Reality Check

Matters of the Heart and Loins

originally published December 14, 2005

I’ve known this guy, let’s call him John, since I was very young. We’ve always sort of had a thing for each other, and even dated for six months a few years ago. We’re now seniors in high school, and I’d really like to go to prom with him. The problem with all of this is that he has a girlfriend. I’m not sure how to pose the idea to him, especially since we’re still a little iffy about our friendship after an almost-relationship a little while ago. Any ideas?

Clueless in Love

You should definitely tell him how you feel, but I wouldn’t expect him to do anything about it right away. Guys - especially young, emotionally immature guys - have a difficult time dealing with their real feelings. This is especially true when they see themselves as still in their “looking around” phase. If you have been friends for a long time and you have a dating history, it is likely that even if he really likes you and sees you as the ideal woman, he’s not ready for you yet. So go ahead and lay it on the line. Don’t get too serious or he might freak out, but let him know that you really like him and that you’re aware that it isn’t probably possible, but that you really would like to, etc. etc. etc. Then be prepared to stand by and watch him experience his late teens and early 20s before there is any chance of a real relationship. I’m not saying that this is necessarily what will happen, but it’s pretty likely. In the meantime, find yourself another prom date and have some fun.

I have been in a relationship for about two years with a girl I really like. Although my friends are always telling me I could do better (saying she’s mean to me, not that she’s not cute enough or whatever), I really like this girl, and she is the first real girlfriend I have had since high school. The problem is that there is a girl that I am friends with who has recently expressed some feelings for me that I don’t know what to do about. She is super cute, and I really like her, and I suppose if I was being honest, I would admit that I have a crush on her, but I feel bound to my girlfriend. My friends say I am crazy and I should go for it. If I was single, there would be no question, but right now it just seems wrong. What do you think?

FB

I wonder what makes your friends say bad things about your girlfriend? Are you really happy, or are you just used to her and comfortable and afraid of being alone? If you are really happy, then you are absolutely right to ignore them. But if your girlfriend is really a bitch and you do deserve better, then maybe you should think twice. Not that breaking up with the girlfriend and going straight to somebody else is a good idea, but hey - you’re young! And cute girls are fun when you’re young!

How well do you know the other girl? And how close are you? Maybe you should spend some time alone and then see what happens with her? I dunno. Sounds complicated either way, but good luck.

What exactly does one do with a used vibrator? I know it sounds silly, but I just bought the thing on-line and it looked so cute and it had all of the controls I wanted - and then I got it and it was like a fucking lawnmower! Seriously - it’s loud enough to distract form any pleasure (which is very little, as it is rather jarring) I might get from it. But I only used it for like five minutes. It’s an 80-dollar toy, and I hate to see it go to waste! I can’t return it because it is not technically broken. Any suggestions?

Uh… yeah. There’s a reason why you can’t return that shit if it’s opened, you know. Unless you have a really close friend who is slightly deaf, or you’re comfortable auctioning it off to total strangers (I’ll bet there’s somebody somewhere who’d pay good money for that if they knew where it’d been - but I am too afraid to think about who that somebody might be), you’re just going to have to chuck it out and chalk it up. Maybe going to the store in person next time is better? That way you can get a feel for exactly how well (and how loud) the thing runs before you buy it.

I was at a bar the other night with some friends, and I only had about three or four drinks. (I know everybody says that, but I am absolutely certain, and I assure you that I am a professional and have no need to downplay numbers for my own or anyone else’s sake.) Anyway, in the course of this evening, which lasted at least six hours, I completely blacked out and lost time. I later found out that I had not in fact passed out, merely that I had no recollection of entire conversations and events for a period of maybe three hours. When I related this story to some friends at work the next day, one of them said that she had heard the same story from several people recently, and that the experiences were both at bars and at parties. So I assume that somehow I got dosed, even though I knew 90 percent of the people that were anywhere near me for the entire night, and I assume that the same thing has happened to several people who may or not be spreading the word. I just wanted to caution your readers again to keep an eye (and a hand) on their drinks at all times, no matter where they are or whom they are with.

Anonymous

After I got this letter, I discussed it with several people I know who have heard a few stories like yours recently, so I followed up on them. The folks I have talked to are both men and women, and hang out in many different crowds at different bars and parties, etc. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to when or where it’s happening, which makes it difficult to give specific advice about how to avoid it. Thanks for the heads up. And readers, spread the word: let’s be careful out there.

Jyl Inov Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality check button at www.flagpole.com.

Jyl Inov

Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality check button at www.flagpole.com.