OLD for the Old

Well, I probably lost all of the millennial and Gen Z readers already, but this should be the nail in the coffin. This article is about online dating for the old. Ughh!

Please give me a chance as I believe that there is something funny about a 60 plus year old trying to be a player.

I’ve been on most of the dating websites. There is Our Time, which basically says “I am old, what about you?” I’ve tried Tinder, but when I swipe right the computer just turns off. I thought that I might want to go out with a Jewish woman, so I tried Too Many Gefilte Fish in the Sea. On that one I would usually get the Jewish whine… “I want to go to Boca!”

I did get kicked off eHarmony, because when they asked me what I want in a woman, I said my penis.

Now if you do get that first date, you basically get 30 minutes to tell them everything that’s wonderful about you, while glossing over the not-so-good stuff. I would tell them that I am Rich, but it wouldn’t take long for them to figure out that it was in name only.  

I might get to a second date, where the conversation gets a bit deeper. Right up front I tell them that I don’t want to have kids, because I don’t want anyone changing diapers for me and the kid at the same time.

I have had some success though. A couple of dates I got to first base, only to be picked off on the way to second.

By the third date, my confidence is building, and I am getting ready to put on the moves. Wait, I don’t have any! I’ll pat her on the head. No, that’s if you like a dog. I’ll rub her belly. No, that might make her laugh or her leg kick. I’ll look up what I should do on the internet! Oh my, do people really do that kind of stuff, and how do they avoid pulling a muscle?

Well, I have learned a few things over the years that I am willing to share with you youngsters:

“Love the one you’re with.” That will get divorce papers served to you if it is not your spouse.

“If you ask 100 women to go out with you, someone will say yes.” Didn’t work for me.

“If you keep touching yourself there, you will go blind.” I can still see, but with the help of glasses.

Well, I think you see why I am single again. Never give up, and hopefully, we will all find whatever it is we are looking for.


Rich and Single