originally published September 13, 2006

Sorry kids, Jyl had to fly the coop this week. You know what that means, right? Yep, Jack it is.

First off, a note to "Saint." Grow up. What are you, 16? Second, what would cause a guy to lose excitability immediately before sex? Like say, he's aroused right up to the point and then he loses it... Is this common? Alcohol was not involved.

Curious

You know, it is possible that “Saint” is, in fact, 16, in which case he is probably acting his age. If not, he’s just a bonehead, but that’s what you get writing a column like this. As for the deboning, it could be a number of things, but I would guess that it's nerves. Since you didn’t really tell me anything about the dude, I might assume you don’t know too much about him, huh? In which case it was likely just nerves - you know, first time jitters. Give him another chance, and maybe get alcohol involved this time, eh?

Last week as I was putting away clothes in my live-in (for over a year) boyfriend's closet, I tripped over a bag that cut my leg. Curiously, I opened it up to see what did this to me. I found a bag full of tranny movies (like, 60) and women's lingerie with heels in his size. I'm not quite sure how to deal with this. I know what I want in my life, but have never entertained the thought of a tranny man. Now I know that if our love is strong, I should overlook it and accept it, but, honestly, I'm wavering and can't really say at this point if we have it. My question is do I mention my discovery, which will only make him defensive or do I plan another way to call it all off which makes me a liar. Help me.

SWF Not Looking For MSWF

You can’t exactly “overlook” a pair of heels that size, SWF. What you need to do is admit that you found the stuff and talk to him about it. Tell him you never really thought of him that way, but be willing to indulge him in the fantasy at least once before you put the kibosh on it. You never know until you try, right? Also, this may be a part of his fantasy life that he doesn’t want or need to share - maybe he just likes dressing up and prancing around when you’re not home. There’s no harm in trying, but trying to pretend like you don’t know is never going to work. And if this is going to wind up being a deal breaker, better to find out now rather than getting your lives more entwined first.

I recently found out my husband has been having epistolary love affairs with many women over the course of our marriage. He swears he never had sexual intercourse with any of them. (I guess at this point it doesn't matter. Emotional affairs are cheating.)

I know our marriage has had ups and downs, but every time we had a problem he retreated to other women by writing these love letters. (And they wrote back to him as well. I never saw his letters to them, but judging from their letters, he must have paid them some pretty saucy compliments.) He also claims he was pouring his creative energy into these love letters because he had writer's block and wasn't writing fiction. He says he doesn't know how to stop this problem. I feel like I am in relationship limbo. He wants to stay in couple's counseling and see how things progress. He wants us to understand each other. Meanwhile, I am thinking, "Should I trust this man for the next two or three decades to be a stable husband and father to our young child?"

Anonymous

The problem here is that he isn’t “technically” cheating - and a guy who gets busted doing stupid shit like this is always going to get into technicalities. Bottom line is he’s going outside of your marriage for attention from other women. It doesn’t matter why if he’s hurting you. On the other hand, you don’t necessarily want to jump ship with a kid newly in the picture. You definitely need to put a stop to the letter writing somehow. But also, ask yourself (honestly) why he feels the need to go behind your back to get this kind of attention? Is/ was everything okay before you discovered the letters? Are you romantically and sexually involved with one another on a regular basis? (I’m not saying this is your fault, by the way. I am just trying to figure out what his motivation may have been.) Is this guy a needy, insecure egomaniac in other aspects of his life, or is this the first you knew of it?

You didn’t say how long you’ve been in counseling or if you feel it has helped at all. Maybe you should see your own therapist and figure out how you feel and if you can forgive/ trust him again. I don’t think anything I can say in 200 words or less is going to help more than that.

During oral sex if the penis does not go at least two inches into the mouth, we do not have fellatio. Scientists agree: this is called "feaulati" and IS cool but not as good as a decent blow job.

Dear most helpful “new sex term” reader: Where the hell did you get this information? Is there a new science class I need to sign up for, or are you just in such dire oral sexual straights that you had to coin a new term? Either way, my sympathies. I can’t say I agree with you. I’d rather have quality than quantity any day. I looked up the word “feaulati” in Webster’s online dictionary, and what came up first was “faulty.” ‘Nuf said.

Jack Inov Got a question for Jyl (or Jack)? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.

Jack Inov

Got a question for Jyl (or Jack)? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.