Well, I bet you're all waiting for what's in store for you this week, huh? Well hell, pardner, look below and get sanctified...

Counting Down the Days: AthFest is almost upon us! And with AthFest comes the 2003 Flagpole Athens Music Awards show. All the ballots are in and done been counted, so those of who didn't vote this year, for shame! Worried that Hulk opens the same weekend? Shut it, cause AthFest lasts from Thursday, June 19, until Sunday, June 22. Check out p. 11 for a quick rundown, and next week's Flagpole for the whole up'n'down. [Chris Hassiotis]

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Thanks, But No Thanks: Although the production was seamless, the crowd pleasant and enthusiastic and the club employees gracious and polite, the recent appearance by Tomahawk over at Le Fabulous 40 Watt left so much to be desired that it would have been best if they hadn't even played. Frontman Mike Patton, formerly of retardo metal-blech band Faith No More and current member of goofballs Mr. Bungle, was in full on ass-hat mode as he rolled around on the floor, screamed his vocals and diddled a keyboard/ noisemaker for effect. The band itself was musically indistinguishable from the hoards of radio-ready metal-pop-scary junk that already exists. Sorry, Mr. Patton, you may ride your horse of a different color, but it still only leaves horseshit. Thank heavens that the mighty mighty Melvins, who were incredible, were also on this bill or the whole night might have been a loss.

Sorry, Guys, It Ain't Happening: The rumored gig by hardcore legends D.R.I. (Dirty Rotten Imbeciles) over at Le Caledonia Lounge on June 19 ain't actually happening. Through the wonderful tool of miscommunication I announced a couple of weeks back that the band would be playing. Actually, it's going to be a listening party for the newest D.R.I. album. So, all you ancient punk-rock philistines tie those flannel shirts around your waist, drink some beer and have yourself a pogo hoedown a la Repo Man on that night instead.

Indiana, Indiana, Indiana We're All For You!: If someone in town doesn't start a punk rock label soon, we're gonna lose a lot of good bands to labels like the killer Plan-It-X! Records. Based out of Bloomington, IN, the label, which continues in the vein of early Dischord Records and Ebullition Records, is already home to Athens' own Carrie Nations and now word has come in that the label is dropping its first non-punk release, which will really be a re-releasing of Kissing And Dancing, originally self-released by local songwriter Madeline Adams. Got it? She has been touring a good amount recently with local title-pawn candidates Zumm-Zumm, among others, and punks near and far seem are quite smitten with her. And, ya know, what's not to love? Great songs, great voice, great personality, great leg warmers, etc. (and those shoes!) Congratulations Madeline. Remember, we knew you when. For more info take a look-see at www.plan-it-x.com.

There's Gangstas In Them Thar Hills: Athens rap fans might be interested in two new albums just released from the Athens-based G-Boy Productions. First up is The Untoald Truth by Tec-9 and then we have New World... by Y2-Koko. Both are Athens locals and a listen to either album makes that pretty clear. Continuous shout-outs to Clarke Central High School, Athens itself and various neighborhoods are present on both discs. Actually, this is one of the coolest things about anyone that has ever been in the gangsta-rap game. I dunno, but I just like it when people give props to their hometown and friends and stuff. Although the music and beats themselves are pretty run-of-the-mill, lyrically the listener is treated to an almost non-stop barrage of profanity, sexual escapade, gunfire, nigga this and nigga that, etc. So the point is that y'all better pay attention before these guys are all over 95.5 FM (The Beee-at!) and icing out the entire South.

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Everything But Little Red Books: Local band Beijing is up to a lot these days. First thing of note is that guitarist Trey McManus has for now left the group to concentrate on his life as a guitar tech with the very cool Rochester, NY, band Longwave. But, the guys in Beijing have plenty of news and momentum besides that. They'll be up in Myrtle Beach, SC, on June 20-21 to record some tracks with producer Rob Gainer (Evan Dando, The Drag, Mitch Easter) and then come back to Athens to play a show with the incredibly beautiful Pernice Brothers at Tasty World on June 23, then they swing down to Tallahassee to play a gig then come back to Athens to hit Tasty World again on June 28. Lots of cool stuff guys, but you could probably slow down a little. We move slowly here in the summer; you know, the humidity and all.

Bloop-Bloop, Bleep-Bleep, I Need A Beat: If you're willing to think outside the bun a little bit it would do you a world of good to head down to Boneshakers on Saturday, June 21, for the 2nd Annual Athens Electronic Music Festival. Sponsored by Dash Productions the all-day even is set to be a success with both local and regional DJs and performers cranking out the best and showcasing their skills. Notable acts include DJ 43, Synapse, Weatherman, Assembly, and Camilus. But, there are 22(!) acts playing that day and night, so it's quite hard for me to narrow it down to a few essentials. The festival runs from 2 p.m. until 2:30 a.m., so slow down on that afternoon vodka. You'll still have a ways to go if you're gonna stick it out. Tickets are available locally at Candy (www.candysticker.com) and cost $7 in advance and $10 at the door. For more info head over to www.dashproductions.com.

Local Lyric Of The Week: Ah, the part you've all been waiting for. Well, seein' as I'm still hot under the collar about the new bait-and-switch mayor here in Athens, this week's local lyric comes from "Ignoreland" off of R.E.M.'s magnificent 1992 album Automatic For The People: "These bastards stole their power from the victims of the Us v. Them years." 'Nuff said.

Whispers, Lies, Misinformation: So, have you heard the rumors going around town that Icelandic sound-expeditionists Sigur Rós are to play in Athens in early July? Yeah, we've heard them too, from people who swore they saw it on Pollstar.com or, well, somewhere. Anyway, let this publication be the first to tell you that, yes, Sigur Rós is playing in Athens. Here's the thing, though - you might've heard that there's another Athens around. The ambient noise quartet is playing in this town's namesake in Greece on Tuesday, July 1. Check the fine print, you overexcitable shaggy-hairs. [CH]

And we're off to the races yet again. Oh, if you guys want me to know what you're up to, PLEASE put my name in the subject line of your email or reference Threats And Promises in the subject line. Otherwise, I mightn't get it. And then where will you be? So follow these instructions and spin it like a helicopter via email to music@flagpole.com, voicemail at 549-2360; via fax at 548-8981; or by post to P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.

Gordon Lamb