2007: The Year in Review
...in Flagpole's News (& Etc.) Pages
originally published December 26, 2007
January
Ben Emanuel
Them pressure-washin' days is sure over... (photo from May, 2007)
In one way, the year started as somberly as it could: the photo in City Pages (Vol. 21, No. 1) showed the Women in Black and friends out at the Arch on the evening of the second day of the new year. They were making special note that night that the U.S. military death toll in Iraq had surpassed 3,000.
On the Letters page, though, the year started with indignation: "Okay, now I'm fucking pissed," bagpiper Geoff Terry opened his letter about a confrontation (which happened the previous fall, actually) with some downtown street preachers. Hopefully, Geoff got through '07 without any more scuffles.
In politics in that first issue of the new year, there were two items of particular note. First, Flagpole's man at the state capitol, Tom Crawford, put together the first in a group of remarkable forward-looking columns (as shall be seen), this one an interview with then-new Lieutenant Governor Casey Cagle, who showed himself to be a refreshingly rational-thinking politician as compared to some of the other folks at the Capitol. Sure enough, this year's legislative session turned out to be a three-ring circus, but Cagle kept his cool and spun out of the session looking better than either Governor Perdue or house Speaker Glenn Richardson.
Second, in local politics, brand-new commissioners Kelly Girtz and Doug Lowry both declared that their swearing-in wouldn't signal the start of a socialist revolution in Athens-Clarke County. All signs indicate that the newbies were telling the truth (though the jury's still out), but the real fun came when the Letters page turned into a debate-ground over the real definition of what socialism is. Who knew?
Also in January, Jimmy Carter came to town. By all accounts, he and all the dignitaries enjoyed themselves well enough. The latter part of the month also saw the year's first in a series of public hearings in Athens on the statewide water plan; in looking ahead to it, City Pages discussed seemingly far-flung, post-apocalyptic water shortage scenarios. They haven't come true... yet. And Tom Crawford caught state Representative Ben Harbin of Evans trying to say that the legislative session would be a quiet one. It wasn't, of course, and least of all for Harbin, who earned himself a DUI charge not far from the Capitol later in the year.
In local tussles that month, ACC Commissioners got their first close-up look at a park-and-ride lot that few of them liked: it would have been a commuter lot for the University, they said. (Months later, Carl Jordan and others successfully lobbied to relocate it to Oak Street at the loop, instead of College Station Road.) And downtown bar owner Mark Bell tried to go to court to prove that his three-walled patio at 8e's is clear for smoking, but the ticket was thrown out. The issue seems to have died then and there.
Before the month was out, an effort - eventually successful - to block the demolition of the ACTION, Inc. building began. Meanwhile, quick action from Boulevardiers and friends stopped the school district from taking down the two old Deodar cedars in front of Chase Street Elementary School.
A proposal for a new Target store on Lexington Road showed up, but disappeared a few months later, to the great relief of most of the would-be Targeted neighbors. Downtown, construction did get underway on the huge residence-and-retail building along Willow Street at East Broad, which has gone up so fast it almost looked to beat the slowpoke building scene at Georgia Traditions, just up the hill on Broad. (Late in the year, Georgia Traditions finally started showing units to prospective buyers.)
February
February started with Athens' own Jane Kidd as the new chief of the Democratic Party of Georgia. Then, toward the middle of the month, Congressman Charlie Norwood passed away after a long illness, leading to the first of many Pub Notes columns (Feb. 14) speculating that former Mayor Doc Eldridge might want to replace him. (A week later, the column included Doc himself, having breakfast at Mama's Boy in what would become a tradition for several weeks' worth of Flagpoles.) In the same issue, City Pages detailed the enigmatic resignation of States McCarter from his District 8 seat on the ACC Commission, sending Eastsiders David Hamilton and Andy Herod into a sprint toward a Mar. 20 special election.
Thus read the "colorbearer" on the cover of the Feb. 21 issue of this paper: "Colorbearer of Athens Perpetual Politics." In that issue, Tom Crawford prophetically wrote that "[t]he horseshoe nail that threatens to upend the General Assembly is... PeachCare." In the end, it pretty much did.
Also of note: Feb. 17 marked the four-year anniversary of Athens' Women in Black holding their weekly vigil at the Arch, and they held a special vigil to mark the occasion.
