originally published September 6, 2006

I seem to have a double dating dilemma. First of all, I'm almost a 40-something and am living in a college town of 18- to 25-year-old women, most of which I'm guessing don't feel like going out with their dad. Second, I'm not particularly attracted to most women my age and even if I were, where besides Waffle House would I find them? This isn't to suggest that looks are all that matter. I want it all - conversation, beauty, personality, personal philosophy, wit - any good quality a female could offer I want to devour it, but a few good ones are all I would expect. I tried online dating and burned through every single personal ad in the Athens area that appealed to me (and most in the Atlanta area) without a single bite. I've thought about going to events around town, but can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm for belly dancing lessons or five-minute lasagna recipes for the whole family. I don't really know people to go out with and meet others through. (On the bright side, I think I have qualities that some women would find appealing if they knew I existed. Women I know as friends seem to like me. I'll leave it at that, since I don't feel like boring your readers with self-praise. I am sincerely horrified approaching strangers, but can carry on a conversation once I know someone. It's not that I haven't had relationships - just not in a year or so. What do you think I should do? Just grow some sac, and hit on the next 400 women I see until some gal finally pauses for a second and thinks to herself, "Well, I guess he doesn't suck, maybe I'll give him a shot?" I usually like your advice to others, and am curious what you would say to me. By the way, would you like to go out sometime? (Joking). Thanks,

The Outside Man

Belly dancing and lasagna, huh? So there are no classes anywhere that interest you? What do you like? Because all I can tell you is that you have to do what you like to do in a place where other people might also be doing the same thing. Bookstore? Café? Gallery? Yoga? The gym? Live music? Sports? Also, I find it very difficult to believe you have burned through all of the women on the entire Internet. You’ve tried more than one dating site? If not, try more. If so, I don’t know what else to tell you. You’re just gonna have to suck it up and start asking people out. And by this I don’t mean blindly walking up to somebody you’ve never spoken to and asking them out. Go somewhere that you like, and start talking to people. See if you even like them before you think, “Well, she’s got great tits, I wonder if she wants to sit down to a meal with a man she’s never seen before?”

Okay, so I met this girl in a class and we hit it off. I asked her out, and we had a great time. We ended up going back to my place. Cool. So we made another date. This time, we went home together again, and when we got up to go to breakfast the next day, I met her roommate. Well, it turns out that her roommate was a girl I had slept with last semester. The girls both knew, and never said anything to me about it. Is that weird? I mean, I kind of like this girl, and now I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Nothing ever happened with me and the roommate except for that one night, but it wasn’t weird between us because it was a mutual decision.

No Casanova

Well, obviously you got a good review from the roommate or the girl would never have given you the time of day, right? It's not a big deal, really. If you had known, it might have made you feel self-conscious, right? And now you don’t have to worry, because if this one keeps coming back, you know that it's based on her impression and not what she heard from the roommate. Maybe this time the chemistry is just right. I say stick with it and keep doing whatever you’re doing. If it doesn’t bother them, it shouldn’t bother you.

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. This past summer, I went for an internship at a company in another state. I was gone for 10 weeks. Things were fine, and we talked every day and she did get to visit when I was first up there. We didn’t even discuss the possibility of seeing other people or anything. I thought 10 weeks was no big deal. I was really happy to be getting home, but when I came back her sex drive was completely nil. We used to do it all the time, and I was hoping that coming home would mean getting back to that. She said it’s because of her birth control (she’s on the pill now and wasn’t before). Should I believe her? Or is something else going on? I don’t mean to be suspicious, but this is a pretty big surprise. I don’t want to accuse her of anything, but my friends keep saying stuff and I am getting kind of worried.

Help

It could very possibly be that her birth control pills are affecting her libido. Different types of pills have different effects on different women. Hormones are really powerful, and they can really screw a person up. Before you ask her to make a switch, though, consider giving her some time to readjust to your presence. Be romantic, tell her she looks hot, show her you missed her. Maybe you could try to help her get in the mood with a massage or a foot rub. Wash her hair or give her a bath. Whatever you do, make sure you communicate and try not to put too much pressure on her. If things were good before, they can probably be good again. Nothing that you have told me is setting off any alarm bells.

Jyl Inov Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.

Jyl Inov

Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.