COLORBEARER OF ATHENS, GEORGIA LOCALLY OWNED SINCE 1987
April 25, 2018

Where to Mingle in Athens While Single

Hey, Bonita…

Are there any good singles bars in Athens? You know, where people go to hook up?

Donito

This question arrived at the start of my break, and I’ve been thinking on it since then, Donito. It really depends on your flirting skills and what quality of hookup you’re seeking. If you don’t wanna put in much work and end the night with an adequate lay, I recommend almost anywhere above Lumpkin downtown, especially when UGA is in session. Seriously, you could probably pull at least a six, maybe hotter, while walking down the street on a football Friday.

What can I say? College kids are energetic and eager. They can also get pretty boozy, so keep consent in mind if you’re gonna be cruising the intoxicated. (Actually, keep consent in mind all of the time.) There are a few tranquil islands of good drinking and real camaraderie to be had on that end of town—PhD bars, as I call them—that offer up an older, more sophisticated clientele that might also be DTF.

But the summer’s coming, and that means students are migrating back to their homes. Still, this is Athens. The entire town is a singles bar, and personally I feel like I do better during the summer, dating-wise. It’s events more so than locations that hold the promise of booty, like patio dance parties or skinny-dipping. Find some pool crashers. Those people are horny!

Since your intention is to get laid, you need to be upfront and very clear about that with whomever you pursue. Athens kids tend towards whimsy way too often, and it’s really easy to confuse a whirlwind of summer romance with some dude’s singular interest in getting laid. Don’t say anything obnoxious like, “Don’t fall in love with me,” but be clear that you’re only looking for sex. As a matter of fact, don’t even sleep over afterwards. (Seriously, Athens, stop that. It’s misleading.) I’d even recommend just getting a FetLife account and operating in full transparency.


Hello, Bonita! Your talent in delivering sage advice is exceeded only by your legendary beauty. Flattery aside, I have a query for you that doesn't involve twisted trysts, rocky relationships or lovelorn longings.

Nobody doesn't love their mama, right? Well, I sure do love mine, and I've had to be there for her more than ever since my dad passed away last year. She lives about an hour away, but we both own smartphones. Here's the gag: I'm not a big talker. I don't enjoy long phone conversations, even with folks I'm close with. Not that I don't want to hear how they're doing, etc., it's just that the conversation itself is draining. I hardly call anyone myself, and am always shocked to see a missed call and/or voicemail (think: phone introvert).

My mom and I have phone conversations at least once a week, and they are LONG: 20-plus minutes on average, sometimes stretching to eternities of half an hour or more. Her record is 50 minutes. The levels of detail regarding daily minutiae are exquisite. This is nothing new; when I was younger, she would regularly make lengthy long-distance calls to relatives. Often, I feel that she's doing all the talking, while I'm merely a listener.

How can I even begin to approach this situation? I don't want to upset my mom, but I really want to straight-up ask her to limit her conversations to five or 10 minutes.

Warm regards,

Ear Ache

Ear Ache,

My mom is that way too, but dear Goddess, I love her for it. She’s also really easy going, so it’s easy for me to just say, “OK, mama, I got stuff to do,” and we’ll wrap up and sign off. Have you tried just, you know, ending the conversations? You’re an adult, and you’re allowed to tell your mom that you need to go, even if you don’t really “need” to, per se. It’s your life and your time.

Alternatively, perhaps you can recommend another form of communication, like email. I have a few friends whom I regularly communicate with in that way. Maybe your mom will enjoy sitting down and writing about her life and times. It’s worth a shot.

Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, use the anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.

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