Matters Of The Heart & Loins
Reality Check
Matters of the Heart and Loins
originally published November 9, 2005
I've only been living in Athens since July, so maybe I haven't looked hard enough. But, so far, I'm appalled at the extreme lack of female-friendly porn stores. Where can a girl go to rent decent porn? I love Vision Video and all, but they are severely lacking in the erotic department. Help!
Love, Frustrated
There are a number of locally owned video and/or porn shops, honey! I don't want to show favoritism, so I'll just advise you to look in the phone book and shop around. If you're still unfulfilled, try www.wantedlist.com, a porn-only rental company based on the Netflix model.
I'm sure you get these sorts of letters all the time, but I feel that my case is unique in its statistics. You see, EVERY man that I have been interested in over the years (and I mean EVERY man) has been thoroughly not interested in me. And if that wasn't enough, he pursues either one of my friends or tells me about how he likes another girl. As for why I've had such bad luck, I've been told I'm too tall, too intelligent, too loving, too pretty. But aren't those attractive qualities? I really need your help and I'm not looking forward to yet another Valentine's Day alone and bitter.
The Unjolly Green Giant
If you're already looking toward Valentine's Day in November, then your problem isn't about your height, your looks, your brains or your luck, honey. You're just desperate, and men can smell desperation from a mile away. So while you may seem nice enough to confide in, short enough to stand next to, and pretty enough to look at, no man in his right mind is going to let you get your hooks in. They see you as a potential stalker. You've got to relax and be comfortable being alone before anyone is ever going to be comfortable with you. Either that or you're not nearly as pretty and smart as you have been led to believe and people are just trying to be nice. Maybe it's a personality thing. Are you so insecure that you've become overly self-deprecating? Are you possibly so bitter about relationships that you are wearing it on your sleeve? Or maybe you're just annoying? If you have some close friendships, then you are capable of having a relationship. You just haven't met the right guy. If you don't, then ask yourself why.
My wife and I used to have a great sex life. We've been together for a number of years now (I don't want to say how many because I don't want her to read this and freak out) though, and it seems like we only do it every once in awhile. There are varied and obvious reasons, but mostly I would say the problem is our schedules and stress levels. Now I feel like I'm going to go crazy or do something bad if things don't change, but I don't know what to say because it's been this way for so long. Can you help me?
Married, Not Dead
Don't give up, man. It is likely that your wife is just as frustrated as you are, and that she feels just as helpless about how to fix it. My advice? More caffeine, less sleep, a professional massage - hell, all of the above wouldn't hurt. Talk to your wife, but not in an accusing way. Make a plan together. Do whatever it takes. Make the time, lose the sleep, ease the stress, and then just do it. You'll definitely feel better, and once you get started again, you will probably sleep better and have less stress, which will lead to more opportunities, which will help you sleep better, which will ease stress… do you see where I'm going with this?
So I was looking around on my girlfriend's computer for something the other day and I ran across some porn. It was a little freaky, to be honest, and I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, it wasn't like kiddie porn or anything, but there were things on there that I can't believe! We have been together for a long enough while now that I would think she would have somehow told me or let me know that this was the kind of shit she was into. Now I don't know if I can satisfy her, or how (or if) I should talk to her about it. She knew I was using the computer, and it isn't like it was exactly hidden or anything, so that's not the problem. I just don't know if I was meant to see this stuff or not, and if I was, what it means.
Whoa Nellie
Okay, first thing's first: Are you sure the porn is even hers? I mean, I know it's on her computer, but does she have a roommate or a little brother with access to it? Was it previously owned? There are a lot of possibilities.
Also, don't assume that whatever she may or may not have been looking at (and presumably whacking off to) is necessarily something she wants to actually take part in. The things that we get off looking at are not necessarily things we want for ourselves, you know? That said, even if she would want to participate in the things she masturbates to (about?), that doesn't mean she needs these things in order to get off.
Should you approach her about this? I don't know. Is she normally fairly open about sex and masturbation and her fantasies? If she isn't, you may just embarrass her and ruin everything. Or she may deny any knowledge of said material. On the other hand, if this is something you can't get past, you may need to speak up and get it off your chest. Better sooner than later, right?
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button over there.
Jyl Inov
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Reality Check
Matters of the Heart and Loins
originally published November 2, 2005
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