Pet Peeves

originally published May 2, 2007

I consider myself an extremely fortunate human being, because things that annoy me are so relatively minor in the great scheme of things. Nevertheless, it is my sworn duty as a newspaper columnist to share with you from time to time some of the things that bug me and to invite you to share with me some of the things that bug you. Here are a few of mine. Send me some of yours.

Asleep At The Wheel

You're sitting in a line of traffic, and of course you're in a hurry or you wouldn't be driving, would you? Way up ahead you see the red light change to green. Nothing happens. Finally, the line starts moving in time for about three cars to make it through before the light changes to red again. Then you sit there and repeat the whole cycle until finally you are one of the three cars.

What I want to know is why it takes so long for people to drive forward. They are sitting there, for the most part, in cars with big V-8 or V-6 engines that will go from 0 to 60 in 10 or 12 seconds, yet it takes an eternity for them to move 60 feet. What is going on up there? Are they asleep? Are they absorbed in their cell phone babbles? Are they changing their CD? I cannot figure it out. There should be time for 15 cars to spurt forward through the intersection; their drivers should be in a hurry to step on it. God knows once they do start moving, they floorboard it. What's the hold-up at these intersections?

Spit On The Floor

I do not understand spitting. How can any adult over the age of two spit onto a public sidewalk or anywhere, for that matter? I know that baseball players have popularized spitting. At least they are spitting onto grass, but they're doing in on television, and I still don't understand why they are doing it. In the old days they spat because they were chewing tobacco. They're not chewing now, are they? I know some of them chew sunflower seeds in the dugout, and of course you have to spit out the hulls, but that's different. What I don't understand is spitting spit. When I was growing up, there were signs in places like the court house, with its oiled wooden floors, saying "Do Not Spit On Floor." I remember as a child wondering who in the world would spit on the floor of the courthouse, especially since there were spittoons for the country people who chewed tobacco and dipped snuff. Why do baseball players spit? Does it have something to do with steroids? Because of baseball players, people now even spit out of their car windows. I was sitting behind a couple in a nice, late-model Ford Mustang waiting for the Alps Road light to change. They were enjoying each other, laughing and talking and not worrying about the light. He suddenly lunged to his left and expelled a stream of spittle out the window. Then he turned back to her and they continued their banter. She did not appear as astounded at his gross display as I was. Perhaps she's a baseball fan. I suppose I have as much saliva in my mouth as the next guy, but I keep it there, even when I'm watching baseball.

Distressed In My Jeans

Another thing I don't understand is "broken-in," pre-washed and otherwise distressed new clothing. When my shirts become faded and begin to unravel, I am ashamed to wear them to work, no matter how comfortable they are. The same with my jeans. In fact, my jeans have reached the point where I need a new pair, but most of what I find in the catalogs looks just like my old pair. In fact, that's why my old pair look so old now, because they started off faded. I understand that it's not cool to wear something new, unless it's something new that looks old, but I want something new that looks new or that at least doesn't look worn out. I appreciate the comfort factor of slipping on new jeans that feel like old jeans, but there's also a pleasure in new jeans, even when they're a little bit stiff. And as they age and relax, there's comfort in knowing that's happening because I have worn them and broken them in and not some mechanical washboard. Note: I've got no complaint with how comfortable most new shoes are, and they don't have tacks anymore to stick your foot. My Uncle Owen used to say that you could get used to anything except a tack in your shoe. He would be surprised to know that now we can get used to anything.

And Finally, Congratulations!

Congrats to Beechwood Cinema for showing The Lives of Others, the German movie that won the Oscar this year for Best Foreign Film. It leaves Thursday, May 3, but it is a truly superb film about intertwined lives in Communist East Germany during the '80s. Drop everything, and see it for sure!

Pete McCommons, Editor & Publisher

editor@flagpole.com