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AdviceHey, Bonita!

Romance and Housing Woes

Bonita,

I’m a student with a good group of friends. It’s a little weird though, because this group consists of me and two other girls, along with two guys. We’re all straight. I’ve been hooking up with one of the guys, and he’s into me, too. He and I have been texting outside of the group chat since the spring. We first hooked up one night towards the end of the semester without telling anyone, and since then we’ve been in contact every day—privately. We FaceTime and send funny texts; he even came to my hometown this summer and spent the weekend with me—it was pretty great. I want to be a true couple, but he wants to hide our relationship from his current girlfriend. He doesn’t want to hurt her, and he doesn’t want to break up our friend group (we have such a good time together, honestly). I think it’s a bunch of crap, and I am starting to resent him for being so concerned with her feelings. They’d been broken up for a few months (after being together for less than a year) before we got together, and I think that’s plenty of time to move on. Me and this guy have an excellent connection, but I honestly don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be public about our relationship.

Baby in the Corner

Hey Baby,

I’m a little confused, because you say his “current” girlfriend, then state that they’ve been broken up for a couple of months, but honestly that doesn’t really matter. What matters is that this guy wants to hide your relationship from either his ex or his current partner, and also just kind of wants to hide your relationship in general. He is trying to have his cake and eat it, too, and you and others are paying the price for his selfishness. There is a man out there who wants to honor you publicly and honestly, but you’ve got tunnel vision on this guy. Dump this chump, and go find an actual partner. It’s up to you whether you come clean about this affair after the fact—it would be the right thing to do if infidelity is at play here, but know that it will absolutely shatter the already fragile peace in which your friend group exists.

Hey Bonita,

I’m going into my junior year at UGA, and my parents just bought a house and moved to Athens this summer. That was a decision they made, not one I had any input on or necessarily wanted. Well I just found out—because of a mix of friend drama and money problems—that I’m going to have to move out of my apartment after this fall semester. Of course, my parents want me to move into their house. Save money, etc. It does make sense, and it’s a really good opportunity to get ahead financially while I’m trying to finish out school. BUT, they’ve already brought up that there would be some rules and guidelines. I feel like this is going to seriously impact my social life, and I don’t know if that’s how I want to spend the end of my college years or if it’s something I’m going to regret. My parents and I get along pretty well, not perfectly, but they still treat me like a high-schooler and not an adult who has been living on their own. So I’m also worried that now we might not get along so well. Should I take the deal and move in with my parents or try to find something I can manage on my own?

Anon.

Hey Anon,

Rooms for rent will pop up at the beginning of the semester—they always do when people unexpectedly break a lease or change their mind about a housing situation. Start saving for a  deposit now, and keep your eyes peeled for listings that will work for you. I do think that you will absolutely hate having to move back in with infantilizing parents after having lived like the adult that you are, so avoid it at all costs. This is all a few months away, so you have plenty of time to come up with a solution that doesn’t involve bedtime or “no boys allowed” stipulations.

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