November 23, 2016

I'm Not Invited to My Friend's Wedding. Should I Be Pissed?

Hey, Bonita…

Dear Bonita,

Two of my oldest friends are getting married in a few months, but I wasn't invited to the wedding. That's really messed up on its own, but I'm really offended because I'm the one that set them up! I remember years ago in college when the bride was desperate to get her future groom’s attention, and I really did help with that. I encouraged her to approach him—he's really shy when it comes to women—and kept encouraging her when he didn't seem that interested.

Now he's actually gonna marry her, and I'm being told that the wedding is “really expensive” and that “there are only so many seats available.” Every other random hanger-on from our college days managed to get a seat, though! AND their spouses! Plus her parents are rich with “old money.” I know they can handle one more guest!

Simply put, I'm hurt and angry. Everyone's getting all excited to go on a trip to this out-of-town wedding, and I just get to stay in Athens like an asshole. She insists it's just a space issue, but I just can't believe that. She and I had our ups and downs as friends back in the day, so I suspect this is her petty nature rearing its ugly head. Should I trust that she just ran out of space on the guest list, or does this sound fishy to you, too?


Left Out

Left Out,

Yeah, hun, this sounds fishy as hell to me. A rich girl throwing a lavish destination wedding ran out of seats before she was able to invite the person who introduced her to her husband, but she still has seats for the partners of peripheral college friends? Caterers always make extra food, and there are always extra chairs in event spaces. You're right—this woman just doesn't want you at her wedding.

What to do? It hurts to get shunned like that, and I know it doesn't help to watch your friends get excited to go to a place where you're not welcome. Find another friend who either isn't going or wasn't invited, and share your frustrations with them. Talk to the bride about why she'd so blatantly try to isolate you within your group of friends, and if you wanna be a real jerk about it, wait until a week before the wedding, when she's gone Bridezilla and is freaking out about everything. (I know that's not nice, but neither is the woman in question.)

Above all, count your real friends and keep them close. Don't worry about the attention or approval of people who go out of their way to try to hurt you.

I got a new roommate on short notice through Craigslist. It's always a gamble, but this girl is really nice and laid-back. She's not from here, either, so it's interesting to learn about other places through her. One thing, though, is that she doesn't like to wear many clothes around the house. She's always walking through the shared spaces in her underwear, or even naked! I'm nervous to bring my boyfriend over now, because I don't want him being distracted by this exotic, undressed girl getting a Coke out of the fridge. I've tried to talk to her about it, but I always freeze up. How do I nip this in the bud?

Very easily: Lay down some ground rules about the house. It's all about making the household comfortable for everyone who lives there, so I think this is an issue worth addressing. I'd also recommend not making it about her (“You need to wear clothes around my boyfriend”), but about a shared household agreement (“We’ll all be dressed when people are over”).

I'm sure y'all have established norms like “Turn on the dishwasher when it's full” and such, so come up with some others about conduct around guests. I think you can relax as far as worrying your boyfriend will run away with your nude roommate, but it's gonna help you feel a lot better if you two agree to be clothed whenever there's company around.

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