were only allowing so many people inside at a time, and we were gonna have to wait. I think she expected all of this to be over after the summer, and honestly so did I, but I don’t want there to be another outbreak.
The biggest problem is that she is bringing people to the house. I wanna hang out with friends, too, but there are plenty of patios downtown for that. I even suggested this, and she just took it as her opportunity to talk about how everyone is freaking out over nothing and was even talking about this being some sort of conspiracy to control us or something. She wasn’t making sense, so I just dropped it. But now I find my respect for her decreasing, and I feel less like being polite when she goes against my wishes and invites her guy and his friends over. We don’t mince words with each other, so I’m worried that I’m gonna go off on her. She’s showing me something I’ve never seen in her, and I don’t like it one bit. I wouldn’t tolerate this out of anyone else! I’d love your take on how I can nip this in the bud and keep my friend and roommate, because I am not trying to find a new place to live so early in the semester.
Thanks,
Held Hostage By A COVID Denier
Hey there HHBACD,
Social distancing started during spring break this year, and we’re still at it, and I don’t love it either. I thought we’d be done by now, too, but no amount of wishful thinking or staunch denial will make it so. It’s tempting to just act like this isn’t happening, and plenty of people are doing exactly that, but they increase the risk for us all by ignoring their responsibility to the community for an evening of selfish socializing. There are whole party houses being shut down in the Los Angeles area because some folks would rather do it for the gram than not get their elderly relatives sick. I mean, do you have any idea how badly I’d like to get laid? Your grrl Bonita is hurting for it right now, but she’s not randy enough to risk bringing COVID-19 into her parents’ home. My dad’s health outweighs my orgasms, and please don’t ever tell him that I wrote that sentence.
Your roommate is being selfish as hell, which is something she can’t be in a shared home. Reiterate to her the fact that you both live there (I hope you signed a lease; otherwise, she could totally pull a “my house, my rules”) and that compromise will forever be the name of the game. Offer to let her have guests on the porch or outside, or suggest she go to their homes instead. The brattiness and complaining surely can’t be fun for you, but I think that if you assert yourself as someone who takes COVID-19 seriously, she’ll figure out that yours is not a sympathetic ear for her denialism. I believe that if you assert your position and lay down firm house rules, then hopefully she will settle down and start acting like your buddy again. And moving out isn’t fun, but living alone is amazing. Just wanted to put that out there.
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