Too much caffeine and too little sleep puts me solidly on the cranky side of the street. No, don't touch me. Stay where you are. Everything you need is found below:

If Voting Changed Anything It Would Be Illegal: Thousands of readers over at Jambase.com put down the bong and plunked away at their keyboards late last year to vote for their "Best Of 2002." Our sweet hometown was honored by numerous mentions. Among Athens folk receiving accolades: Widespread Panic, who received a simply staggering amount of top awards which are too numerous to list here, The Georgia Theatre was voted "Best Live Venue" and

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Jomo Entertainment came in second in the "Best Promoter" category. The size and scope of the entire "jam" scene is enormous. Get the lowdown on this and other mind blowing concepts over at jambase.com Congratulations guys.

Wanna See A Guy Staple Himself To A Firetruck? Athens' Fabulous 40 Watt will host a night of hi-jinks and juvenile madness on Wednesday, January 15 via a "performance," entitled appropriately "Don't Try This At Home," by Steve-O, star of MTV's "Jackass" and the movie of the same name (see story on p. 27). Appearing with Mr. O will be "other Jackass performers." I have no idea who they will be but the same talent could probably be found on College Square after 2 a.m. on any given night. Tickets, which at $20 a pop had better guarantee a time you won't forget, are available as we speak. I would encourage the curious-with-this-much-disposable-income to attend and give a full report. If you've ever seen the show then you know its akin to watching a bar fight or a car accident. No matter how much it pains, you simply can't turn away.

How's About Them Apples?: While not a local band,

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The Apples In Stereo have come to have a special place in the hearts of Athens music fans if only by their status as founding fathers of The Elephant Six Collective. Well, it seems the band has just returned from a fabulously sold-out tour which criss-crossed Europe like a musical Zorro and the group is now going to treat its U.S. fans to a dose. Although the current schedule won't bring the Apples to Athens, if you're willing to battle Atlanta traffic then go welcome them back on Monday, February 3 at The Earl. For more info you can always go to spinartrecords.com.

And The Winner Is...: The North Mississippi Allstars (who have a show scheduled at the Georgia Theatre on Friday, January 24) have been nominated for a Grammy in the Best Contemporary Blues Album category for their record 51 Phantom (Tone-Cool). Josh Moore over at Jomo Entertainment would like to wish the guys luck and asks that you do the same. [Sarah Lee]

Why Pay The Rent At All?: Non-Profit cultural organization Tamizdat has released this month a 15 CD set by unbelievably freakish beardo-weirdoes The Plastic People Of The Universe. The set spans the band's entire output from 1969-2001 and looks to be simply incredible. It's not cheap (U.S. prices clock in at $150 a set!). However, it's coming all the way from the Czech Republic so the least you could do is spring for the boat ticket. All this and a ton more cool stuff can be found at tamizdat.org.

Please Tell Me Somebody Made This Up? According to the newswire over at cmj.com, the United States Senate has named 2003 "The Year Of The Blues" and has urged President Bush to issue a proclamation encouraging municipalities to launch "appropriate ceremonies, activities and educational programs." Oh, good god, when the mainstream press gets ahold of this they will have a field day. For now, let's just pretend it didn't happen.

More Work, Less Pay Equals Our Own Event: The Atlanta Chapter of the Recording Academy (read: Atlanta arm of the Grammy Awards) presents a "Women in Music Industry Panel and Showcase" on Sunday, Feb. 2 at the 40 Watt Club. The event begins late afternoon and features women professionals in the industry such as Barrie Buck, Velena Vego, Nan Fisher, Jennifer Nettles and others offering advice and anecdotes on the fickle music biz. The panel discussion is followed by a showcase with musicians Kitty Snyder, Jan Smith and Friends, Bachelor Red and Sugarland with Jennifer Nettles. Admission is $10. More information can be found by visiting www.pitch-a-tent.com or www.40watt.com. [SL]

A Chance at Fame: Miller Lite, Musician's Warehouse, Flagpole and Full Moon Studio are sponsoring a "Locals Only" New Music Search. The bandmembers must be 21 and over and submit their entries by January 24. Bands have a chance to be chosen as one of 16 finalists vying for the top prize of $2500 in cash, 25 hours recording time at Full Moon Studio, gigs at several venues around town, 5,000 CDs and musical equipment from Musician's Warehouse. See the ad in this issue for how to enter. [Sarah Lee]

Six Pack... um String... Smack Down: The second round of Six String Smack Down will be held at Flicker Theatre on Saturday, January 18 with Paul Lombard and Friends battling Bill Oglesby, Ken Shank and former "Homebillies" singer Steve Casadont in what's being called a "seamless, no holds barred, acoustic tag-team event." In a related announcement, there's a new production/management company in town called T'angelo Productions, proud co-sponsor of the Smackdown. The company is owned by former Atlantan T. Angelo Rabinowitz and will specialize in the "emerging alt-acoustic" genre. For more info call 549-8978.

Tupelo Redux: Seminal rock/country band Uncle Tupelo, the founders of which have gone on to create Wilco and Son Volt, will have three of its four albums reissued in March by Columbia/Legacy. The band, which by all accounts ushered in, but cannot be held responsible for, the "alt-country" or "Americana" musical movement of the mid-1990s, specialized in both beautiful acoustic balladry and broodingly sad moodiness. The three titles, originally released on the Rockville Label, are No Depression, Still Feel Gone and March 16-20, 1992. This third one has a special place in Athens music history by virtue of its being produced by R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck and ’cause it features performances by both John Keane and David Barbe. All three records will include revamped packaging and bonus tracks. This just warms my heart.

Single White Male seeks healthy practice space: Aqualove member Neal Fountain has been frustrated by the lack of available practice space in town just like every other starving musician who knows what it's like to play in the acoustically challenged rentable storage mini-warehouse. So, to help out his fellow players, Fountain purchased a building off Collins Industrial (up North Ave., approx. two miles from downtown) and has been converting it into 11 centrally heated and cooled practice areas. Fountain says eight of the spaces are already available and can be rented monthly. "It's hard to be creative unless you've got some sort of comfort level," says Fountain. Athens musicians, "your room's ready," he adds. [SL]

And that's all for this week folks. Keep your bands busy and your news coming. Do the wild thing via email to music@flagpole.com, voicemail at 549-2360; via fax at 548-8981; or by post at P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.

Gordon Lamb