I wasn’t a ladies’ man or anything in high school, but I lost my virginity by the time I was 15. I had a few girlfriends, and never had a hard time talking to girls. I figured when I came to college, I would meet some girls and have sex. I can’t seem to get anything going, though. I’ll be talking to a girl, and it will go great, but then she’ll just kinda lose interest. I go out some, and that’s even worse, because it’s kinda chaotic for getting to know people. Plus, I have a roommate, and don’t have anywhere private to go with a girl.
Getting laid in college is way tougher than I thought it would be! I think I had more sex in high school, to be honest. I know the semester just started, but I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.
You are incredibly impatient! Relax, little dude. Classes only started last month. I suspect you’re a freshman? You probably still look 15 to most girls. I’m glad that you’re turned off by picking young women up in bars, because you wouldn’t want to take someone home who’s too drunk to consent to sex. I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told that college girl a couple weeks ago: You’ll wet your whistle in class or at work, not at a bar.
But you’re looking for sex, not a date, like she was. The best way to get laid in 2015 is to let the Internet do it for you—but you talk so much about your high-school mackin’ that I wonder if you think you’re above stuff like Tinder and Craigslist. If you insist on wooing potential flames in person, I’d recommend being incredibly honest about your intentions. Tell these ladies that you want sex, and don’t lie when questioned about your sex life. Plenty of college-aged women enjoy sex, and are actually OK with having it casually, but they’ll deny you if you come across as too slick. Keep your intentions above board, and you’ll be fine.
I have a friend—or, rather, someone who calls herself my friend, but she’s not, really. She’s always doing the “humblebrag” on Facebook and in person about stuff that we both do. I guess she feels like she is doing better at these things, because she’s always bragging about herself. This makes me think about all the bad things I know about her in order to bring her back down in my mind, like the time she tried to trap a guy with a fake pregnancy and her eating disorder.
As you can see, I also have no problem telling people her business when she goes out of her way to try to make me feel bad about myself. But when I think about it, those are pretty serious things, and she needs a shrink for real. I feel bad sometimes, even though I know she doesn’t. I hate our relationship more than I hate her, and I really do think she makes me a worse person than I am. I need her out of my life. How?
Oh no, darling: You have a frenemy! Bless your heart for being so understanding about the pain that drives this woman to torment you (and probably other women in her life, too). I think we’ve all had a crazy friend we could live without. It seems to me this friendship isn’t worth the stress it’s causing. You’re right, she’s making you worse; you’re not able to show her the compassion that you would otherwise.
I would recommend that you drop the act and ask her how she’s really doing, but you don’t seem to want to provide her with a shoulder to cry on. Who knows what kind of sadness she’s holding in, but that’s not your problem, and you’re not obligated to save her—especially when she’s glad to undermine your own self-esteem.
Getting rid of your bad friend is as simple as walking away from her. Really. Just stop talking to her. It should be clear to her why you’ve done this, and if it’s not, that’s when you finally get to sit her down and let her know what’s what.
Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, or use our anonymous form.
Like what you just read? Support Flagpole by making a donation today. Every dollar you give helps fund our ongoing mission to provide Athens with quality, independent journalism.
