Friends, I turned 68 years old today. I’ve been married and divorced twice. As you get older, you tend to look back at what got you here, and I have no regrets! Well maybe a few…
I coulda, I shoulda, I woulda.
I could have asked that pretty girl out as the worst she could have said was no.
I would have had a nice car if I didn’t have kids.
I should have used someone else’s picture for my online dating profile.
You can get fired from a volunteer job! I’ll save that for next year’s story!
Each time I got married and divorced it cost me half my savings. As an accountant, I know if they keep taking half, mathematically I’ll never run out of money, but I’ll get pretty low!
Who am I to offer advice in the category of love?
Over the past 65 years I’ve been with over 3.5 different women, and by “been with” I mean I was intimate. If you are wondering about the half, I am counting the life size blow-up doll that I use to maneuver Atlanta’s HOV lanes. We’ve grown very close.
Here are some of the fallacies that I’ve learned through my adventures:
“Love the one you’re with”—that will get divorce papers served to you if it is not your spouse.
“If you ask 100 women to go out with you, someone will say yes—didn’t work for me.
“If you keep touching yourself there, you will go blind”—I can still see, but with the help of glasses.
My second wife and I were married over 50 years! (I was married to my first for about 30 years, and she to her spouse for over 20.)
I told her that I was Rich, but she quickly realized that it was in name only.
We decided not to have babies because she didn’t want to be changing diapers for the kid and me at the same time.
The best advice that I can give a young couple as a twice divorced man is that if your wife feels strongly about something, you let her have her way! But if you feel strongly about something, you give in much slower.
Enough silliness. Enjoy every sandwich.
Rich and Single
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