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April 4, 2018

It Was a Casual Hookup, But Now I Want More

Hey, Bonita…

Dear Bonita,

I had a casual hookup a while back. The person was an acquaintance, not a close friend—someone I see around here and there. Talented and attractive, for sure. I’d always thought they were hot, so I was really tickled once we finally got over the hump (ha ha) and had our meeting of the minds. Good times, good times.

Now that we’ve done our thing, I can’t really get this person out of my mind. It was made pretty clear at the time that this was just a one-night casual thing, but that’s not really sitting well with me. This isn’t my first one-night stand by a long shot, but it’s probably the first time I’ve gotten a crush after the fact. We traded numbers, but we’re not talking or anything, and I’m nervous to reach out about a date after having already slept with them. It’s just not what you do.

Why not? Why can’t you date a person you’ve already had sex with? I get where you’re coming from, though. The socially accepted modus operandi for relationships usually doesn’t start with a casual encounter, but I know plenty of couples who are years-deep into fulfilling relationships that started that way. When I think of how these people made that happen, it was about communication. These are couples who did talk to each other after their fling, got to know each other and decided to try it out for real.

You may be at a disadvantage now that you’ve been out of contact with that person for a while now—that silence can mean something, but don’t take it too personally. There’s no harm in reaching out and asking about meeting for a drink or some food. The worst they can say is no, and you seem pretty realistic about that possibility.

I say shoot your shot, homie. Either you’ll get a date, or you won’t.


I have a secret. I am what most folks call a “conspiracy theorist.”

I believe that 9/11 was an inside job, and that the USS Cole was a false-flag attack used to prime us for the upcoming police state that we currently live in. I believe that lots of these domestic terrorist attacks are false flags. But I don’t believe that the general public are shills or sheeple, and I want to educate people on these events and share my knowledge so that people can prepare themselves to rise up against tyranny.

But Athens is very liberal, and so are my family and coworkers. I hear folks talking about tinfoil hats and making fun of folks who are trying to spread the truth and wake everyone up. You’re always telling people how to come out of this closet and that closet. So how do I come out about my truth-seeking ways to those I care for? The nation is at a turning point right now, and I want to see my family safe, but I don’t want to be called a lunatic for my beliefs.

I have an old friend who got married, moved to the desert and started stockpiling arms, food and children out of nowhere about 10 years ago. She just did it. I knew her views—the first time I met her husband, he was wearing an Alex Jones “Tyranny Response Team” shirt—but I never commented on them, because that’s their business, and they’re not racists. Suddenly, one of my best homegirls was living her truth, and you’re right—for most people who write in, that truth is more about orientation and gender expression. But your personal worldview is also part of your identity, and I agree that you should be able to express that freely.

I say just speak your truth. Say what you believe to be true, and share what you think is most valuable and life-changing for those whom you care about. People might not share your views, but I hope they’ll be able to see that your intentions are good and true. The people who care about you will not ridicule you for your beliefs and will see that you’re coming from a place of concern and love. I agree that the nation is at a turning point, and I think we’d all love to have a friend with a bunker right about now.

Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, use our anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.

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