AdviceHey, Bonita!

How Do I Make Friends Naturally?

Hey Bonita,

I came to UGA as a transfer student, and I’ve had a difficult time adjusting this past year. I had a lot of friends and ways to spend my time at my old school, but just haven’t found my way in Athens yet. Having so few friends to do things with, like going out to shows, games, bars, etc., led me to isolate myself, and I became extremely depressed last semester.

I’m feeling much better now after spending time back home with my friends and family, but don’t want to make the same mistake again. I want to enjoy my time here in Athens, and I want to have friends to do fun things with. I really haven’t found anyone that I click with in my classes or clubs yet. I feel like an outsider because I’m a transfer. How do I make friends without it feeling forced and awkward?

Transfer Who Forgot How to Make Friends

Hey Transfer,

I’m tempted to chalk your nervousness up to social anxiety. You don’t have a problem being around people you already know, but the newness of Athens is really dampening your ability to open up to new people. And that’s a shame, because Athens is a stinkin’ BLAST. You wanna go to shows, games and bars—of which we have plenty in town—so go. Just go. Pick the evening of an already good day, put on clothes you love, primp yourself to your desired level of confidence and hotness, and hit the town.

There’s no shame in going out alone. I do it all the time, and people notice others who are hanging out solo. Not in an “oh what a shame” way, either. People are incredibly outgoing around here, and you will most certainly get sucked into a conversation. Chime in to interesting conversations on your own, and chat responsibly with staff. If you see people whom you recognize from school or clubs, say hi. Take a seat with them, even. Eventually, phone numbers get exchanged, plans get made, and life is lived. But you gotta take the first step on your own and put yourself out there.

My husband had an affair. I found out about it in a not-great way: He came clean after I confronted him. Now we’re talking through our options (stay together or divorce). Do you think it’s possible to move beyond infidelity, or am I being naive for even considering it?


What Now?

What Now,

It’s most certainly possible to move past infidelity, but I’m not sure about your situation. You included some information that you didn’t want printed (and I’ll always honor that, dear readers), and that complicates your situation. It’s one thing to slip up and forget your promises, but that’s not what you’ve described. This is a betrayal that ran deep and long, and now you’re rightfully questioning many things about your relationship. Sorry, but I don’t trust your husband, either. He’s a liar, he’s good at it, and he’ll lie to the people he claims to love.

Are you two seeing a therapist? Having mediated conversations about this issue will help you understand his motivations for lying and deception. However, I don’t necessarily think it’ll save your marriage, as most liars make a lifelong habit of it. Your husband has to do some serious soul-searching and ask himself why he wanted both a wife and a girlfriend within a relationship agreement that doesn’t allow for that.

He did you wrong, but keep your chin up. There are plenty of men out there who are happy to honor monogamy. I desperately hope there are no kids involved in all this, and if there are, I hope your hubby doesn’t sleep at night. Sorry, but I really hate liars and cheaters. It’s just not necessary in a modern world where responsible non-monogamy is just an agreement away. If a guy wants to be a thot, he can do it openly and it’s no big deal. But anyone who would lock someone into a legal marriage and then cheat is human garbage.

Divide your assets and download Tinder. Congratulations on your bright new future!

Need advice? Email, use our anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.


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