So, how's the first week of the rest of your life treating you? Here's a little Vitamin G rap for all the cool kids back in school: "Stay in school/ Don't be a fool/ The streets are cruel/ So, yo, stay in school." It's, like, totally socially relevant and shit. At any rate, sneak a peek below to get up to speed on all the local haps for this week...

So Long Farewell, Auf Weidersehen Goodnight: Speaking of students, a few hundred brand new ones packed the fabulous 40 Watt to see local heroes Maserati perform their last show with founding member and guitarist Matt Cherry. The obvious highlight of the night was when the band brought local artist Andy LeMaster on-stage to perform the vocals to a cover of - no joke - U2's 1987 classic "Where the Streets Have No Name." Amazing: this moment, which could have been one of the most cornball moments in Athens music history, was thoroughly pleasant and well worth the trouble the band went to figuring it out.

Jesus Was a Capricorn: The local keyboard/ pop-trash/ New Wave group The Capricorns have been up to some real exciting stuff lately. First of all is the release of their newest album, Go The Distance, recently released by the California label Banazan. In other band news, The Capricorns will be included on an upcoming compilation being released by Olympia, WA, label Kill Rock Stars. Look for their track "Steve And Tiffanie" to be included on the Track and Fields compilation, which doesn't, as yet, have a solid release date. For more information go to the sorely-in-need-of-an-update www.thecapricorns.com, or check out www.banazan.com or www.killrockstars.com.

Good Thing They're Not a Street Gang: Athens has long been known for its rather incestuous music scene, but it's really a situation caused more from artistic restlessness than snobbery.

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At any rate, local sound-hunters (and gatherers) will be floored by the sheer volume of artists performing on the upcoming album by Aqualove. Timi Conley (formerly know as merely "Tim" Conley) heads everything up, and his compatriots are: Seth Hendershot, Neil Fountain, Andrew Reissiger, Elissa Hadley, Julia Schoenning, Robin Fuller, Rob McMaken, Bain Mattox and Andrej Kurti. What is that? Like 10 people?! That's easily the size of two and a half bands. By simply doing the math it's obvious that Aqualove is easily two-and-a-half times better than the average band. Either way, the basic tracks were all recorded over at Chase Park Transduction Studios and currently some remixing, overdubbing and other studio wizardry is happening at Conley's own Boulevard Gold Traxx studio. The whole thing is supposed to be released in September, which is now, so start asking around.

From Vietnam to The Food Network in a Few Simple Steps: All right kids, Uncle Gordon is about to mention a whole bunch of bands you may have never heard of, so pay attention and take notes. Veteran Athens musicians Dana Downs (Vietnam, Go Van Go, Club GaGa, et al), Deborah Wall (Supervixens, Vietnam, The Carlisles, et al) and Doug Stanley (The Glands, The Helium Kidz, et al) are enjoying some recent appreciation for an album they recorded and released a few years ago under the moniker The Dana Downs Band. The album Subterfuge has been pulling at the ears of some TV folks and recently landed the band a live spot on "Food Nation," The Food Network's program hosted by cocky pro chef Bobby Flay. Also appearing on the show is ex-Athenian, University of Georgia alumnus and cookbook writer "Hoppin'" John Martin Taylor. If you wanna catch the re-run of the show, here are the times it's slated to air again: Sept. 3, 12:30 a.m.; Sept. 8, 3 a.m.; Sept. 13, 7 p.m. The band is currently doing pre-production work for the follow up to Subterfuge - word is it'll contain, among other things, a full gospel choir.

Rock Over London: Athens had a couple of reasons to take note of occurrences across the pond recently. Rock and roll homeboys The Agenda recently played both the Leeds and Reading festivals in jolly ol' England and, as can be expected, the band had an amazing time. The band performed to approximately 75,000 people, shared a common backstage with all the bands (which is a very cool idea and one that other promoters should take note of) and got to hang out with some old friends. Also of note: sexy beast Har Mar Superstar apparently was DJ'ing a party backstage and members of Spoon, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Turbonegro and others sat in amazement watching Agenda members Dan Geller, Ian Cone and Justin Robinson dance their sweaty asses off.

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Final Notes: Stomp and Stammer publisher and longtime rock-music scribe Jeff Clark recently moved to Athens, so if you see him say hello - he won't bite unless your band's lousy; rocker Andrew W.K. will be clerking (as in waiting on customers and ringing up sales) at Atlanta's Criminal Records on Sunday, September 7; the cops are out in full force, folks, so don't let a night of music turn into a night in the drunk tank. Have fun, but get a cab home.

And that's it. I'm off like a dirty shirt. Remember as always, my lovelies, get your news to me early and often. There are enough new folks in town now to cause a stink and stir something up, so get to it. Reference "Threats & Promises" in the subject line of all -mails or just drop my name in there. Either way, make it obvious. Dance this mess around via email to music@flagpole.com, voicemail at 549-2360; via fax at 548-8981; or by post at P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.

Gordon Lamb