originally published November 7, 2007

Recently I had a torrid affair with a married man in my department and got busted. I have tried desperately to revamp my image, but it’s rather hard when I am a very flirtatious person in general. I’ve noticed, however, that the few female friends I have made here will barely speak to me, probably because I’m sometimes extra, extra friendly with their male companions and they are intimidated because they know about my past. I don’t know that I can, or even want to stop flirting and coming on to guys who are taken because I’ve never been successful at attracting men any other way. Other than transferring departments or trying to make new friends, what should I do?

Angel Falls

Why exactly would you try to revamp your image, AF? You’re a self-centered, flirtatious husband-fucker who gets off on getting attention from men. Transferring departments would only spread your misery to more people. Stay where you are until you grow up.

My girlfriend and I were together for most of high school. She went out of state for school, I stayed home for a year, and things were okay. I went to visit her every other weekend or so (it’s not that far), saved some money, and then I went to school the next year here in Athens. Now I don’t have time to see her as much, and her car is pretty crappy so she can’t get here. Things have been getting harder. We have been arguing over stupid stuff all the time. I love her and everything, but I think it’s starting to get worse. We don’t see each other almost ever, and when we do, we always wind up fighting.

She sent me an email the other day and asked if I would think about trying to transfer to her school. I told her no way. She sent me a message saying we maybe should break up then. This all happened over a whole day - I got the messages between classes and she didn’t answer her phone. So I didn’t answer her message because I was upset. I didn’t want to talk to her so I avoided her calls. Now it’s been a week and I haven’t heard from her for a couple days. Are we broken up? Do I have to talk to her about it or can I just let it go? I’m kind of mad at her, but I think I know she’s right and maybe we’re just better off this way.

Confused

You definitely need to talk to her, C. Even though the two of you probably needed to break up, it shouldn’t be ugly. Neither of you has done anything wrong. You’re young, you’re busy, and you have other things to worry about. Call her up, make some time to talk, and break up peacefully. You have known each other for a long time and there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to remain friends.

This guy that I have been dating for a few months is being very confusing. He tells me he doesn’t want a girlfriend, only something casual, like two times a week. We get along great and this is not just sex - we do lots of stuff together. I would really like to see him more. I mean, I have my own life and everything, but I really like him and I would like to see him more. I feel weird about being restricted to a certain number of visits per week. Also, he always shows up when I am out with my friends. He knows what bars I go to, and we do talk every day so he usually knows what my plans are. So he comes in either by himself or with a guy friend. He’ll come by the table, say hi and chat for a few minutes, then go on his way. Then he’ll leave when I leave. Not with anybody else, but not with me, either. He just leaves and leaves his friend there and goes home. I know he’s going home because he usually calls me and asks me how my night was. I don’t understand why he does this. I would really rather spend more time with him, and he knows it, but then he shows up where I am anyway and doesn’t hang out with me. Is that weird? Do you think he actually likes me? I don’t think he is seeing anybody else, so I don’t know why he acts like this.

Not Girlfriend Material

I think it doesn’t matter whether or not he likes you, NGM. He’s playing games, and games are bullshit. Not wanting to be with you and then showing up where he knows you are going to be is weird. I might even describe the behavior as creepy, but I don’t know him at all, so I don’t necessarily want to pass judgment. In fact, I don’t know anything else about the guy, NGM, so I don’t know if he’s worth the trouble. But if I were you, I’d break it off with him completely for now. Tell him that you really like him but that you want a real relationship, and when he’s ready for that he can call you. If you’re still available, great. If not, it’s his loss. Just don’t waste anymore time agonizing over it. And maybe once he’s gone for a bit you’ll discover you don’t miss him after all.

Confidential to Birthday Girl

Are you kidding me? Came with the house? Honey, please! Can you imagine explaining handcuffs and chains to a real estate broker, much less a potential buyer? Your date didn’t know how to tell you he was into BDSM, and he wanted to see how you would react to his toys rather than just asking you how you felt about it. Weird, yes. Bad? Not really. If you’re into it, I would give him a shot. If not, he doesn’t seem hell-bent on it, so he might be dateable anyway. If everything else went well, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t see him again.

Jyl Inov

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