originally published April 23, 2008

I wanted to offer some advice to the guy who is disappointed with the Athens dating scene. You can't find real love at a bar, if what you're looking for is a real long-term commitment you're going about it all wrong by getting drunk and reveling. It isn't hard to get someone to have sex with you. You just have to find someone that you want to spend time with and put in the hard work... Right?

That's my two cents.

Hey there, Two Cents. I have some issues with your answer, actually. Who said anything about getting drunk? Why is the assumption about “meeting somebody at a bar” always that you’re getting sloppy and hooking up? I mean sure, lots of people are doing that, but not everybody in a bar is automatically drunk or automatically looking for somebody to hook up with, and therefore they should not be automatically relegated to the “not for the long term” category. There are at least two things about this common myth that so many of the letter writing public seem to miss: plenty of people have met their future wives/husbands/life partners in a bar; and many people who “hook up” actually wind up having a long term committed relationship (I am not advocating this as a sure-fire means to find a long term committed relationship, mind you. I’m just saying it isn’t completely impossible).

The simple fact is that adults, especially those in a town as small as Athens, have very few places to go to socialize with other adults on a nightly basis. Bars are an easy answer because there are so many and because there is one to suit virtually every taste and personality. It isn’t that difficult to go into a bar alone. People naturally talk when they are sitting together at a bar, rather than say, wandering down an aisle at the bookstore, or contorting themselves on a yoga mat. The atmosphere is generally more suited to socialization. (Alcohol as a social lubricant has been an effective tool for a long, long time.) Yes, relationships are hard work, but meeting people doesn’t have to be. Of course you should try other avenues, like volunteering and taking classes, etc. But I don’t think bars can be written off so easily. I have met plenty of very smart, funny and datable men and women in bars, and if you count them out, you’re only limiting yourself.

I love my girlfriend of nearly four years to death. She does funny and witty things all the time, including breaking into song, often in public. I expect this from time to time and have learned to enjoy it. Here is the problem: she only sings TV and radio commercials, and recently I found myself sitting in a restaurant singing, "Stanley cleaners get carpets cleaner!" Oh God, what has she done to me? What has the advertising industry done to us? I have told her we must remain indoors until we can break our habit... Help!!!

Catchy Jingler

Your dead girlfriend is singing commercials to you and you’re worried about the effects of advertising? How about you lay off the drugs for a minute and see if both the girl and the jingles don’t go away? If that doesn’t work, there’s always good ole’ fashioned shock therapy.

I think I may have a problem. But then, it might all be in my head. Let me explain. I have been with the same woman for a couple of years. She is beautiful, smart, funny, we have great chemistry, we never fight about anything and we want the same things out of life. She has a child. I get along great with the child, though it is not mine. This woman is several years older than I am, but it has never been an issue.

Recently, she proposed to me and I accepted. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now I feel a bit strange every time one of our friends or family asks about how the proverbial question was popped. I don’t feel emasculated, but I do get a weird reaction almost every time I tell somebody that she asked me. I realize that it is uncommon for a woman to propose to a man, but it is not out of character for my woman at all. As silly as it is though, I have to admit to being tired of the reaction I get when I tell people. Mostly it seems like my female friends are more affected by it (and obviously more prone to asking, since most guys don’t really care about that stuff). So my question is, is my discomfort some kind of sign? Should I worry about it? Should I lie about the circumstances in the future? Am I overreacting?

Groom to Be

You are not the one who is overreacting, GTB. It seems like your friends, especially the females, are the ones who find this weird. I suspect the reason is that these women don’t imagine themselves proposing, and they may be a bit horror-struck at the idea that they would have to propose rather than being proposed to. Do not let their wishes be projected onto your impending marriage. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.

On the other hand, a wedding can be a big enough pain in the ass without one more thing for people to bug you about, so maybe you need to address this. Rather than giving too much detail about the proposal, couldn’t you just sort of brush past it, and then rush headlong into the details of the actual wedding, thereby distracting people from the finer points? Like, "Oh, it was at the base of the Eiffel Tower. You know, one knee, big surprise, etcetera etcetera. We’re trying to decide between eloping to Vegas and getting married by Elvis, or going to Graceland and getting married at his house.” That would probably be enough, but if it isn’t, just smile and get through it. Don’t worry about what your discomfort means. It just means you’re sick of other people, not your fiancée.

Jyl Inov

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