originally published April 4, 2007

While Jyl is off sunning herself on a beach somewhere, she left her trusty brother Jack at home with the computer passwords. As it so happens, she’s not the only one who made that mistake…

My boyfriend was out of town for a weekend and left his laptop at home. He told me there were a few downloaded TV episodes on there if I wanted to watch them. He made a point of telling me they were in the "music" folder even though they were videos. I know I shouldn't have snooped, but I clicked the movies folder out of curiosity. Lo and behold, I found his porn. Now I know all guys have their secret stash, although his wasn't very well hidden, but some of the stuff was of underage girls. He's in his 30s. I'm kind of disturbed, but don't know if I should say anything. What do you think?

Anonymous

By “underage,” do you mean “barely legal," as in girls who are 18 and made to look younger - or are we talking about kiddie porn? Either way, if it bothers you, you might as well mention it. Get it out there, clear the air and whatnot. Obviously he’s not worried about you finding it or he wouldn’t have told you to look at the computer. Yes, you snooped, and yes, that was stupid. But are you going to be able to drop it without saying anything? Probably not. If you feel better about it after the talk, great. If not, then I guess that’s it. You gotta break up over something, right?

I have been with my boyfriend for about six months. We just moved in together recently, and so far everything is going pretty good. The only problem is that he is still in touch with his ex. They talk on the phone every once in awhile, but they text each other pretty often. He says that he doesn’t, but I know he does and it bothers me. Why would he lie? This girl treated him like total crap and he was heartbroken for a long time, and now he’s talking to her. What gives? Should I be worried? Is this normal behavior? Am I being insecure?

Anonymous

You have a right to be suspicious, but don’t freak out. It is possible that he is only talking to her because he’s happy and she’s not. And it’s possible that he’s only hiding it from you because he doesn’t want you to get pissed. I mean, if he wasn’t serious about you, why the hell would he have moved in with you? Oh god, wait - he didn’t go straight from her to you, did he? Was there a break in between? Did he have someplace else to live? If not, you’re probably screwed. But if your relationship started in a good place and progressed naturally, then don’t sweat it. Just gently tell him that you know he is still in touch with her, and that his secrecy is making you suspicious. Ask him why he’s hiding it from you, and try to reassure him that he can be honest with you, even if this situation pisses you off.

I went on spring break with just my girlfriends. I have been seeing this guy for about a month, but he isn’t (or wasn’t) my boyfriend, and so I never really felt like I needed to be good. We didn’t talk about it, but as it turns out, that’s because he assumed that I would be. I assumed that it didn’t matter because we weren’t serious. So yeah, I was on SPRING BREAK, and it’s my last one, and I was with my friends. We got drunk, we got high, and I screwed around. Like, every night. The last three were with the same guy, who I totally liked, but I know I won’t ever see again. No big deal, right? Except when I get back, the guy I am dating starts acting all serious and treating me like a girlfriend. Which is fine, but now I feel like I cheated. Should I tell him? I really like him, and I want to see where things will go with us, and I’m afraid if I tell him he’ll hate me.

Confused

Look, Spring Break is Spring Break. We don’t capitalize those words for nothing. You’re a college senior (I assume, if this is your last one), you had just started seeing this guy… What can I say? What happened on Spring Break should stay on Spring Break. You shouldn’t tell him because it will only hurt his feelings. If you really like the guy, then see where things go. Whatever you do, don’t lie to him though. If he asks, you have to tell him. Honesty, best policy, etc. Don’t start this thing off on the wrong foot.

I can’t believe your advice to Desperate to Keep My Sweetie [March 28]. She should dump his ass immediately! He’s either going to cheat on her, or wait for something better to come along and then dump her and get on it. Why would she want to give him an option? She has to show him that he can’t have his cake and eat it, too. She should dump him and get a hotter guy herself. That’ll show him.

Woman Scorned

Well, since the advice in question wasn’t mine, I had to go back and look up the question you’re talking about. (Thanks for making me work harder, by the way). Look, you may be right, but I sense from the tone of your answer and the way you signed your letter that you are kind of pissed at the guy in question. You shouldn’t be. He’s young, he has only had a couple girlfriends, and he’s being honest. Isn’t that what you women always claim you want? More honesty? Don’t crucify the guy just because you had a bad experience. Also, consider the fact that the girl is only now thinking that “he might be the one,” because he might not be around much longer. These things are complicated. Jyl was trying to be gentle. The fact of the matter is that the guy is going to find somebody else, the girl is going to graduate and move on, and they’re both going to be fine. No matter how serious a relationship seems, when you’re that young, you have no idea what the hell you want. Or, for that matter, who the hell you are, or why you’re here, or anything else. And that’s fine.

Jack Inov

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