New Year's Resolutions

originally published December 27, 2006

We're all so busy, especially public figures, that I decided I wouldn't bother everybody by asking them the traditional year-end/ year-beginning question about New Year's resolutions. In the interest of time - theirs and mine - I'm just going to report what I think the New Year's resolutions of this year's candidates would be. After all, I've been talking to these folks and writing about them all year. I should have some inkling about what they're hoping to do in the new one.

So, here's the question: What are your resolutions for the new year?

And here are the answers:

Mayor Heidi Davison

I have formed a study committee to consider my resolutions. It is an inclusive and diverse group of citizens, and I appreciate their willingness to serve. I assure you that this group is not comprised of just a narrow group of special interests, and I'm sure they'll come back with an agenda that reflects the desires and needs of the whole community - not just the Cobbham elite.

Charlie Maddox

I will provide leadership for a change, because I have a vision, and leadership means leading. Some of my critics have said I'm weak on issues. Well, let me assure you that in the new year I am going to get specific about resolutions. They said I was vague on transportation, so read this: I am going to push for 23!S percent more ridership on the #25 bus, and I'm going to push for extending #25's route by 10.3 miles and change its oil every 2565.6 miles or every 30.2 days, whichever comes first, using Castrol 20-weight high-detergent motor oil and a Fram HD super-absorbent filter held in place by tungsten butterfly clips. And don't let me ever hear anybody say again that Charlie Maddox isn't specific on the issues.

Tom Chasteen

My New Year's resolution is to look at all sides of an issue, just like I've been doing for the past 15 years on the Commission, because I learned a long time ago that you can't please all of the people all of the time, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, even if it turns out that most of the people vote for somebody else most of the time.

Richard DeRose

To keep on trying to wake up this community to the dangers of biocontainment, because it will be too late when the nerve gas starts drifting through Five Points like those big yellow Lubberly locusts that were released from a UGA genetics lab in an earlier experiment that went wrong.

Andy Rusk

I'll tell you one thing: you can count on the fact that I'll have some no-bullshit resolutions that take into account the younger generation of townies who are tired of the same old boring resolutions that keep them from drinking and smoking and living how and where they want. And, remember: Heidi owes me.

Alvin Sheats

As the lead candidate and the best knife in the drawer, I resolve to feel the dynamis and push for a tree ordinance that protects the tree of liberty. Don't forget: Alvin Sheats. I'll be back. Thank you.

Kelly Girtz

That's a very good question. I'm glad you asked it. I'm a school teacher, and that means I know so much that I don't think you want to hear all my resolutions, because I've got them all written down in this thick notebook, and I'll start reading them to you right now if you want… I didn't think so.

Ed Vaughan

I resolve not to run for the Commission anymore. I was the only trained, experienced city planner in the race, but who cared? They say making legislation is like making sausage. Well, I'm a butcher, too, and I know sausage, but who cared?

Chuck Jones

I resolve to finish the next race I run, or, if I don't, to announce that I'm quitting. No more disappearing acts.

James Garland

I do not make New Year's resolutions, because resolutions are too much like laws, and we already have too many laws limiting what we can do with our private property and limiting private enterprise. I say, laissez faire and move to Winterville to escape the entangling ordinances of Athens-Clarke County.

Doug Lowry

I am not James Garland. During the campaign, people tended to get us confused, but as I pointed out, he's a Libertarian Republican, and I'm not. I do make resolutions and my resolution is to keep on doing what I've been doing for the last four years, and that's attend every damn public meeting that comes along, except that now I'll be behind the rail. Hah!

editor@flagpole.com