Dear Bonita,
I just started dating a guy who is super cool in every way except one: He doesn’t hate Donald Trump. He doesn’t love him or anything, but he doesn’t hate the guy or understand why everyone should. He’s just sort of ambivalent about him, and politics in general. Why does this make me so uncomfortable?
Because Donald Trump is a sheltered rich guy with no political experience who is running for president. Some people think Trump is the actual Antichrist. He literally embodies all of the things that are wrong with the 1 percent: unearned affluence, self-importance, ignorance to the real human experience, the desire to enslave or control other humans, the idea that his ability to run a business somehow makes him qualified to control the lives of the masses.
Trump is the problem, pretty much, and your boyfriend is just kinda “meh” over his existence and his bid for the White House. This bothers you, and it damn well should.
I’m gonna guess that your boyfriend is some too-cool hipster or grad student, because I can only imagine that kind of guy being ambivalent about a presidential candidate who wants to build a wall around the country, deport Muslims and destroy the First Amendment. Why should he care? He probably doesn’t have any Muslim or brown-skinned friends anyway—and I’m not talking about some coworker he sees five times a week, but a person he’d help install a dishwasher or eat pizza with at home on a Tuesday. You know, a real friend.
You’re uncomfortable because your boo is showing you that he’s not part of the global community, and that he doesn’t actually care about other people in the broadest sense. I doubt he’d ever use a racial slur or call you a bitch to your face, but he also probably thinks black people can be racist. He might find minorities to be whiny, and he may very well believe in “men’s rights.”
Listen closely to this guy, and watch him for more signs of being a shitty human being. Unless the sex is great, I’d honestly recommend that you just go ahead and dump him today. Why waste your time if he’s not even laying good pipe?
I went on a couple of dates with someone at the end of last year, and it went OK. It fizzled out pretty quickly, but we ended it on what I thought were good terms. We were already casual acquaintances and saw each other at lots of bars and shows, so I figured everything would just go back to normal after all was said and done.
Then, a few months ago, I realized I was seeing her a lot more often than I had in the past. Basically, at every show I attend she’s there, and lately she pretty much only drinks at this one bar that we both love. Half the time she’s not even with anyone, but just sitting alone looking at her phone and barely talking to anyone, even me.
I’m pretty sure I have a stalker, but she’s never followed me home or anything like that. She’s become a permanent background fixture of my social life, and I don’t understand why. I really thought everything ended well between us and it was a mutual breakup, though I did mention splitting up first. I’m starting to get uncomfortable with this, and I’m not sure how to address it.
I probably wouldn’t call her a stalker just yet, because she hasn’t followed you home, as you say, and you also don’t mention that she’s calling or texting you. I doubt the breakup was actually mutual. She probably just agreed with you in order to protect herself and her feelings. Her crush on you is obviously still there, but she’s trying to save face by acting like she’s cool with not dating. She just wants to be around you but doesn’t want to talk to you, and I think she’ll get over her crush.
Don’t take yourself so seriously, pal—she’s no threat to you. Now, if she starts following you home or showing up at your workplace, that’s a problem. But for now, get used to being around a chick you rejected. It’s a small town.
Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, use our anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.
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