originally published November 22, 2006

My birthday was last week. For the past month and a half, I have been dropping not terribly subtle hints to my boyfriend at every possible turn to let him know what I wanted. What I wanted was not expensive, nor was it hard to come by, nor was it difficult to size (I tried it on when I was with him one time). I was being extremely obvious because this is the kind of help my boyfriend needs, and since he will be the first to admit that, I don’t feel bad about saying it to you, or him, or anybody.

It’s not a big deal, this failing of his, it is in fact a well-known trait that is a joke between us as well as our mutual friends. I have also taken care to make sure that my friends and his friends know what I want, since he has the habit of asking for input on every gift-giving occasion.

During these six weeks, the boyfriend has also been talking about something that he really, really wants. This thing that he wants is something that would affect both of us enormously because a) we live together; and b) it is alive, and upon purchase it would be living with us as well. I have been very hesitant about purchase of said living thing, as we are both very busy and I do not believe that this is a purchase that should be taken lightly. The boyfriend has been very vocal and persistent about his desire for said thing, and I have agreed to think about it, but have also gotten him to agree that we would at very least put off said purchase until after the holidays because we will be traveling then and “the purchase” could not easily travel with us.

I bet you can see where this is going. On my birthday, rather than opening a very lovely, much desired, virtually maintenance-free gift, I, of course, received the Thing That Must Not Be Named. I am really, really pissed about it. Not just because I didn’t get what I wanted, but because obviously, I got something that I very much DID NOT WANT. Now the boyfriend is acting like I am ungrateful because I don’t like “my present.” I think he is a selfish jerk for doing this to me and the Thing That Must Not Be Named. (I am going for a little bit of anonymity here, but I am angry enough at this point that I really don’t care that much). Look, I love Unnamed Living Things as much as anybody, but that doesn’t mean I want one in my house. More than that, I do not believe that we are ready to deal with one right now in a way that is fair and humane and best for it. Am I wrong? Am I just being ungrateful? What the hell should I do now?

Happy Birthday To Me?

Wow. Your boyfriend is a serious asshole, BB. And not only that, but he is also immature and selfish. I’m going to go ahead and assume you are talking about a puppy or a kitten here, and I agree with you that pet ownership isn’t something you want to enter into lightly. Just ask anyone who has had the pleasure of working or volunteering for the Humane Society or who has been down to Animal Control. Lots of people, especially lonely, immature people, think that getting a pet is like buying new shoes - “Just think how cute I’ll look running around on campus!”

What they don’t realize is that animals need more than just food, water and shelter. They need time, training and love, as well as veterinary care, and sometimes they need these things when you don’t necessarily have the time or money to provide them. What really sucks is that many of these people also think that they can dump off their pets the way they dump their shoes at Goodwill. Once they drop them off at a shelter (if they even bother to do that much), they figure that their job is done. This is why we end up euthanizing so many animals every week. (Sorry for getting off on a rant there, but this is a subject that is very important to me.)

Between the ages of five and 11, my sister suggested every year that we get my mom a puppy for her birthday. My dad, knowing that my mom was highly allergic to dogs and that they already had enough mouths to feed, was smart enough to say no. Was my sister being selfish? Of course she was, but she was a little kid, and that’s the nature of little kids. Your boyfriend is old enough to know better, and I think that this is a huge indication of his character. He got this “present” for himself, but he wrapped it up for you because he thought that would be a good way to force you into taking it. Not only is he not taking into account what you need or want, but he is not thinking about how your feelings about this are going to affect the animal. And on top of all of that, now he’s trying to make you feel guilty?!

If I were you, I would leave him and the puppy/ kitten/ whatever it is, because he obviously doesn’t care about what you want or what you think you can both handle right now, and he has shown you what he is capable of. Is this really a guy you want to be sleeping with? While you’re at it, you might want to take “your present” and see if you can’t find it a good home with a family who actually wants and can handle it, because something tells me that the jackass you are currently calling boyfriend will lose all of his enthusiasm for it once he realizes that he has to take care of it all by himself.

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