On the Letters page, Richard Boyd wrote in to thank chef Lamar Thomas for dutifully cleaning the sidewalk in front of East-West Bistro; Lamar later wrote in to make clear that he was using biodegradable soap to do the job. (It seems safe to assume that all became a moot point once the water shortage hit later in the year. )
March
The first week in March saw Oconee County Commissioners approve, barely, a controversial plan to partner with Walton County on a new drinking water reservoir on Hard Labor Creek. Later in the month, Partners for a Prosperous Athens held its last large-scale community meeting. The task force soon changed its name to OneAthens, and its various projects have continued on in smaller committees.
Unknowingly prophetic, and still ruing the fact that Doc wouldn't be running for Congress, the Mar. 21 Pub Notes closed with this question: "The Republican leaders have put all their eggs into [Jim] Whitehead's basket, but who knows what that slam dunk will hatch before this omelet gets made?" How right Pete was!
The same issue carried a letter pushing algae as the best way to manufacture biofuels. Not only did the algae craze fail to catch on, but the biofuel craze in general died down considerably as the year wore on.
Much to their chagrin, ACC Commissioners learned at their March work session that some of the government's senior staff had put together an overhaul of the local alcohol ordinances that - though needed - went farther in its reach than a lot of the commissioners would have really liked. Some commissioners applied the brakes that night, but the cat got out of the bag, and it was several months and many, many meetings (over beers and otherwise) before the issue was resolved. Beer drinkers, meanwhile, were consoled by the news that Terrapin had finally scored a deal on a space in which to build a brewery in Athens, helping the company along the path to a long-awaited end to its contract brewing in Maryland. Other good news that month was that Hands On Northeast Georgia - the new clearinghouse for locals wanting to volunteer for the community, and for organizations in need of them - was up and running.
April
The first City Pages in April detailed the ACC government's ongoing efforts at energy conservation, fuel use reduction, biofuels and the like. Little did Athens know then that it would be water conservation, not energy conservation, that would become the hallmark of civic life in 2007.
Bad news came in the springtime for bar and restaurant owners, when the fire department started changing occupancy limits for some public places in town. Fire Marshal Kyle Hendrix worked closely with affected businesses, though, and a wave of closings once predicted fortunately never came to fruition. (Bombay Café on Broad Street downtown did close around that time of year, but its owners couldn't be contacted about the reasons why.)
There was squabbling in Atlanta about siting a new medical college here in Athens after all, but by May, the redevelopment plans for the Navy School were about sewn up. Meanwhile, that whole Athens versus Augusta dynamic turned into a big campaign issue for the folks vying to take Charlie Norwood's place in Congress. Augustan Jim Whitehead couldn't quit catching flak for his years-old comment about bombing UGA were it not for the football team.
In April came the news that ACC Commission meetings would be streamed online, and Barack Obama came to Atlanta for a campaign event. That prompted Tom Crawford to ask in a headline, "Does Georgia Matter?" Well, for the rest of the year it was pretty quiet in Georgia as far as the presidential campaigns go, but it remains to be seen what that means for '08.
Before the month was out, all UGA buses were burning B20 biodiesel, and Crawford was complimenting state Senator Jeff Chapman (R-Brunswick) for his courage in working to save the south end of Jekyll Island at the General Assembly. It was good of Tom to do so, but as the rest of the year showed, that battle wasn't quite over yet. In fact, as of this writing in December, it still isn't.
May
While Athens geared up for another Twilight Criterium, local computer science professor Dan Everett was hard at work on an opinion piece outlining the progressive agenda for the 2007 Farm Bill (thanks again to the folks at the Daily Co-op). Dan outlined a lot of good ideas in that column; who knows how many of them may or may not have made it in. As of this writing, the Farm Bill is still bogged down in the U.S. Senate.
At their May meeting, ACC Commissioners finally found a home for the new park-and-ride lot, at the end of Oconee/ Oak Street by the 10 Loop. At the other end of Oconee Street, they denied a controversial zoning request from the Boys & Girls Club of Athens. Commissioners also instituted "even-odd" outdoor watering restrictions for alternate days of the week, just as state officials declared a "Level Two" drought.
