AdviceHey, Bonita!

My Guy Can’t Get it Up

I’ve recently started dating a guy with severe erectile dysfunction. We’ve tried to have sex about four times at this point, but each time he can’t maintain an erection after about four minutes of sex. Each time he says this never happens to him, that it’s just because this is a new sexual relationship, and he’ll get over it soon. That was a month ago! Now, when we do have sex and he has trouble keeping it up, he’ll usually just please me until I’m where I need to get to. That’s awesome that he’s such a giver, but I love intercourse and don’t feel satisfied afterward, even if I do climax from whatever it is that we decide to switch to.

I don’t want to dump this guy, but I’ve been considering going out and bringing a random dude home just so I can get my needs met. Please tell me EVERYTHING I need to know to be more patient and to help this guy with this erectile problem. We haven’t been dating for very long, so I don’t want to recommend pills or anything.

Please don’t cheat. Still, I’d probably take off if I were you. Sounds cold, but he’s just not meeting your needs, nor are you two serious enough yet to seek out doctors or therapy—your two best bets for really addressing this rather common health issue. Either he’s getting too nervous to perform, or this guy is using some sort of substance that hinders his sexual function. Years before I lived here, I dated a cocaine addict who regularly could not get an erection, and right after him was an alcoholic with the same plight.

Then again, I dated a local guy with erectile issues who turned out to be a compulsive masturbator who pleasured himself at least seven times daily, much to the chagrin of his roommates. He had so much fun alone that he was literally out of steam by the time he made it to my bedroom. It never got very serious with any of these guys, so I never addressed the issue. I just put up with bad sex until I couldn’t bear to return their calls anymore.

If you really like this guy, sit down with him and talk honestly about the issue. Try your best to get honesty out of him, because all three of my exes claimed they’d “get over it” too before coming clean about the causes of their own dysfunction. If you see a future between yourself and this guy, encourage him to see a doctor or clean up his act. If he’s really just Mr. Right Now, I’d recommend dumping him.

In my last relationship, I was a terrible girlfriend. I cheated on him, I acted insane, I had more issues than Vogue. It has been two years, and I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and self-improvement. I realize that, in the breakup, I lost not only a boyfriend but almost everyone in our friend group. I deserved it.

Athens is such a small place that I avoid certain areas of town because I know those are his frequented spots. I don’t expect anyone to forgive me, but I do want to get out more often. How should I go about this without being all up in his space? I don’t think it would be a big deal if I ran into him or his new girlfriend, but I really don’t want to make it awkward.

It’s a Small World After All

It’s been years, right? Go out anyway. Athens is small, but we all know and accept this. Sounds like when all this went down, it was very dramatic and public, and those kinds of breakups make for crazy stories that get shared amongst groups of friends for years. So, yeah, people will remember what happened, but it’s probably more of a funny story now, as opposed to a legitimate reason to not talk to or socialize with you. Your first week back in your old haunts might be awkward, but people will get over it. If Athens is one thing, it’s a forgiving city, and I’m sure anything insane you did years ago will be chalked up to idiot youth. Please go out and enjoy this town. Welcome back!

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