Seniors are fun! They have stories and experiences to share, and most importantly, they don’t give a shit about what you think of them.
You should attach yourself to one. A grandparent, aunt or uncle, or a perfect stranger that has no heirs and is getting pretty old.
Athens has a senior center called ACAK, the Athens Counsel for Alta Kakas, which in the urban dictionary means “old farty type person.” Look it up…
Seniors have a love life. Hopefully it is with their spouse, but many times through divorce and death they seek other options, for example online dating, alcohol, self-satisfaction or pets.
Online dating as you get older is not easy. It’s kind of like slow speed dating, where you get a certain amount of time to tell people about yourself and try to keep them interested long enough to finish your story. The worst part is that they never get to the end of the story, because they forgot what they were talking about.
They do have special dating sites for seniors. “Old and in the Way,” you have to be over 90 to join. There is the Jewish website, “Plenty of Gefilte Fish,” and also “What Time” for the forgetful senior.
You’re probably thinking at this point, “Why does this guy think he is an expert on seniors?” Well, I am over 65 and am rich and single. At least my name is Rich.
I’ve been married over 40 years, when you sum up all of my marriages. Actually, I’ve been divorced twice, but each one was mutual. They would say, “Leave now,” and I would say, “OK.” It was kind of sad, because each left for a friend of mine, and I miss those guys.
I should have known that the marriages were in trouble when my spouses’ interpretation of getting lucky was me falling asleep before asking for sex. I’m pretty good at kissing though. I practice a lot—mirrors, dogs, etc. I got to first base the other day, but then got picked off.
Enough about me, as there is so much more to learn about seniors. Sometimes it’s hard to tell someone’s age, because they dye their hair and are in good shape. If you see someone in the express lane with 30 items, who then writes a check, they are probably a senior.
Another dead give away is when they walk with determination to another room and come back with a puzzled look of why they went there. They are probably a senior.
If you see an older person with younger kids, they are probably a senior, or possibly a pervert.
You can always drop your keys to the ground and a senior will bend down to pick them up 99% of the time, but it may take them a while to get back up.
Many seniors have a fair amount of free time, because they are retired. Some use it to drive back and forth between doctors, so they can tell their friends what hurts them. It’s almost like a competition when they get together with their friends to see who has had more operations.
Some have become hypochondriacs just so that they can compete with some of their sicker friends. Thank goodness they have a placebo to cure that terrible disease!
Many use their time for volunteer work. Some deliver Meals on Wheels to themselves.
The most important thing that you need to know is that if you are walking into a building, run ahead of the senior and get the door for them. It pisses them off, as they think, “You don’t think that I can open this door by myself, you little shit?”
Adopt a senior today, or at the very least, make believe that you are interested in what they have to say.
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