I have two kids by my ex-husband. He and I are still friends. My new husband and I are very happy together; he is a good father figure but doesn’t get jealous or weird about my ex. My kids are fairly happy and they’re used to this situation; they live with us and they see their dad when they want and when he has time. We all get along pretty good almost all of the time.
So, I recently found out that my ex and his new girlfriend have a baby. I don’t know her at all, but it seemed like she was always there when I dropped off or picked up my boys. I don’t really care. She is a nice enough person, and my boys like her, and she is good to them. So, now she has a baby, too. My ex didn’t seem to want me to know, but I needed him to sign something for the boys’ school and I dropped over there without calling, and there they were. I don’t know why he was trying to hide it from me, but whatever. As long as he keeps paying me child support he can do what he wants. I told them congratulations and got him to sign the papers and I left.
Then, about two weeks later, I saw him out at a bar. He was hitting on another woman, making out in public and all, and I am pretty sure they left together! I was out with my friends and having a good time, so I didn’t say anything, and he didn’t even know I was there. I can’t figure out if I should say anything. Should I tell him to stop being gross and take care of his kids and the woman at home with his new baby? Should I tell her so at least she knows what a dog he is? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and hope that my boys don’t turn out like him? I just feel bad, but at the same time he is not my problem anymore.
Wish I Didn’t Know
My mom has a saying, WIDK: “Wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.†I have no idea what that means, but I’m pretty sure that it has something to do with the uselessness of wishing for something that will never happen. You wish you didn’t know, and you probably wish that your ex wasn’t such an irresponsible jackass. I’m sure that his new lady wishes he would stay home with her and the new baby that he had enough time to make but can’t be bothered to stick around and deal with. Bottom line is that his fidelity is not your problem anymore. You can say something to him if you think you can guilt him into being a better person, but saying something to her will jeopardize the good relationship that you currently have with him, so I would advise against it.
I have a really good friend, John. I have known him for several years, and he was one of my first friends when I moved to town. He is engaged to a beautiful woman whom I will call Jane. Jane is bisexual. She is also incredibly hot. My friend often makes remarks about how hot his fiancée is, and I have often joked back that she was almost hot enough to make me turn bi myself. Then we laugh and have a shot of whiskey and go on to talk about other stuff.
So, last weekend, I was out with both of them and he told her how he always says that and how I always respond, and we all laughed and toasted to hot women, and had a good laugh. Later, I went to the bathroom, and when I came out of the stall Jane was there. She had a look in her eye, and I guess I kind of knew what was coming, but she totally made a move and we made out. It was very hot and heavy, but very brief. She said she totally wanted to sleep with me but that John would be super jealous because we are such good friends. I was totally shocked, but also totally turned on, and all I could think about was that I wanted more. So, we left the bathroom, and I was confused and a little bit scared, because I thought for sure John would know something was up. He didn’t. And, he proceeded to get super drunk, and then at the end of the night he asked me if I could drive them both home. I did.
He went straight into the house and passed out on the couch, and Jane and I stayed out on the porch for a little while. She made us more drinks, and we started making out, and eventually we moved into their bedroom and totally went at it. It was amazing and hot, and I don’t think I’m a lesbian or anything, but I definitely am glad I did that. Except that now things are weird. Jane seems to feel really guilty, and she is worried that he will find out. I think that it’s different because a) I am not a guy; and b) they are not married, so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. The thing is, she totally initiated it and now she is making me feel bad about it. What should I do?
Bi Curious No More
What should you do? Well, how about not fucking your friends’ significant others, for starters?! My gods woman, you are selfish. Do you honestly think that the fact that you aren’t a guy makes this better? Do you really think that it’s about penetration, rather than emotionally betraying a person that you consider a close friend? Man, you suck. I think you should talk to “Jane†and try to convince her that the man deserves to know. Then you can at least beg his forgiveness and allow him the dignity of entering into his married life honestly. If she won’t do it, though, then you’re just going to have to keep your mouth shut and try to find a way to live with yourself. I’m glad I don’t have to. Ugh.
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