Categories
AdviceHey, Bonita!

I’m Jewish. She’s Not. How Do I Break It to My Family?


I’m not from here, but I go to UGA for grad school. I’ve been dating someone since I moved to town, and I’m loving it. She’s the smartest student in our department, and the prettiest, too. She’s really great. Like, marriage-and-children great. We both finish school next fall, so we’re talking about all that stuff, but she hasn’t even met my parents yet, and by no fault of her own.

The thing is that I’m Jewish and she’s not. My family is more culturally Jewish than spiritual or devout, but I’ve always known that when I get married, I am supposed to marry a Jewish woman, because a mother must be Jewish in order for her kids to be born into the faith. Otherwise, the kids have to convert like anyone else. This is not considered desirable amongst my family, so, needless to say, I’m terrified to bring my gentile girlfriend home. A couple of my cousins have married outside the faith with minor alarm from the family, but I just don’t see this going well for us. They know I have a girlfriend, but they don’t think it’s anything serious. My parents are gonna freak out, and they certainly won’t consent to us getting married. But this girl is definitely the one for me—no doubt about it. Any suggestions?

Be Gentile With Me

BGWM,

Maybe you’re not giving your parents enough credit. You say you’ve already got cousins that have gotten away with marrying gentiles, right? But if your folks really aren’t into it, I’m sure they’ll tell you why, so be prepared to stick to your guns and be firm about the way you feel for your partner.

I also think you owe your lady a good explanation for your yellow belly. If you two are talking marriage, she’s probably asked about meeting your family, and if you’re being honest with her, I imagine she must have rolled her eyes when you explained this to her. These are your parents, and I’m sure they understand what love is, not to mention that it’s 2015 and interfaith marriages are pretty common nowadays. My own sister married into Islam, and she ended up converting. No biggie. I really don’t think this is going to be so hard in the end.


One of my best friends is always grumpy and depressed. She wasn’t always this way, but she’s had a very rough few years lately, and it’s affected other parts of her personality. I don’t wanna give away many details, but she’s divorced and chronically single and having a really hard time dealing with it. She’s always complaining about men, talks a lot of crap about other women (even friends of ours) and is generally so negative that I can’t imagine anyone approaching her for a date anyway. That’s mean, though, and I want to help my friend. I want her to be happy.

Friend Girl

toc-BonitaApplebum.jpg

That’s a raw deal, Friend Girl, in a town as slutty as this one, but your homegirl should actually be relieved. Is she sad because she’s missing out on guys never calling her back? Or does she long to make out with salty beards and get crabs? There is no joy in waking up in a bed full of fleas and dog hair while the train screams by at 6 a.m. on a Wednesday morning, then discovering you got scabies a day later.

We all have dry spells, and when a particularly brutal one hits me—you know, the kind that has you wondering if you’re even worthy of breathing the same air as the hotties in this town—I take comfort in my friends, particularly my lady friends. Your friend is obviously struggling with that, but she’s forgetting that attraction is mostly out of our control. Don’t blame another woman for getting it in. Help her take time to get tight with her girls again. I always keep a team of bad bitches with me, and the love of good lady friends is way more validating than any attention I could get from a dude.

Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, or use our anonymous form.

RELATED ARTICLES BY AUTHOR

  • My Unremorseful Friend Said a Slur

    Hello, I don’t know what to do. My white friend said a racial slur, and I’m at a loss of what to do. I was ranting to her about...
  • Problematic Friends

    Today I got a message from a friend of mine that another friend of mine said a slur. We’ve been friends for almost our whole lives (ages 3–19). I...
  • And Then There Was One

    Hey Bonita, I was previously dating two people casually, and they recently told me that I needed to choose one, as they were seeking monogamous relationships. I chose the...
  • Keeping Clear Communication

    I have a bad conversational habit that I’m afraid makes me seem full of myself or self-centered. Whenever someone is talking about a problem or sharing a bad experience,...