originally published March 5, 2008

I am 30 going on 31. She is 19 going on 20. I am a young professional and she is starting her second year in college. I find her very attractive and am intrigued by her (personality, taste and style and maturity level). We've only met in person twice and are connected through mutual friends. It's obvious I am into her, but not so obvious that she may, or may not be, into me. That is something I need to work on, in order to find out. Would it be wrong of me to try and get to know her better and to try and date her? Should I just realize my time with a person of her age has expired YEARS ago? I know many people feel that age is nothing but a number, and we share the same friends with an age range of 19-35. But something still tells me I should be ashamed of myself.

Sucker For Jail Bait

I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t pursue her. She is over eighteen. She is in school. She is mature. You have mutual friends. Where is the shame? Just keep in mind that even if she is interested, and even if you do successfully date, she is still growing and changing as a person and she will likely get to her “exploration” phase right about the time that you get to your “get married and have kids” phase; at which point she will dump you for either a dude with a guitar or another chick. In the meantime, though, have fun!

Hey, I have been going through a lot. It being my first year in college, I am trying to figure a lot of things out and have met a lot of frustrations. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the whole world. My question: How do I know when to let him in on my frustrations? I don't want to leave him out, but at the same time he does not deserve to be constantly loaded down. I think that it's just been recently that I have had so many frustrations in my life. I love him so much that I don't want to be a "downer'" if you know what I mean.

Crazy, But In Love

Is there any reason for you to believe that you complain too much? Relationships are about sharing the good and the bad, so you shouldn’t feel bad about venting sometimes. I suppose there must be a reason why you ask, though. Do you feel guilty about it? Has he stopped listening, or does he tell you that you’re being too negative? If that’s the case, maybe you need to find another friend to use as a sounding board, especially if you and he don’t share the same circumstances. (Like, if he spends his days outside mowing lawns or roofing, you probably don’t want to continue to bitch to him about how unfair your philosophy professor is, dig?) On the other hand, you shouldn’t leave him in the dark about stuff that really affects you, because he should know what’s going on in your life. If you really want to figure out where to draw the line, you should ask him rather than me.

My boyfriend goes to school in Las Vegas, and he's always going on about how much fun it is and the parties, etc. The only thing he ever said that made me a little nervous was how hilarious his friends are when they hit on girls. He tells me that they always sit around coming up with ways to get girls' attention. Once they brought ice pops (those flavored frozen ice treats) to a pool party when it was absolutely scorching outside. He said that girls were practically climbing over each other to get to his friends for a stupid ice pop. I pretty much asked him point blank how much he participated, but he said that he always just stayed off to the side and thought it was funny. So, I went out to visit him for a weekend. The first night, we just hung out around the house. His friends kept calling, but he blew them off. At first, I thought he just wanted to spend time with me alone. But the next day, when we were making breakfast, I went to get something out of the freezer and it was full of frickin' ice pops. It was like a bad inside joke. I asked him about it and he acted all dodgy. The rest of the trip sucked because I just couldn't get comfortable after that.

Am I being paranoid?

Yes, you are being paranoid. But your boyfriend has given you good reason to be. I would guess that he wants to break up with you, or at least to have an “open” relationship, but doesn’t have the balls to bring it up. So instead he tells you this elaborate story, claims to have had no part in the whole popsicle thing, and then leaves a whole box of popsicles in his freezer for you to find (and to draw your own conclusions about). Long distance relationships are hard enough to deal with when they are between two adults. Since you are obviously stuck with an immature twit, you are totally doomed. You need to end this thing right now, no questions asked, no guilt involved. You are fooling yourself if you think that he didn’t do that shit on purpose (and if he didn’t, do you really want to be with a guy who is stupid enough to tell you that story and then leave the evidence in his freezer and invite you for a visit?) Life is short and youth is shorter. Dump the dumbass and get yourself a nice local boy who saves his sweet treats for you.

Jyl Inov

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