So, my girlfriend and I are in high school. We get along great, and we have been together for six months. This is the longest relationship I’ve ever had. The thing is, she keeps talking about the future. I like her a lot. I might even love her. But I am not in any way ready to get married or have kids or anything like that. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but when she says stuff like that I can’t just go along with it, either. Usually I just kind of sit there and don’t say anything, but I wonder if I should tell her how I really feel? I’m confused.
Silent Treatment
Ah, young love. I remember when I was that girl, and I used to think that I was going to marry my high school boyfriend. In retrospect, of course, it seems completely ridiculous to me, but at the time I was very serious and very (as much as I could be at the time) in love with him. I don’t think you should worry too much about your girlfriend’s talk of the future, unless she is talking about getting married and having kids soon. I think most people who are in an exclusive relationship think that there is a real future in it, or else why would they be in it? This doesn’t mean she is picking out a wedding dress or paint for the nursery, but it also doesn’t preclude a serious conversation. If you are that uncomfortable, her talking about it may eventually drive you apart.
Before you allow yourself time to get resentful, it would be helpful for you to just tell her how you really feel. Tell her that you are more concerned with enjoying the present, and that while you have very strong feelings for her, talk of “The Future†makes you uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure she can handle your honesty, and if she can’t, then you’re probably not as compatible as you think you are. And not to be presumptuous, but I would be remiss if I did not remind you that one sure way to make sure that you don’t seal yourself to her forever is to practice safe sex. Please, for the love of Elvis and everything holy, be careful. That is all.
I am a 24-year-old gay guy. My brother is four years older than me and straight. We are great friends and hang out all the time. He is not afraid to go with me to gay bars like a lot of my friends are, but I am going crazy because he gets hit on by guys all the time and I almost never do. We look a lot alike, but he is and has always been skinny, and I’m not.
The worst part is that he doesn’t even realize it most of the time, because guys are just not on his radar; so I’m always standing on the sidelines waiting for him to finish talking to some hottie, and then when I tell him the guy was hitting on him he’s like, “Really?! I’m sorry!â€
I am about to scream. I don’t know what to do, because I love hanging out with him but I am tired of getting cock-blocked! This has happened, like, three times this year already. I am starting to get a complex. Help!
Oh, Brother
You’re going to have to learn to be more assertive. When a guy sidles up to your brother, just stay in the conversation, make some eye contact and mention your brother’s girlfriend (whether he has one or not). You can’t be any clearer than that. If you both look similar, then you should have a pretty good shot unless you’re talking to a guy who is into a particular body type, and I wouldn’t worry about that too much. If you don’t want to be that obvious, you could buy him a fake wedding band, or better yet, what about a nice frat sweatshirt? Those guys almost never come out until after they graduate, right? And nobody would be silly enough to wear their letters in public if they were out of college!
Also, hang out in places that are not exclusively gay. That way, you guys could both shop at the same time, and his hitting on a girl might signal to the other boys that he isn’t playing on their team. In fact, hanging out in straighter places will give you better odds, since you won’t be competing with and for every other guy in the room. Then all you have to do is hone your gaydar and find the right ones out of the bunch. Use the force, my friend. Good luck.
Confidential to Surfer Girl: Perhaps you missed last week’s column? If so, do go back and check it out. You can either just come out and tell him what you want or you can start hinting at it, maybe leave a book laying around or leave something open on your computer. First, stop apologizing for what you want. It’s not weird, and it’s not your “fault.†There is no fault here, see? There are only likes and dislikes, and what people are and are not willing to do.
You have been together a long time. You trust him. What you’re talking about is not so kinky that it will send the average man running. (Well, not away from you, anyway.) Being direct is probably the best bet. Just have a nice outfit planned and a few tools at the ready the next time you know you’re going to have a romantic evening together. (A healthy cocktail wouldn’t hurt, either. I’m just sayin’.) I think you’ll probably find that your guy will be ready and willing to accommodate your needs. Once he sees your getup, I’m sure you’ll have his full attention.
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