AdviceHey, Bonita!

Heavy News, Heavy Mind

Well, damn. I’m scared. The past 30-ish days have been a whirlwind combination of Supreme Court idiocy, mass shootings and a full-on bombing of a public monument only an hour away from where I’m sitting right now. I wish I could find my pictures of my own visit to the Georgia Guidestones—I got hella stoned with my lady friends, and we snapped pictures of ourselves peeking around the giant stone slabs, giggling and jumping in the air. Elberton has a population of about 4,000, and the only reason to go there now would be the county fair, but I’m too old for ironic or contrarian outings into the heart of rural Georgia. I mean, clearly there’s a person nearby who knows how to make bombs and hates the hope that the Guidestones tried to communicate to the public, so why should I, a queer Black person who dresses like an idiot, feel safe or want to go there? It’s a real shame though, because the Guidestones brought people from all over the world to an area that they’d never visit otherwise.

Let’s be clear about something: I think it’s pretty silly to create a monument for post-apocalyptic generations to discover and model their societies after. I don’t necessarily think that the Guidestones were cool or groundbreaking or frankly even very important. They were something to talk about and something to go see, and a lot of the conversations about the Guidestones were pretty dang stupid. It’s hard to ignore the impact that the dumbest conspiracy theory ever has had on the Guidestones: They exist because the global satanic elite are bound by a metaphysical, interpersonal, universal contract that states that they must tell us their plans of world domination before they can implement them. It’s the perfect hairbrained justification for nonsense about the New World Order hiding in plain sight—putting the all-seeing eye on the back of the dollar bill, building a glass pyramid in front of the Louvre, stuff like that. Or maybe people are just bored and angry and unbelieving of the fact that the free exchange of money is what rules the world and not a shadowy cabal smoking cigars in a backroom at Bohemian Grove.

Personally, I’ve found that belief in this conspiracy very often intersects with a belief in replacement theory, seeing as how the NWO need a submissive populace so they want to replace upstanding and hardworking un-melanated individuals with the unwashed and swarthy masses of the Dark Continent. Anyone with any sort of open-minded worldview knows that’s absolute racist tomfoolery, but some folks believe it so deeply that they go out and shoot up grocery stores full of my elders. And America has been so cowed by racist aggression that we share memes about it for about a week before it basically disappears from the news. Some people are so concerned about how many white babies are being born that they are celebrating the repeal of Roe vs. Wade—they can’t wait to force their angelic and exalted women to become baby factories for the race war. The situation is so dire to these despicable humans that some of them are happy about the Highland Park shooting, which happened in one of Chicago’s largest Jewish suburbs because blah blah blah something about Jewish conspiracy.

I’m scared. I try my damnedest to be strong and share good advice for managing our fears around things we can’t control, and I always knew that me and mine were targets for extermination by the worst of humanity, but there’s a glass door directly opposite my desk at my day job. Anybody walking by can see my Black ass clear as day, and I don’t know if that person thinks I’m here to take their jobs or destroy families with my lack of heterosexuality. If I can’t see their face, then I don’t know if they’re even allowed in the building. Should I cover that door?  There’s an entrance from outdoors very near to it. Yeah, I probably should cover that door.

I absolutely hate that I have to do this.

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