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AdviceHey, Bonita!

I Keep Fantasizing About Another Guy. Is My Marriage On the Fritz?


I’ve been happily married for six years. And I’m a mom. And I have a massive crush on my boss’s brother. I don’t get myself; my marriage has only gotten better over the years (we got married too damn young), but lately I can’t help but think about an affair with my boss’s brother, whom I’ve known as an acquaintance for a few years now. I have no intention of leaving my husband, I’m not bored, and my sex life is awesome. So, what the hell? Why do I keep slipping into fantasies of hooking up with this other guy? I don’t even know if he’s a good kisser, for crying out loud. Is this my mind’s way of telling me that my marriage is on the fritz? Help me please!

Going Astray

Astray,

I get it. You’ve been with this guy for a long time, and y’all got together when you were young. You hadn’t “sown your wild oats” before tying the knot, as King Jaffe Joffer would put it. Your marriage isn’t on the fritz, hon. If you think you got married too damn young, then I agree. Your hubby’s not doing anything wrong, apparently. Your eyes are wandering because you haven’t really tasted enough fruit to satiate you.

Please GOD do not cheat on your husband. I’m vacillating right now between two very different types of advice: You could tell your husband about your feelings and recommend opening up your relationship to others, but know that some people will take that suggestion personally. He might think you’re not happy with him. On the other hand, you could just take your crush for what it is and get super freaky with your boo. You are human, and you have every right to desire sex with whomever you want, but we can’t always follow through, can we? So use this newfound sexual energy to pound the love of your life through the mattress. If it’s really just a crush, you’ll eventually forget about him. Trust me.


How do I keep myself from becoming completely bitter and jaded about love before I’m even 30, when dating as a woman in Athens completely blows?

Every Woman in Athens Ever

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Full disclosure: The sender didn’t actually give herself that pseudonym—I did, because every single lady friend of mine in this town has expressed this sentiment at some point in her life.

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about Athens, it’s the lack of happy couples. There are a few well known and happy pairs that everyone celebrates and coos at in public, but mostly it’s about 200-or-so 20- and 30-somethings swapping a few different strains of HPV every night. People are always sleeping together before going on dates here. I banged all of my exes in this town on the first night we ever hung out alone. And I was drunk every time.

And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling disposable and unimportant. So are you. I can tell. Both of us are worth a phone call or a cup of coffee. But we both mess with the type of people who only have sex at 3 a.m. with a bellyful of Macallan. Athens, we are selling ourselves incredibly short. I wonder if anyone in this town truly knows how beautiful and special they are? What I’m trying to say is, you’re a winner; we’re all winners in this town. I mean, we’re total messes, too, but we’re beautiful in our chaos. And we should honor that in each other.

If I were to give you practical advice that you could apply today, I’d say that you should date older people who are genuinely looking to partner up and settle down. In the meantime, get into your goddesshood and seek out the beauty in the people around you. Open your heart and say what you mean. This will scare off the jerks who just wanna get laid. It can be scary to put your heart on your sleeve, but your heart is beautiful. Show us.

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