Hey Bonita,
Your professional advice-of-the-town opinion—I value it SO much! With Pride month it’s hot and heavy on my mind: I’m one of those people who probably flies by most folks’ radars as a totally straight female married to a male with child, generally looking/dressing feminine. People [who] know us know our gender roles are super flipped for home and work responsibilities, and being artists on multiple levels that’s always been my safest space and zone to be the real me.
So, to my actual Q: Is it pandering to “come out” to “fans” as an artist with a T-shirt during Pride month?
I feel I’ve gradually come out online through art for nearly 15 years visually, musically/lyrically, and in combos like music videos with nude same- and opposite-sex representation. I’ve spent weeks obsessing over whether or not a T-shirt with a play on words and specific color combo as an expression of my sexuality is appropriate or not. It’s the kind of combo that if ya know, ya know—other bisexuals would pick up on it. But if you don’t, you might not get it or notice. I’m grappling with if this is authentic (my goal, obviously) or if I’ll regret it ‘cause others will not take it seriously, or see it as capitalizing on an extremely delicate and serious month that doesn’t “belong” to me as much as to others whose queerness is more obvious (and therefore more legit).
Am I overthinking other people’s opinions? (Probably… usually.) Thank you for your advice for or against with hopeful reassurance—I know you’ll “get it”!
Bashfully Bisexual
Hey Bashful,
As a queer person, I would be more concerned about people outside of my community using LBGTQIA+ imagery during Pride Month and not members of the community participating in what is essentially supposed to be a celebration for and about us. And “us” includes you! To me, what you’re describing is what you’ve already been doing with your lyrics and videos—bisexual themes and imagery—but in another medium. This shirt sounds more subtle than an overt “coming out” declaration, and I think it’s also important to remember that it’s your right to share what you want in your art. You don’t have to tell people more than you want known about yourself, and you’re not required to fully come out at any time to anyone. If having this shirt in your product line feels good and empowering, then that’s enough. This shirt is allowed to be a simple homage to your sexuality, whether people pick up on it or not. Like any art, it will go over some people’s heads, and there may be those who just won’t like it, and that’s OK. Do you worry about music fans outside of your genre who would hate your music no matter what? (I’m thinking of, for example, country music fans who say that rap is trash.) Then don’t worry about folks who may roll their eyes at your use of color.
I would also like for you to know that Pride month absolutely, positively belongs to you and any other queer person out there who is currently partnered with someone of a different gender expression. Pride Month is for single people, it’s for closeted people, and it’s for parents, too. There is no way to correctly “perform” queerness, and there is no queer person out there who is less queer than others. This kind of imposter syndrome really grinds my gears because it’s the exact argument that so many creeps have used to coerce sex out of the unwilling. It’s also just a bald-headed lie. I mean, who’s more gay: James Baldwin or the Demon Twink? That is a nothing question that celebrates nothing and only serves to further sow divisions in our community. The dudes at the gloryhole aren’t more gay than the closeted 70-year-old who still hasn’t kissed another man. Queerness is an identity, not a behavior or an appearance, and Pride is not a competition.
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