Oh man, this week is good. There are so many out-of-town bands and out-of-town people here. This rules. I love this. I live for this. If any of the people in town for the Athens PopFest asks for directions or anything from one of you guys make sure you reprazent, okay?

Oh, Great. Now You Tell Me: Man, this is great news. Hysterical, as in side-splitting hysterical, comedian Patton Oswalt will perform and act as emcee during this weekend's Blue Ribbon Ball hosted by local promotion force-to-be-reckoned-with Team Clermont. I first saw Oswalt a couple of years back and nearly passed out from laughing which I hardly ever do because 99 percent of all comedians just aren't funny. Oswalt rules the stage when he's on it and audiences leave his performances aching from laughing so much.

This give all of you even more reason to throw on that suit or prom dress and head down to the Blue Ribbon Ball at The Georgia Theatre on Saturday, Aug. 7. For ticket information and other details and hoo-ha please see www.teamclermont.com.

The Thing Absolutely Did Not Happen: A quiet buzz floated around town last week about what could possibly happen at the performance by former Posies member and current R.E.M. keyboard player Ken Stringfellow. Would R.E.M. actually play? Would Stipe even show up to throw a few vocals over something? Well, sad to say, nothing of the sort ever materialized or even came close. Stringfellow played a lovely set of his solo material and it was really, really nice. The man has a great voice and a pop sensibility that cannot be denied. At times reminding me of Big Star (with whom he performed at some of their reunion shows) and Todd Rundgren, Stringfellow has no problem at all jerking tears from audiences. That said, what is it with you people? Time was that any rumor that R.E.M. would be playing created mass hysteria and overflowing clubs. By any sense of justice the Caledonia should have been packed to capacity just from the notion that members of R.E.M. might be playing. The only people that seemed excited at this possibility were a handful of German tourists that waited throughout the night and left disappointedly. Well, them's the breaks. For more information of Ken Stringfellow, his releases, etc. please see www.kenstringfellow.com.

But, You Know, A Band Can't Be Everywhere!: Aforementioned power-trio R.E.M. has been up to a whole lotta stuff in their own right, y'know. They can't just be jumpin' on stage with everyone they'd like to. Well, okay, yeah, they could. R.E.M. can do pretty much anything they want to do, but you know what I mean. Frontman Michael Stipe is currently reported to be hanging out doing something or other in England. In other news, the band just recently had a sneak preview listening party for the first single off their next album. The single, titled "Leaving New York," was previewed by staffers of XFM Radio in the UK and early reports indicate it is a "pretty, piano-driven piece." The as-yet—untitled- album will be released in the UK on September 27 and here on October 4. Stipe told English music magazine NME, in a report published this week, that current world events have had "a profound effect on [his] writing style" and that the new album is influenced by the "current state of affairs in the world." Stipe further explained that, "At this time, as an American, I feel like the angriest pacifist in the world and I don't think I'm alone in that. It's not an easy time to live through." I would have to agree with Stipe in that this is not at all an easy time to be an American. Although I suspect we're angry for completely different reasons there's no reason we can't all be angry together. Everybody now…

Athens Just Rules. Here's Proof : On Friday, July 16, the third annual Playing For A Cure benefit took place over at the Oconee County Civic Center, raising money to combat juvenile diabetes. The event is host to many fundraising activities such as musical performances, softball games and auctions. The most talked about and envied item each year is the thing known as the "Athens Guitar." Maureen McGinley's idea for the Athens guitar, signed by various members of the Athens music community, was first thought up for the 2001 benefit and inspired by a photograph which ran in a 1983 article in People. The photograph featured what was then almost the whole of the Athens rock scene and the idea was to see how many of those signatures she could still get on a guitar and then auction it off. Considering that the bands in question were The Method Actors, R.E.M., The B-52's, Limbo District, Oh-OK and many other now legendary groups, one can see why this was a neat idea. This year's benefit saw performances by Jean Spencer, Nathan Beaver, Katie Ford (of the Warblers), Mike Steele, Mark Smith, Rick Fowler, Todd Burton, Mike Hines and Danny Smith. For more information on this wonderful cause please see www.netnik.com/cure.

X-treme Sports: Extreme Animals, the minds behind the insano underground web site Paper Rad, are passing through town again and playing a show at Tite Pockets with local noiseniks Green Bean Go. The guys played a show at the X-Ray Café last year, and anyone who witnessed the MIDI-sampling blip rock freakouts seemed to have a blast. Flagpole recently spoke with the band via email and we've got it posted on our web site; check out the whole shebang at www.flagpole.com, and find out more information (and have your brain melted) over at www.paperrad.org. [Chris Hassiotis]

Durham, No Bull: This Years Durham Music Festival, which is held in Durham, NC, has a lineup featuring local act Circulatory System and then The Butchies, Early Day Miners, Enon, The Mountain Goats, The Rosebuds and Chris Stamey of college radio legends The DB's. This sounds like a good time and if you're not already busy during the weekend of August 20 you might want to check out www.durhammusicfestival.org and get some more information.

Athens Music Quote Of The Week: "Yeah, it was cut down 'cause it was ruining this wall." Dave Schools (Widespread Panic, Stockholm Syndrome) remarking on the new absence of the massive tree that once resided near the entry to The Caledonia Lounge. The tree in question had actually been embedded in said wall (which surrounds the patio area behind the club) for tens of years; Schools was being facetious. The tree was cut down because it was threatening the back wall and roof of the building. The stump now in its place has already served a ready purpose for patrons needing a table or extra seat.

And that's it for this week folks. Please send your stuff in early and often and always reference either me or Threats & Promises in the subject line of all e-mail. Talk about the passion via email at music@flagpole.com, voicemail at 549-9523, ext. 214; or by post at P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.
Gordon Lamb