Reality Check

Matters of the Heart and Loins

originally published March 22, 2006

What do you think of MySpace.com? I’ve thought about putting my music profile up there, because everyone’s doing it and it does seem to be good for networking. But there’s also a bunch of freaks and skanky groupies on there, posting creepy blogs, that weird me out. It gives me an icky feeling. Is it just me? I should maybe mention that MySpace played a role in the demise of a relationship that was very important to me. (He profiled himself as single, though he was with me at the time. When I called him on it, he claimed it was an “oversight,” got really defensive, accused me of being psycho-jealous, then never spoke with me again.)

Not a Blogger

MySpace can be a really great way to meet people and network. Yes, it is full of skanks and groupies and whatnot, but you don’t have to add every person who sends a request to your friend list. As for the ex? He sounds like a lame douchebag, and you should be happy that MySpace saved you any more time with him. As of the time of this writing, there are more than 63 million members on MySpace. Are you really gonna let one asshole guy cut you off from all those possibilities?

I have or had what I thought was a girlfriend, but I found out she was sleeping with two other guys. She says that what she has with me is true love, that the thing with the other two is just sex. Should I buy into this?

Tom Collins

Probably not, TC, but if you’re going to, can I also interest you in a great investment opportunity? You can either come in for a free stress test, or just check out www.scientology.org.

I want an eye for an eye. It has now been just over a year since I broke up with my girlfriend and I should be completely over it by now. I’ve long since gotten over the broken heart, but my anger lingers on. We were only together for just over two years, but it was far from casual dating or puppy love. We discussed marriage and future living arrangements on a regular basis. A year into the relationship, I transferred to UGA to get the level of education I needed to be a candidate for pharmacy school. Although this separated us by just 75 miles, it was the beginning of the end. About eight months after I moved, she started becoming more distant and sometimes just plain mean. I thought that by working harder on being a better boyfriend, she would come around. I could not have been more wrong. For the final six months of our relationship, she had been sleeping with a coworker of hers back home. Instead of making things better, my efforts just pissed her off more. She had fallen for someone else, but could not figure out how to break it off with me. She never did, opting instead to abuse me until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Eventually, I did decide it was time to part ways, so I visited one weekend and gently let her go with a duet of sobbing and a big hug before I walked out the door. At that point, I thought I had failed miserably despite my best effort. After a month, I called just to chat and catch up and she had her new boy answer the phone for her and threaten me for no particular reason. The explanation came when I learned nine months after the fact that she had been cheating on me for the last quarter of our relationship. The cheating in and of itself doesn’t bother me. What does is my inability to judge peoples’ character and the unnecessary cruelty with which I was treated. I have been contemplating revenge for quite a while now. I am not talking about keying a car; I want long lasting anguish that might equal a 10th of what I felt. I am willing to spend a great deal of money and time on this in order to get some “peace” of mind. I am patient and would be very sneaky, so that I would never be suspect, and my plans don’t include felonious activities. I don’t think karma is enough to balance things out in her case and the little fire burning inside me might finally be extinguished if things were fair and square. I know it’s not the high road, but my pride in being the victim has not helped me at all. I guess my question is: do you think I would get any real satisfaction from this or would I just be prolonging my anger by keeping it fresh in my mind?

Unsigned

Okay, first of all, get a grip. Your letter would be scary if it weren’t so ridiculous. You have obviously not “gotten over” anything. Of course you were hurt, and of course your heart was broken, and yeah - you were pissed off. But after almost a year, you’re still contemplating revenge? C’mon, buddy! What the hell do you mean by your “pride in being the victim”? And what exactly do you believe will make you feel that things are “fair and square”? Look, you got a raw deal and that sucks. But relationships aren’t always fair and they usually don’t end well. Fuck that girl, man! Why waste so much energy even thinking about her?! Seriously, the time and thought that you put into this letter is more than she deserves from you. You have got to move on. If you need professional help to get there, so be it. But knock the psycho shit off or you’ll have the cops poring over my damn computer and knocking on your door.

Jyl Inov Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.

Jyl Inov

Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.