Meanwhile, just when everybody thought state legislative politics couldn't get any goofier, Gov. Perdue went and un-vetoed the state budget. You may have tried to forget it ever happened, but it did: he rescinded his veto and then signed the budget that he wanted. At least a budget was approved in the end.
Back here in Athens, May brought the news that Doc Eldridge would be the new president of the Athens Area Chamber of Commerce. That's right, all those breakfasts at Mama's Boy, and no campaign for Congress. Maybe next time around.
Smoke from huge South Georgia wildfires drifted into Athens in May, and the scientists at the Savannah River Ecology Lab stared down the barrel of official federal dislike for their work in the form of funding cuts - but a shrunken version of the lab is holding on.
June
Ben Emanuel
Oh, Jim Whitehead: the candidate who is all but a memory now. It was a fun summer, and that special election was indeed special, wasn't it?
June 6 was the date of the Athens Press Club debate featuring all of the candidates for the 10th Congressional District seat except for former state Senator Jim Whitehead. (In retrospect, he wasn't such a missing piece, since he didn't win the election.) June 6 was also the publication date of the Flagpole in whose Letters page the "robot wars" began, as readers went back and forth for weeks about the merits and pitfalls of developing robotic technology. There's nothing like a well-informed populace.
At City Hall, Carl Jordan voted against the annual county budget (States McCarter had cast that lone vote the year before). Athens Transit got on the bandwagon with B20 biodiesel in the gas tank. Commissioners got a look at a new study saying there's "no true shortage" of parking spaces downtown, but planning for a SPLOST-funded new parking deck steamed ahead anyway, with possible designs showing up in November. News came that the Sexual Assault Center of Northeast Georgia was closing; others in the community rallied to try and save it.
The figures came out that with the drought getting steadily worse, the Middle Oconee River in Athens had recorded its lowest average May streamflow on record. "If below average rainfall continues through the summer and fall, new record low flows are likely to occur in Georgia's rivers," the United States Geological Survey predicted. Because of the drought, Athens went to weekend-only watering. (Brown water problems didn't show up immediately.)
Pub Notes, June 20: "I think I can confidently write this far before the polls close that Dr. Broun will not be in a runoff...." As it turned out, Broun edged out Democrat James Marlowe for a runoff with Whitehead. So much for confidence.
Flagpole's cover, June 27: "Colorbearer of Athens and the Governor Praying for Rain." Little did anyone know how much praying there would be...
July
Saying "Don't knock it if you haven't tried it," Pete urged liberal readers of his column to vote for a conservative Republican in Dr. Paul Broun. (The next week, it was "...I will state that he cannot win so maybe he will.") And sure enough, with a strong hometown vote and some hard work in the mountain counties, Broun pulled off a big upset.
Within days of that surprise, the summer's biggest news hit: Athens made the short list for a new federal installation to be known as NBAF - the National Bio and Agro-Defense Facility. Public meetings and hearings didn't get cranked up until autumn, but public consternation was immediate.
At their July work session, the Mayor and Commission took a look at instituting impact fees, which are a way to make developers help pay for infrastructure upgrades by the local government. What ever happened to that idea?
Outdoor watering was still allowed back in July - on weekends only - and that was the time period in which ACC officials were flooded with complaints about tap water turning brown on weekends. (High demand was dislodging chemicals from the insides of water pipes.) In August, they agreed upon a new scheme to distribute outdoor watering days evenly throughout the week.
August
It was in late summer that talk about Georgia House Speaker Glenn Richardson's radical tax plan started to heat up. Richardson's plan would eliminate property taxes (and local control over, well, everything) and use state taxes to generate revenue. Back then, Richardson was adamant about the correctness and purity of his proposal; he has since backed down in part from that stance, but there's no question that his GREAT plan, as it's known, will help make for another interesting legislative session. (The statewide water plan will do its part in that regard, too.)
The start of a new school year saw a big push from staff, grad students and professors at UGA for the school to widen childcare options; President Adams' showing up to personally receive their recommendations was a sign that there might be some movement on the issue. Not much more is known, as of this writing.
One hot day in late August, the North Oconee River was in such bad shape that a relatively small fish kill occurred, right here in Athens. A combination of low river flows, hot weather and wastewater effluent was likely at fault, although the official word from state officials, months later, declined to place blame on Athens' North Oconee river wastewater treatment plant.
