AdviceHey, Bonita!

How Do I Tame My Wild Cousin, and What About My Roommate’s Loud Sex?

I’m worried about a family member—specifically my young female cousin. She’s only 18 and has a 2-year-old, which I know is actually pretty common these days. She hid her pregnancy for the first few months somehow, which I suppose makes her think she’s smarter than the rest of our family now. She really wants to be a model and is gorgeous with a great model body, but she only does that greasy, covered-in-baby-oil, butt-centric modeling.

She has no day job that anyone knows of, and her trips to Atlanta are so few and far between that she can’t be making enough to support herself and her kid. She has a somewhat popular Instagram and is constantly getting new tattoos, outfits and hair-dos, but again, she has no job that any of us know of.

The real kicker is that two weeks ago she was at a hotel party and there was a gunfight! She realized she was shot after the havoc died down and drove herself to the hospital. She’s currently in the hospital after having surgery on her intestines. I’m losing my mind! How do I save this girl’s life? Is it even possible? She comes off as kind of dumb in that she will simply stop speaking if she doesn’t like the conversation topic, so I’m reluctant to even try to talk with her. She simply does what she wants, and I’m so sick of seeing her fail.

First, I want to discourage you from calling your young cousin dumb. Most young girls stop talking once subject matter gets weird for them, or if they feel they’re being attacked. She might be a mother, but she’s also an 18-year-old girl. Do not make her an adult in your head before she’s an actual adult, because you will be nothing but disappointed by everything she does. She is basically still a child who defers when adults speak, and kids get silent when they feel they’re being chastised or attacked. And that’s perfectly OK.

Also, I get the hint that you think she’s a sex worker beyond being a cheesecake model. Be sure about that before you start judging her, and actually, don’t judge her at all unless you intend to provide for her son yourself.

I don’t think it’s possible to “save” anyone, really, especially at that age. When I was 18, you couldn’t tell me nothin’. I knew that I was a great person who was destined for fame, but seeing as how I’m currently not an MTV VJ living in the loft from the original “Real World,” I understand now that I was fantasizing and didn’t know shit. Those are lessons we learn the hard way, so give your cousin the space to live and learn.

Remind her that firearms are dangerous but modeling is safe, and encourage her to move her career in a more legit direction. Don’t talk down to her or shame her, because her knee-jerk reaction could be to ignore you and do the exact opposite.

My roommate and her boyfriend have really loud sex at least once every week. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. NOT sexy. They wake me up at night when they stumble in, and then I can’t get back to sleep because of the noise. I’m not on the lease, so I’m thinking about just moving out, but this seems like a silly reason to have to find a new house. I’m not really the type to confront people with that kind of stuff. The whole situation just grosses me out and makes me kinda wanna sleep in my car. What should I do?

Wide Awake


Hetero couples having sex makes me think of the audio track from PETA’s “Meet Your Meat,” especially if it’s late at night and booze is involved: bleating and crying and curse words. I’d rather work in a factory farm than be awakened by someone else’s gross 3 a.m. sexcapade.

Your roommate sounds rude as hell, and she probably knows you’re not the type to bring a household problem to her. I think she’s taking advantage of your submissive nature, or this could also be a passive-aggressive way that she expresses resentment towards you. Please bring it up if you haven’t already, but if it continues or seems to get worse, you should absolutely move out.

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