Advicereality check

Reality Check

I was waiting tables at the restaurant where I work the other day, and this guy came in. He was kind of hitting on me. He was not my type, but the kind of guys who are my type have let me down a lot in the last couple of years, being cheaters and liars and generally shitty human beings—so I thought, what the hell. He asked me out for a drink when I got done, and I agreed to meet him at the bar of a different local restaurant. I had never seen him before, and our town is pretty small, so I knew he wasn’t from around here. Also he had an accent.

Anyway, I met him later, and he was kind of obnoxious. It was obvious that he had already been drinking when I got there, but I chalked it up to nerves. Then there were all kinds of political disagreements. I am not particularly political, but he kept pushing me for my opinions, and then, of course, it turned out that I was too conservative for him. He kept talking to the bartender about me as if I weren’t there, but not in a mean way. Like he said how cute I was, but then said that I wasn’t impressed by him, which was true. He said that I couldn’t make up my mind about him, which might have been true at the beginning, but as the hour went on, I most certainly did, thankyouverymuch. I could tell the bartender felt sorry for me. The nightmare date even made a comment to the bartender about how he couldn’t believe the guy didn’t remember him after how much he had tipped the last time he was in, which was the height of tacky.

I decided that I needed to go. He tried to pay for my drinks, and I didn’t want him to. I very explicitly told the bartender to give my bill to me, which he thankfully did, and signed it while this guy was hovering over me watching to see if I tipped enough. Then he pulled out his credit card and showed me “See, that’s my name, and that’s the name of my business.†(As if I cared at that point!) I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I called one of my coworkers from the parking lot and had him come and meet me for another drink after I dropped my car off at home and went to my local bar. I told him the story, and he said I should have let the d-bag pay for my drinks. I disagreed, saying I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction or let him think I owed him anything. My friend said I was crazy and that I deserved free drinks just for putting up with the guy. I still think it would have put me in a weird position. So, settle the argument: Was I right? Or should I have let him pay?

Back to Internet Dating

I don’t think there is a right or wrong here necessarily, but I totally would have done what you did. I think this guy knew damn well that this thing was not going to happen, and he offered to pay for the drinks anyway, so I doubt he would have expected anything in return. Given his obnoxious personality and his bad attempts at humorous self-deprecation, I’m betting he has been around this block a few times before. You could have gone either way, but you did the stand-up thing on both counts. You took a chance with somebody who was not your type, gave him a chance even though you weren’t initially attracted to him, and then you paid your own way and made a graceful exit, head high. Here’s hoping he learned a lesson from you. And you can bet your ass that bartender won’t forget him again, by the way. Bartenders appreciate a good tipper, and under the right circumstances, they might even remember you. But a d-bag torturing a first date? Etched forever in the memory, guaranteed.

My sister is having a hard time dealing with the fact that I am not a Christian. We were raised Baptist, and even though she isn’t as strict as our parents in her beliefs, she can’t seem to accept that I don’t believe. We have had several conversations about it, and I thought I had gotten through to her. I explained that I am spiritual, that I have beliefs, and that I do pray and I do go to church. She is basically a non-denominational, run-of-the-mill, “angels and Jesus” type of girl. And I am fine with that.

My parents have stopped going to church every week, but they still believe. They are comfortable with my belief (or lack of it), too. But she doesn’t seem to get it. She even bought me a necklace with a crucifix on it and gave it to me as a present, and then said she “hoped I wouldn’t be offended.†I am not offended, but I am irritated. I don’t want this thing and I am not going to wear it, and I feel like she isn’t listening to me. I guess I am offended, but not by the cross or the church or Jesus. I am offended that my sister will not let me have adult beliefs of my own, and that she can’t resist trying to save me or whatever. I am almost 40! What should I do? Should I give it back to her and tell her I don’t want it? Or just put it in my jewelry box and forget the whole thing?


It depends on how much further you want to take this. If it really is important to you, then you should give it back to her and explain that while you might appreciate what it means to her, it obviously doesn’t mean the same thing to you and she should respect that. Don’t be angry, but do be firm. Tell her she has to stop trying to lure you back. If you think that just quietly putting it away will put the whole thing to bed, then feel free to try that route as well. But don’t count on it, and be prepared for “the talk†the next time she sees an angel snowglobe that she thinks you’ll love.