Toward the end of the month, political newcomer and Iraq War veteran Bobby Saxon announced from his home in Nicholson that he'll seek the Democratic nomination in the 10th Congressional District in 2008. As the year drew to a close, he still seemed to be the only Democrat seriously interested in the race.
September
Six months after receiving a set of alcohol-ordinance revisions from county staff, ACC Commissioners finally voted on them. It was a painful, tedious, confusing process - and it drew downtown bar owners out to City Hall several times, worried about a total crackdown - but in the end, it worked out well enough for the parties involved. Commissioner Elton Dodson complained pointedly, though, that the Commission had lost a lot of good time that could have been used proactively on other issues. Such are the vicissitudes of local politics.
The 24/7 outdoor watering ban took effect in mid-September, despite vehement protest from local landscapers and garden-nursery owners who attended the City Hall meeting at which the ban was approved. It was several weeks before locally-owned Eastside nursery CharMar announced that it would be closing permanently, its hand forced by the watering ban, owner Chris Butts said. How long the outdoor watering ban will last is, of course, anybody's guess.
Sept. 20 was the date of the big public "scoping" meeting on the NBAF proposal (it is still unclear who scoped whom that night). Public comments ran the full spectrum, and the meeting ran late into the night; since then, things have been quiet on the NBAF front.
October
Ben Emanuel
The Middle Oconee River just about went dry at the height of the water shortage.
On Oct. 4, the Middle Oconee River - Athens' main water source, especially since the August fish kill on the North Oconee - hit an all-time record low flow of 1.4 cubic feet per second. That was an extreme instance, but river flows have remained low all autumn. Despite those low flows, an emergency waiver from the Georgia Environmental Protection Division has allowed Athens and the authority that runs the Bear Creek Reservoir to continue withdrawing from the river. There were other low points, literally, in October, but the Oct. 4 measurement was the very worst of it.
A few weeks later, it was the big Oct. 25 work session that saw the unveiling of the plan for "Step F" of the local "Drought/ Water Shortage Management Plan." Step F was eventually adopted in early December with little changed from its original form.
November
Flagpole got a makeover starting with its Nov. 7 (20th anniversary) edition, and City Dope re-emerged after a hiatus of a few years. On the "back page" that week, local artist/ writer Greg Benson jokingly guessed ahead to 2008 and a look at law and order in an era of more severe water restrictions. None of that stuff has come to be fact, but then again, there's a lot of 2008 still ahead of us.
On top of the drought, 2007 just wouldn't let our local leaders off easy. Tricky issues for the ACC Commission this fall included the overcrowded jail, the rapidly-filling landfill (it will likely be expanded; look for a vote in 2008), and the plans for a new downtown parking deck (the Mayor and Commission didn't particularly like what they saw). They also passed a ban on dog tethers after hearing, apparently, from a high number of citizens about the issue. The loudest citizen voices may have been on the issue of neighborhood noise from home construction, an issue that once this year was dead but has been resurrected. A long-awaited proposal to close a perceived loophole in the local mass-grading prohibition was also resuscitated; look for more action on that in '08, too. And Commissioner David Lynn's proposal to allow case-by-case exemptions to the rules keeping restaurant alcohol sales at a distance from schools and churches was finally approved in November.
The good news? Athens-Clarke handily met Gov. Perdue's 10-percent water-withdrawal reduction mandate (while other communities, especially in Atlanta, struggled with it), and has become a model city for Georgia water shortage policy.
December
A stormy 2007 had a silver lining for the Sexual Assault Center of Northeast Georgia (see June above); a new board of directors hired a new executive director who started full-time at the beginning of the month. In other local news, GPS systems on Athens Transit buses and new signage at the Multi-Modal Transportation Center (plus high-tech help on Google Transit) were getting their kinks worked out, and might be ready for the public some time in January.
Tom Crawford pointed out in Flagpole's first issue of the last month of the year that U.S. Senator Saxby Chambliss, no matter how much he screws up, will have a cakewalk to reelection in 2008. Georgia Democrats have appeared incapable of fielding a challenger with any promise. Tom did pretty well with political predictions in '07. Will he be proved right this election year? Probably so, and it will be worth keeping an eye out: there will be much more than just Saxby's Senate seat on the line.
