Okay, no fancy intro this week, people. There's a lot of news so let's get to it...

Get Drunk And Just try To Say It: Those titans of Athens rock music, Je Suis France, will be hosting, along with Stomp & Stammer Magazine, their 5th Annual Twilight Delirium on Saturday, April 24 at Tasty World. Playing this year will be Summer Hymns, physical comedy troupe Triple Velcro, Guided By Voices cover band King Shit & The Golden Boys, Fairmount Fair and, of course, Je Suis France. For those unfamiliar with The Twilight Delirium here goes: five years ago these dudes set up a party in which a bunch of bands played and since this all happened the same weekend as the Twilight Criterium bicycle race, they thought they'd cleverly play on that theme. Well, it worked. I have single-handedly drunk more beer at Twilight Delirium shows than almost any others. In other news the band currently has two brand spanking new EP's available through Nokahoma Records, which is owned by France member The Darkness (AKA Ryan Martin). God's Cake is a collection of rejected songs and oddball tracks and Tittania is full of cover songs which were mostly horrid to begin with. If you head to their web site I think you can get them for free or pretty damn cheap. For more information please see www.jesuisfrance.com.

This Is America. We Can Waste our Money Any Way We Want!: Oh, boy. At the recent Date Auction sponsored by and benefiting DanceFX, the non-profit Athens dance organization, Jump, Little Children frontman Matt Bivens (who could never be confused with the left-leaning political commentator of the same name) apparently caused a bidding war. Yes, the final bid for a date with the man DanceFX spokespeople say is "mainly known for his sex appeal" was $300. While I admire anyone willing to be auctioned for a good cause

threats-davidbyrne.jpg

I still have to question the stability of someone willing to pay for this guy. In an official press release from DanceFX it is written that "Girls flock to the concerts, not only to hear Jump's cutting-edge alternative rock music, but to watch Matt Bivens dance and hope for a chance to meet his eye or talk to him after the show." Um, sorry girls, but I own butter knives that have more of a cutting edge than this band. Speaking for himself, Bivens said, "I wholeheartedly support DanceFX." If I were in his position it would behoove me to say the exact same thing. Either way, if you want some more information on the good work, and it really is good work, that DanceFX does please write to Danceathens@aol.com

Master of the Tickets: If you're mopey about missing out on getting tickets for the Pixies' October 14 show at Atlanta's Fox Theatre (they went on sale last Friday; start saving up to put those scalpers' babies through college), here's some warning for you. David Byrne is coming to the Georgia Theatre on June 11. Tickets go on sale this Friday, April 16, so pick up a couple. [Chris Hassiotis]

Baby, You're A Star: Athens favorite New Wave/dance band The Capricorns are in the midst of shooting their first music video. Actually, the project will include approximately an hour's worth of film for use during live shows and this footage will be edited down for use in the traditional three-minute-rock-video format. The short version will be for the song "Baby Teeth" and you, too, can get in on the action. Songwriter and head Capricorn -

threats-heatherlynn.jpg

and often the only Capricorn - Heather Lynn reports that she needs "a ton more people." So if you want to shake your booty in the first video by an absolutely fabulous band please write to wearethemadscientists@hotmail.com

Vacation Be Damned. This Man Won't Rest: Although his main band, Widespread Panic, has official declared 2004 to be their year off, member Dave Schools refuses to just relax. He has teamed up with Athens musician Kyle Spence of The Tom Collins to form the current incarnation of The Fog. The band will perform as the backup band for former Dinosaur Jr. moaner J Mascis when he brings his droopy mug to Athens on Wednesday, April 28. This show will rock absolutely and anyone who digs rock that doesn't need to always be a fashion statement will be there. The rest of you can watch VH1 for all I care. The show happens at the fabulous 40 Watt and more info can be gotten over at www.jomoentertainment.com.

Country Music, Hospitals and Golf: Longtime Athens country music performer, and Grammy nominee, John Berry will be lending his ample talents to The Saint Mary's Hospital And Hospice Golf Benefit to be held April 19 at The Jennings Mill Country Club. Berry has always, and I mean always, been available for benefit causes that he believes in. So I'm assuming he thinks it's a good one. Which it is. Other acts on the bill are Billy Dean, Deborah Allen, Kevin Sharp and Hometown News with others to be announced. The golf tournament begins at noon and the music starts at 7 p.m. While I support folks in their benefit endeavors, this one particular event make me wonder: who can afford to go to a charity golf event at noon on a Monday? If you're one of the few who can please contact publicityhouse@comcast.net. For more information on John Berry please see www.johnberry.net.

Got Videos?: The Athens Film Foundation, in association with Athfest 2004, is still accepting submissions for this year's music video competition. So if any of you local filmmakers, video guerrillas or whatever want to try to grab a brass ring please head over to www.athensfilmfoundation.org. But you have to hurry! The absolute final deadline is Friday, April 30.

Thank You So Much: The ACME Festival, which was held April 1-4, was an incredible success for performers, attendees and organizers. Attendance was much more than normal for an event of this type and local art gallery ATHICA was packed to the absolute legal capacity on the night it hosted. Saturday night at the fabulous 40 Watt was by far the most well-attended show of the weekend with a crowd topping 200. Although the even was absolutely ignored by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, whose classical music editor wouldn't even respond to queries about covering the event, the ACME Festival will receive widespread coverage by influential press such as The Wire and Signal To Noise magazines and cultural web sites Bagatellen and Dusted, all of which had writers present. Also of note in attendance was Kurt Kellison who has been pivotal in expanding the accessibility of improvisational Jazz by way of his Atavistic label. Organizer Eric Hinds said of the event, "This really couldn't have happened anywhere else. We had the support of townies, the mayor, Democrats and Republicans, GU and its School Of Music and others." A quick survey of the audiences proved that many others agreed with him in respect to the uniqueness of this festival. Audience members came from not only the Southeast U.S., but from as far away as Canada and Sweden. Personal highlights included being able to see Peter Brötzmann perform three separate times, hearing a lecture by Joe McPhee and being able to see Chicago's favorite son Ken Vandermark go a couple of rounds with music journalists. In fact, I am of the opinion that the roundtable discussions and lectures were not only a welcome addition to the festival, but were vital to it. Mr. Vandermark, Hinds and Julie Powell, all of whom performed an enormous amount of work to make this happen, deserve our gracious thanks. Hinds said that while no plans are currently set for a festival next year, he hopes it can happen again. Oh, man, so do I. For more information on the festival itself, organizers Hinds and Powell or on the improvisational/outsider music scene please write to info@solponticello.com or visit www.solponticello.com or www.acmefestival.com

Okay, that's it. Seriously. Please send your news in and reference either me or Threats & Promises in the subject line of all emails. Hush that fuss via email at music@flagpole.com, voicemail at 549-2360; or by post at P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.

Gordon Lamb