Where's Nicholas Cage when you need him?
Horror film distribution is infuriating. So much great horror—Starry Eyes and The Babadook to name merely two—is flooding the VOD market, yet The Pyramid gets a wide release. Not even Alexandre Aja’s superior, latest film Horns could get as wide a release as the directorial debut of his filmmaking partner, Gregory Levasseur. This is barely a step above Syfy-grade horror that mixes the ingredients of so many better scary flicks together.
A father-daughter archaeological team (“American Horror Story”’s Denis O’Hare and the very pretty Ashley Hinshaw, who makes as unconvincing a scientist as predecessors Denise Richards and Tara Reid) enter a long-lost pyramid with a news crew (James Buckley and Christa Nicola) and a robotics expert (Amir K) only to discover that something deadly walks the tomb.
Actually, the last-act reveal is a wildly entertaining twist on Egyptian mythology that gets lost in the cacophonic sound design. The ear-shredding Event Horizon finally has some competition for uncomfortably loud horror.
The Pyramid would have been more scarily successful as a haunted Saw house than as a creature feature. The CGI is really terrible, but what is worse is how uninterestingly the creatures are introduced. This movie makes August’s As Above, So Below look relatively fantastic.