2008: The Year In Preview
Flagpole Angles For a Scoop
originally published December 26, 2007
January
In a historic compromise, the Mayor and Commission three-lane Prince Avenue from Milledge Avenue to Pulaski Street, while allowing developers to use TDRs to build in the extra street space opened up by reducing the traffic footprint. All sides seem satisfied with the outcome except drivers coming off the Jackson County four-lane at 70 miles per hour on their way to The Grit. Developers, who generally oppose any progressive action as bad for business, are intrigued with the idea of such a novel use of Transferable Development Rights, especially since nobody really understands what they are. Several developers have already come forward with plans for coffee kiosks along both sides of Prince Avenue, and at press time an Atlanta developer has proposed a series of tall but narrow condos for the remaining space along the curbs.
February
In a surprise announcement, 10th District Republican Congressman Paul Broun says he will seek the U.S. Senate seat presently held by fellow Republican Saxby Chambliss. Broun came out of nowhere to win the 2007 special election to fill the seat of Congressman Charlie Norwood, who died in office. Seasoned political observers say Broun has no more chance than a Democratic snowball in Republican hell, but Broun is optimistic. “You know,” he opines, “I just get out there and put up my signs and get in the road and go see folks the old-fashioned way. Saxby’s just going to fly everywhere and make appearances. Even though he’s got 10 times more money, I believe my approach will work again.” Seasoned political cynics say Broun’s decision was hastened by the fact that even though he is the incumbent Republican Congressman, the fat cats in Atlanta and the Republican Mafia in Augusta have ganged up to run one of their insiders against him. They have made it clear that it’s not enough to have a Republican in the 10th District seat; they want a Republican they can control.
March
Alarmed that he might start reading to them from his thick teacher’s notebook, the ACC Commission gives in to Commissioner Kelly Girtz’s push for a traffic roundabout at the intersection of Barnett Shoals Road and Old Lexington Road. Although Commissioner Elton Dodson questions whether Athenians are smart enough to understand a roundabout, the new traffic calming system proves wildly popular - too popular, actually. People are enjoying the new roundabout so much that they want to keep going round and round. Instead of using it to get through the intersection, drivers just keep going around until they get dizzy, and then they veer off, sometimes back in the direction from which they came. Police have stopped any number of smiling, weaving drivers only to find them stone sober. City Transportation Director David Clark comments that “this thing has certainly worked to calm traffic. In fact, it has pretty much halted any forward motion.” Commissioner Dodson drove out to try the new roundabout last week and hasn’t been heard from since.
April
Constant grumbling by downtown merchants that Twilight Criterium bike-race events every spring cut into Friday and Saturday sales by blocking off streets and bringing crowds downtown has forced race promoters to re-think the whole concept. “I’m just tired of fighting with these guys,” Twilight founder Gene Dixon says. “If they can’t see that bringing people downtown is good for business, then we’re just going to have to do it another way.” Dixon is announcing the inauguration of the ’Forelight Criterium. “We’ll start at 3 a.m.,” he says. “We won’t bother the merchants, and it’ll be after the bars close. People can either continue to party, or they can begin to sober up. Whatever. We’ll time the start of the big race so that it ends just at sunrise. We’ll award the trophies, and then everybody can go eat breakfast.” Dixon says this year the pace car will be a street-sweeper.
In state news, the Georgia Association of Educators names Gov. Sonny Perdue Education Governor of the Year. Although the designation comes as a surprise to those worried about Georgia’s bottom-of-the-barrel SAT scores and Perdue’s slashing of school funding, the educators reason that Perdue has put Georgia schools in the enviable position of having nowhere to go but up. “It’s really like whatever we do, we can’t make it any worse,” says GAE spokesperson Carlton Chalk. “That takes a lot of pressure off educators and leaves us more time and attention to worry about how to pay for math books.”
May
Despite recent technical problems with Athens-Clarke County Mayor and Commission meetings online, the government plans to push ahead with its program to make the meetings available through all possible media. First, the meetings were cablecast on the Charter system, a service Charter was forced to provide as a condition for being awarded the monopoly contract for cable service in Athens. Then, the enterprising techies in City Hall put the meetings online, with selective searching so that you only have to watch the good parts. Now the city plans to beam the programs to your cellphone, so that you can watch while you wait for a table at DePalma’s. After that?
