I like what you've done with your balls.
The Fifty Shades franchise will have to work really hard to be less interesting than this bland sequel. Fifty Shades Darker sees Anastasia Steele and billionaire sadist Christian Grey (Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan) get back together so they can have some very unsexy onscreen sex before very little happens to threaten the movie’s lack of drama.
Due to poor luck in its initial casting, this franchise was saddled with two unappealing actors, who themselves are saddled with two unappealing characters, thanks to author E.L. James, whose hubby, Niall Leonard, wrote this blisteringly boring adaptation. Director James Foley’s experience with talky stage work (see his excellent adaptation of Glengarry Glen Ross) may have made him an on-paper appropriate replacement for Sam Taylor-Johnson, but nothing could save this dull dud.