Okay, first off, I am truly amazed by the number of people who have remarked that they didn't see me at the Suicide Girls burlesque thing a couple of weeks back. Look, guys, I just couldn't make it. But if y'all are so concerned about me seeing a bunch of half-naked women, you are more than welcome to bring some by my house and I'll be sure to take a good look. Cool? At any rate, here we go...

This Is What Happens When You leave Your Son Alone With A Jane Fonda Video: Word on the street has been that the local exercise gurus in Rump Posse pretty much trumped the aforementioned Suicide Girls when they opened the gig at the 40 Watt back on January 29. Even the group themselves feels this way. Or they might just be saying that. Either way, they will now serve as the perfect example of how far one can take a joke. To wit, the Atlanta label Die Slaughterhaus will release the debut album by the Posse, titled Steamy Scandals and Love Handles. While no release date has been set, the album will be released concurrently with an official Rump Posse workout video. In other Rump-related news, the band, which has sworn to only tour south of Athens, has booked a five-date tour of Miami. Seriously, the band will play at five different venues in Miami and then come home. You know, you can't make this stuff up. If you need to access any further information, please visit www.arches.uga.edu/~;matysiac/rump.

Who Will Buy His Memories? Or At Least His Tickets?: Okay people, The Red Headed Stranger himself, the legendary Willie Nelson, is coming to Athens and, contrary to rumor, the show is not sold out, as of the writing of this column. The show takes place Sunday, Feb. 15, at The Classic Center. Did ya hear me? I said Not Sold Out. As in there are still tickets. As in you can still take your mom. As in promoter Josh Moore's words, "there are still about 150 tickets left." However, all that appear to be left, according to the Classic Center website, are seats in the "upper mezzanine" (as in "just beneath the ceiling") section. Considering that these seats are going for $55 each it only seems fitting that Nelson should smoke y'all up before the show or something. Get it? Got it? Good. For more info and to purchase tickets go to www.jomoentertainment.com.

And People Seem To Honestly Like 'Em, Too: Atlanta band Honestly either has its collective finger on the pulse of what folks want to hear, or it has an incredible publicity machine. Or perhaps both. Either way, the band is making a hell of a lot of headway in this industry and I thought I'd let you know what it's up to. Honestly is selling out all over Atlanta and drawing crowds of more than 400 folks pretty much each time it plays. The band doesn't exactly draw flies in Athens, either. Regular crowds of approximately 250 seem to be the usual around here. Honestly is also constantly flying around the East Coast to play showcases for major labels and is starting to license songs out to TV and film concerns. Man, I'm not even gonna give an opinion on all this. I'm just gonna let you know that if you wanna know more head over to www.honestlyband.com.

That Means There's Four Of 'Em: One of the most talented ensembles to come out of Athens in the past several years is The Georgia Guitar Quartet.

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The group's getting ready to release its newest album, titled Mosaic, this spring, and even though there has been a four-year lapse in releases from the band, the guys also plan to release another album this Fall entitled Puzzle. Both albums will be available on the local Solponticello label. The band is getting ready to do a short tour of colleges, traveling from Rome, GA, all the way to New Jersey, New York, Michigan, Ohio and South Carolina. Check out www.georgiaguitarquartet.com.

Yeah, It's Local News, But Only By A Frickin' Hair: I'm throwing this in because it will probably be of interest to a decent amount of you that want to get drunk and watch a screen. Those supreme beings of the Chapel Hill, NC scene Superchunk have finally gotten a bunch of oddball footage together and released a DVD. Included is live shows, a documentary on the band, interviews and a whole bunch of other stuff. What makes this local news? Well the fabulous 40 Watt will be showing the DVD on Monday, Feb. 16 (See Movie Dope for details). And also, time was when Superchunk played Athens the whole damn town went. At any rate, it might be fun.

Worth The Drive?: Atlanta's The Masquerade steps away from its usual drudgery of metal and goth fantasy fulfillment to offer something truly interesting and worth the trip out West. Sunday, Feb. 15, psychedelic British Invasion group The Zombies perform.

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After a lengthy breakup, the group reunited in 1997. More influential than they ever were commercial (though they had minor hits with "She's Not There" and "Time of the Season"), you can hear the sound of the Zombies in the Kinks' music, the Doors' music, the Byrds' and just about all of the whole Elephant 6 gang. Original members Colin Blunstone (vocals) and Rod Argent (piano, organ) head the group. The Dexter Romweber Duo opens, so there's another nostalgiac's reason to trip down. [Chris Hassiotis]

And that's it for this week, gang. Like I've said before, get your news in early, often and always reference either me or Threats & Promises in the subject line of all emails. It takes a nation of millions to hold me back via email music@flagpole.com, voicemail at 549-2360; or by post at P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.

Gordon Lamb