“Well, it’s sort of a secret,” says ACC Public Relations honcho Jeff Montgomery, “but I can tell you this much. Think traveling road show.” That’s right: off the record, Montgomery tells Flagpole that by this fall, the Mayor and Commission will take their show to the people. They have scheduled a series of meetings at spots around town. In September, they’ll open for the Truckers at the 40 Watt Club, and in October, they’ll provide backup chorus for Down With The Woo at the Georgia Theatre. They’re still trying to negotiate a gig in November at Tasty World, possibly with some surprise guests, and it is now definite that the next Mayor and Commission retreat will be at Orange Twin. Anything else? Montgomery says this Mayor and Commission are really serious about informing citizens. “If you don’t have TV or the Internet or WiFi and can’t get out to the clubs for the meetings,” Montgomery says, “Heidi will call you up and tell you what happened.”
June
Continuing its slow encroachment into downtown (the business services building, the Michael Brothers Building, the Broad Street studios, the Institute of Gerontology), the University of Georgia has announced that it is moving its food services downtown. “What better place for our food services than where people go to eat?” UGA Vice-President for Communications Tom Jackson says. “Besides, President Adams wants to use Snelling as his South Campus office complex.” Jackson reveals that “Dawg Fude,” a multi-level food court, will be housed on the first two floors of University Towers on Broad Street and will offer a wide variety of institutional food sweetened with real sugar and fried in real lard. “Students have distinct tastes,” Jackson says, and we think the average Athenian will enjoy this stuff, too.“ Jackson says the University food court will have an Italian section, an Indian section, a meat-and-three section and a soul food section. ”We want to make it possible for diners to replicate the Athens culinary experience in one convenient location,“ Jackson says, adding, ”Of course, we’ll have sidewalk seating, too.“ Asked if the Dawg Fude complex will serve alcohol, Jackson says, ”Of course. We don’t want our students drinking on campus, now do we?“
News of the Dawg Fude plans is music to the ears of local rental magnate Dr. Fred Moorman, who has announced that he has entered into agreements to buy the rest of downtown not already owned by the University or himself. Moorman says he plans to turn all of downtown into one vast warren of student condos, and ”they’ll need a place to eat.“ He plans to call the area Fred’s Downtown.
July
After years of wrangling between Athens’ sheriff and county commission over whether or not a new jail is needed, county officials have come up with a plan. The sheriff has always maintained that the potential for incarceration as a local growth industry is hampered by the lack of infrastructure, i.e. a new jail. Commissioners, on the other hand, point to the multi-million dollar cost of a new facility. Now, Commissioner Carl Jordan has come up with a proposal so simple, yet so clearly the answer to the problem, that it is as if a (non-glare) bulb has lit up in the minds of the other commissioners. Jordan is proposing to privatize the jail, but not in the usual sense of turning it over to private business to run. Under Jordan’s proposal, prisoners will be housed in private homes, and the present jail facility will be recycled as a halfway house and lounge, to re-acclimate recently released prisoners to the lifestyle of hanging out in honky-tonks. Some critics question whether private homes can provide the amenities prisoners will demand if the Democrats are returned to power in Washington, but Jordan thinks his plan will work. ”This is a win-win situation,“ he says, ”and, personally, it is gratifying to me finally to come up with an idea acceptable to my fellow commissioners after all these years of being on the short end of those 9-1 votes.“ Jordan goes on to point out that the county saves money by not having to build the jail, people in the community get to earn extra money by keeping prisoners, and the prisoners are much less likely to cause trouble, since they are not all in one big group where discontent feeds on itself. ”We’ll have to amend the two-person limit on unrelated people in a household,“ Jordan concedes, ”or we could just designate them as cousins, the way the students do.“
August
Perhaps emboldened by the reception to Commissioner Jordan’s July jail proposal, Commissioner Kathy Hoard has applied the same principle as a solution to the problem of the rapidly obsolescing landfill. She has proposed paying local residents to store trash at their homes. ”I want to be guided, as always, by what our staff think about this proposal,“ Hoard says, ”and we are really fortunate to have such competent staff, who are always willing to stop whatever work they are doing to respond to my requests for guidance from them. Why, just the other day I couldn’t decide whether to wear my brown pantsuit or my orange jumper, so I called Bobby Snipes, and he asked the girls in the Manager’s office, and they all recommended the jumper. But anyway, why should we spend all that money to expand the landfill and encroach farther on the Dunlap Road community, when a much less expensive alternative would benefit those of our citizens wanting to earn some extra money?“ Hoard points out that her proposal would spread the wealth along with the trash, and that ”really, many of our citizens wouldn’t even notice some more trash around the house.“
