AdviceHey, Bonita!

Worst First Dates

Hey, Athens! Welcome to my first ever story submission!  

I want to thank everyone who submitted their Worst First Date stories, and we’ve received some doozies. I just don’t go on as many dates as I used to, but it’s certainly by choice, and I am definitely glad to be watching the sun set on my ho days. It’s a relief to spend more time napping or writing than crying over a line cook who gave me HPV, but some of these definitely conjured up memories of being stuck in similar situations. My runner-up triggered a memory more recent than not:

I had a high school crush for years. She finally said yes to a date, and she brought her new boyfriend with her. Worst date to the fair ever, and I wound up riding a lot of two-person rides with random strangers while silently freaking out about how [I possibly could] have caused a misunderstanding. – A.

I thought I was going on a date recently, too, when immediately upon arrival at our destination, my now-friend mentioned that their partner had tasked them with bringing home a to-go item from the eatery we were at. I felt thankful that my melanin was able to disguise the incredibly deep blush that immediately sprung to my face, but the horror faded quickly. After all, there was no giant crush or deep feelings on the line for me—I’d met a cool person and asked them to hang out, but I hadn’t clarified the nature of that hangout before we met up. I assumed that they knew what was up, even though I know better than to make assumptions when it comes to stuff like that. So yeah, I was a little embarrassed when I realized they weren’t single, but for me it was definitely a “no harm, no foul” experience. It sounds like you had put a lot of feelings into this person and the potential of this date, and I’m sorry that you had to ride the Zipper with strangers because of it. Hopefully you made two new friends, maybe? You really shouldn’t be that hard on yourself for an honest miscommunication. In ideal circumstances, it sounds like it would have been a lovely date, but it just didn’t shake out that way for you. C’est la vie, my guy.

I see that you had good intentions, but the guy in my winner below definitely did not:

About 20 years ago, I [met] a guy out at a bar. He was pretty attractive, and we exchanged phone numbers. A few days later he asked me to dinner. My date picked me up in his dad’s old work van, which was filled with mannequins and camera equipment. We drove a long way to get to a particular Burger King (which was not really what I had in mind when I agreed to dinner). We passed like three others on the way. We went through the drive-through, and after we ordered  he told me he had forgotten his wallet. He was very offended when I wouldn’t come back to his place and spent the entire 45 minutes back to my apartment trying to guilt trip me into sleeping with him. Weirdest and worst date I have ever been on! – K.

Hey y’all, guess what? Anyone who just wants sex should be honest about that instead of practically kidnapping a complete stranger and taking them to a chain drive-through almost an hour away from their home in attempt to coerce consent with the implication of danger or violence.  The “Dennis Reynolds” energy of his actions is undeniable. I’m sure if anyone confronted this dude, he’d deny up and down that that’s what he was doing, but he borrowed a van and took this woman far from home just for fast food. This barely feels like an attempt at an actual date, to be honest, especially if he didn’t even care enough to be sure he had his wallet on him. Not to mention that guilt-tripping someone for sex is as lame as it is intimidating, now and forever. It’s OK to ask directly for what you want, because none of our desires are as odd or repulsive as we assume they are.

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