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Reality Check

I have a dilemma. I am in this class with my boyfriend, and I am starting to have a crush on the professor. The class is kinda big, but he always calls on me to answer questions. Once or twice he has asked me questions on the way out of class, and my boyfriend waited outside while we talked for a few minutes. I think he was flirting with me. My boyfriend is getting jealous.

The thing is, I think the professor knows and I think he is doing it on purpose. And I would be lying if I didn’t say that I liked it. I know this is wrong, but I can’t help it. He is a lot older than I am, but I find him very sexy. I know he is married, and I wouldn’t want to ruin anybody’s life, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I have to see him during office hours in a couple weeks and I don’t know what to do. I get nervous when I am around him. I know this is crazy, and I do love my boyfriend, but I don’t know how to make these feelings stop. Help!

A Student

Crushes are common. Crushes are fun, and they’re exciting, and they seem so intense when you’re in the middle of them that it might be tempting to read more into them than you should. But don’t. You can enjoy the crush, ride the wave, but know deep down that it is completely meaningless and fun. Get better at hiding it from your boyfriend until you are over it. Don’t talk about the man or his class unless you need to. Encourage your boyfriend to wait with you after class if you have questions, and take him with you when you to your office hours appointment. Nothing’s going to happen with your boyfriend right outside, right? If you invite him along he will be confident that you don’t have bad intentions. Even if he doesn’t go with you, you will have put his mind at ease.

Know that even if your professor is noticing you, he is probably not stupid enough to risk his career and his marriage for whatever fleeting pleasure he might get from you, and know, too, that if he would take that risk, then he is a big, fat, cheating scumbag, and big, fat, cheating scumbags are decidedly not hot. Even if it is an ego boost (and let’s face it—it is), realize that this flirtation is hurting your boyfriend and you have to stop it. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t answer questions or participate in class. What I’m saying is that it’s up to you to make this stop. Don’t flirt back. Keep all of your interactions completely neutral, and if you sense him flirting with you, don’t respond. I promise you this will go away, and, eventually, you will wonder what in the hell you were thinking. Just stay in control until then.

My roommate is a pretty good friend of mine. We’ve known each other for a long time, and we have always gotten along pretty well. His friends are actually more friends of mine than he is, and one of my bandmates is a good friend of his, too. So, he has this girlfriend, and he treats her like shit. And she’s a really nice girl, and she’s super cute, and I have no idea why she would even give him the time of day, much less actually be in a relationship with him. They have been together for about six months, and she stays here a lot, so we have become pretty friendly. And I know it’s obvious and cliché and stupid, but, of course, I am actually starting to like her. And the more she is around, the more he acts like a douche to her. Sometimes she comes back to our place and he stays out for hours, coming home late and drunk and acting all angry and stupid and starting fights with her. When he’s not acting like a dick, he acts all nice to her, but then makes her do stuff for him.

It pisses me off, and I’ve told him before that he shouldn’t be such a dick to her, but I can’t say too much or he will know that I like her. I have asked her before why she puts up with his crap, and she says stuff like “I know, I wish he was more like you†and all that. She has actually said “I wish you were my boyfriend and not him.†So, what do I do about that? I mean, of course, I want to tell her to dump him, but even if she did, I can’t exactly ask her out while we’re still roommates, right? So, now I am confused and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to mess things up with my friends and my band, but this situation is stupid and it drives me crazy. Other than the girl thing, he’s a pretty alright guy. What should I do?


I think you need to move out. You will probably be better friends with the guy if you don’t have to witness his douchebaggery first-hand, and that way you can keep the peace with all of your friends. Surely the rest of them realize that he treats this girl like crap, too? And surely they know that she is cool and doesn’t deserve it, right? So, move out, stay friends with her, and then if she ever gets smart enough to dump him, you can ask her out.

The thing is, a lot of people don’t know how to have a good relationship, and some of them don’t want to. I’m not saying that’s the case with this girl, but you aren’t going to convince her (and you shouldn’t try) that she deserves better. She has to decide for herself not to take his crap, and if you try to tell her what to do, you will just force her to defend him, which will more likely than not unite them against you, thereby making you homeless, friendless, girlfriendless and potentially bandless—all for trying to be a nice guy.

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