September
Terrapin Beer’s new brewery has hit another snag in addition to the interminable wait for a state brewing license. The wildly popular, hoppy brew has been made in Maryland ever since the company was formed as an Athens corporation, but always with the aim of building here and brewing locally. Now that the dream approaches fruition, a vital ingredient is missing: water. ”We have been looking forward all these years to brewing Terrapin with Athens water,“ a Terrapin spokeswoman says. ”Now, there is none.“ Terrapin has always been an innovative company, however, and its brewmaster has apparently come up with a solution to this new problem. It seems the company will buy Bud Light in quantity and extract the water from that beer. ”This will actually work very well,“ the spokeswoman says, ”since Bud Light is so close to water, anyway.“
The drought worsens, and the Mayor and Commission, in spite of their earlier belief that it would not be necessary, are forced to move to the final resort in their drought-management plan: Step F, which turns out actually to be Step F-U.
”We’re getting out of the water business,“ Mayor Heidi Davison says. ”We’ve done the best we can, but when you run out of water, what’s the use of a water department? Water as a public utility is an old-fashioned concept that grew up back when we had an actual rainfall and rivers with water in them. The Commission and I agree that hauling water is an activity better suited for the private sector.“ Redneck GReece, AKA Greg Reece, DBA The Waterman, agrees: ”Amen! Thank you, Lord,“ he is heard to mutter.
October
The ACC Mayor and Commission vote to move ahead with the new downtown parking deck. ”We’ve got to provide some place for the customers of downtown businesses to park,“ Mayor Davison says. ”The streets are already taken up by their employees.“ Critics of the garage point out that its construction will encourage more automobiles downtown. ”How else are people going to get here?“ asks a merchant who wishes to remain anonymous. ”Walk, bike, ride the bus? What, are you crazy?“
A new controversy has broken out between those who want to use the Middle Oconee riverbed for motorcycle racing and those who want to protect the riverbed in case the water ever returns. ”It may not look much like a river now,“ says a press release from the Upper Oconee Watershed Network, ”but it’s going to if the rains ever come back.“
Jack Hogg, recording secretary for a local bikers’ club says,”We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now it’s nature’s way of telling us that the internal combustion engine belongs anywhere it can go.“
November
Former Athenian 12th District Congressman John Barrow is in town to speak at an Ex-Liberal meeting this week. Barrow is a favorite at such gatherings, where he is exhibited as living proof that it is possible to change political philosophies, even though some scoff at the notion that such change is real. Barrow, as an ACC Commissioner here, was an unabashed liberal, but since he was elected to Congress and moved to Savannah after being redistricted out of Athens, he has talked and voted like a Republican. Many of his liberal friends feel betrayed, while Republicans don’t believe he has really changed and keep on running candidates against him. Barrow concedes that the most difficult parts of reorienting himself are the internal control it demands, and learning to ignore his own bleeding heart.
December
In state news, Governor Sonny Perdue praises Georgia for its ”contrarian“ position on public issues and asks the Georgia General Assembly to change our nickname from ”The Peach State“ to ”The Contrarian State.“ Perdue points out that the peach crop has declined since the drought, and that what Georgia is most widely known for is being different from the rest of the country. ”They’re against the war; we’re for it,“ Perdue says. ”They’re for kids scoring high on the SAT; we’re for them scoring low. They’re against global warming; we say it don’t exist.
They’re for making it easy for folks to vote; we’re for making it hard. They’re for sustainable growth; we’re for pavement.“ Perdue says that if the legislature, in spite of being controlled by his arch nemesis, goes along with the new nickname, he’ll introduce further legislation requiring the state to take the opposite of any position favored in the rest of the country. ”Our contrarianism has been hard won,“ he says, ”but it could be squandered in a heartbeat if we began looking at the world like reasonable people.“
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