As I scan articles obsessively from the tragedies of Apr. 25 and grieve for the families, children and loved ones of all of the victims, I find that a big part of this story has not been discussed. Many in our community are trying to make sense of what happened and looking for the reasons behind such senseless bloodshed.

This was not a random act. When a man kills his wife and innocent bystanders, it is about domestic violence. And domestic violence is ultimately about power and control.

Intimate partners in this country murder approximately three women every day. Just as it did here, it is a crime that produces shock, horror and finally tremendous grief and anger. If these killings were perpetrated by a single group with a name, Al-Qaeda for instance, or a street gang, the motivation behind the violence would be clear, and we would be up in arms as a nation.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that domestic homicides are any different. True, there is no master list of members to which abusers belong, but they do, as a group, have similar motives and profiles. They may look, talk and act just like us; hence our horror that this person we thought we knew is capable of murdering their one-time soul-mate. However, abusers’ intimate relationships are very different than those they have with their friends, neighbors and colleagues.

The vast majority of domestic violence murderers are male. Fatality review studies in Georgia found that between 2004 and 2008, 97 percent of the domestic violence homicides studied were perpetrated by males.

Domestic violence that ends in a homicide is rarely a case of the perpetrator “snapping.” Typically, he has used many different tactics to control his partner. When that power over her is in danger of being lost, usually through her desire to leave the relationship, taking her life is the ultimate control.

While I didn’t know George Zinkhan, there were red flags that this situation existed. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported on Apr. 30 that the lead investigator for the FBI, Gregory Jones, indicated there was “significant information about marital discord within the relationship,” and that Marie Bruce may have been about to file papers seeking a divorce. He also indicated that Zinkhan exhibited “controlling-type behavior” around his wife.

Many Types of Abuse

Normally, when most people think of domestic violence, they think only of physical abuse. But abusers manifest power and control in many different ways. Mary Ann Dutton, a professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University and a clinical psychologist, defines domestic violence as “a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner.”

Although abusers don’t train as a group, they all use similar methods to exert control over their partners—techniques that one would find in a torture manual:

• Physical Abuse: hitting, slapping, punching, pushing, shoving, pinching, biting and pulling hair. Can include physical restraint, strangulation and assault with a deadly weapon.
  
• Sexual Abuse: forcing a partner to have sex without their consent. Making them perform sexually in a way that the partner doesn’t want to, either with the abuser or others. It is not uncommon for abusers to rape their partner after a physical beating or emotional abuse.
  
• Emotional Abuse: undermining their partner’s self-worth, including name-calling, threats, belittling, criticizing in front of others, and blaming, particularly blaming the intimate partner of having an affair when that is not the case.
  
• Coercive Control: jealousy, possessiveness and rule-making. Can include preventing the intimate partner from sleeping, as well as threats to harm the children, other family members or pets.
  
• Isolation: restricting a partner’s access to family members or friends, financial data, medication, even food.
  

Abusers do whatever they think is necessary to gain and maintain control over their partner. Physical abuse is often not necessary when other means, such as threats, work just as well. So, the intimate partner of an abusive person doesn’t need to have visible bruises or injuries to be in grave danger.

Blaming

Our inclination is to place the burden on the victim and to question why she doesn’t leave. But it is not always easy to leave an abusive relationship—or any relationship, for that matter. How many of us have stayed too long in a bad relationship? When you build a home, a life, a family, it can be hard to break away. There are emotional and financial reasons for staying. But clearly the most compelling reason to stay, when one’s partner is violent or controlling, is that 75 percent of women killed or severely assaulted by their partners were in the act of leaving that relationship when the assault occurred.

What is very evident here is that the burden and the blame need to be placed on the abuser. Domestic violence is purposeful and calculated. The non-violent partner is not at fault.

Domestic violence is pervasive. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. But domestic violence does not just impact women. It affects children, family members, friends and innocent bystanders. Domestic violence knows no human bounds. It does not discriminate by race, age, gender, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic status, nationality or culture. It can happen to anyone, anywhere. It happened here.

What Can We Do?

Let’s not say that this was a lover’s “quarrel” or a domestic “dispute.” Let’s not say that this is a private matter; George Zinkhan made this very public and very personal. He shattered our community’s sense of peace. He exposed an ugly reality that we didn’t want to believe could exist here in our beloved town. Let’s not relegate this tragedy to random violence or yesterday’s news.

Instead, let’s educate ourselves about intimate partner violence and take a stand that it will not be tolerated. Once we recognize the warning signs of a controlling relationship, let’s help our loved ones and friends and coworkers know that they have options. And because we have all been reminded that our life here is precious and fragile, hold your loved ones close.

I didn’t know George Zinkhan. Then again, maybe I did.

Nancy Hunter

Nancy Hunter is the President of SafeSolutions, Inc. and manager of the Georgia Domestic Violence Benchbook, a free, comprehensive resource on all aspects of domestic violence in Georgia.

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Local Domestic Violence Resources:

• 911

• Project Safe: 706-543-3331

•  Statewide 24-hour hotline: 1-800-33-HAVEN (334-2836)

• Georgia Legal Services Program’s Athens office: 706-227-5362

• The Cottage (for incidents of sexual abuse and children witnessing violence): 706-353-1912

• UGA Office for Violence Prevention: 706-542-7233

• UGA Police: 706-542-2200

• Georgia Domestic Violence Benchbook: www.uga.edu/icje/DVBenchbook.html. For specific information on abuser traits and indicators of lethality, read Appendices A and B.