Matters Of The Heart & Loins
Reality Check
Matters of the Heart and Loins
originally published July 20, 2005
I keep having this recurring dream where I am in bed with a woman…, then suddenly she turns into a man… I have never had a bi experience. Could this dream indicate a psychological or biological proneness to such? If it does, should I follow up on it?
Chris
Honestly, I don't buy into the whole Freudian dream-reflects-desire thing, Chris. If I did, on a weekly basis, I would be going back to middle school naked and forgetting my locker combination, right as I'm about to take a test for which I am totally unprepared. Just take it for what it is, and try not to freak. If you have a real desire for a bi experience in your waking life, then start thinking about it. Otherwise, just let your subconscious do what it has to do and try not to over-analyze.
What is up with girls who must always be around someone? I've noticed that many girls are often attached at the hip to one of their friends and that during the 1% of time when they are not, they must be around someone else. What is wrong with them? Are they immature, co-dependent, insane or what? If a girl like this can't spend a minute of her day by herself, then isn't it likely that she has some sort of an issue? If she doesn't want to hang out with herself, then why should anyone else?
Still Looking
I'm not sure if this type of behavior can be attributed to a serious psychological issue, SL, but is definitely not an unusual phenomenon. And with the advent of cell phones and the addition of unlimited calling and rollover minutes, I'm afraid that the independence of young women everywhere is at stake. I find it hilarious that so many people (girls especially) are so eager to get out of their parents' house and on their own, but they can't go grocery shopping without jabbering in the ear of their best friend from fifth grade every five minutes. I don't think this makes them insane or co-dependent, but it certainly doesn't make them a very interesting person, and it makes them a lousy date. Immature? Yes. But also easy to spot - and therefore easy to avoid.
My boyfriend recently bought me a ring for a gift, and it is totally freaking me out. He said it didn't "mean" anything, but it was expensive and I am afraid to wear it, because I feel like some kind of kept woman. Is that weird? I know most girls dream of having a ring on their finger, but I don't want to wear it, because I feel like I'm lying or something. I do love him, and I don't want to break up or anything, but this thing is making me claustrophobic.
Help?
Hey there, Ringie. If the boy said that it doesn't "mean" anything, then it doesn't MEAN anything, get it? Unless he goes around saying one thing and doing another (or expecting you to understand that he means the opposite of what he's saying) often, then don't sweat it. If you have been together a long time, he probably just wanted to get you something nice. Had you mentioned it before? Is it a particular design that he knows you like? Is it your birthstone? I guess if you hate it because you really don't like jewelry, or because it just isn't your style, then try trading it in for something that is. You have to either be honest (perhaps brutally so) or suck it up and wear it because it's from him and you love him. Seriously. Quit being such a girl and get over yourself. Male readers, take note: sometimes a ring isn't just a ring. If it is, tell her. Then tell her again. Possibly consider telling her a third time. And then hope that she actually believes you. If she doesn't, then consider upgrading to a model that can compute. Or buy a nice necklace, or a pair of sunglasses, or some nice lingerie. It shouldn't be that hard.
Love your column. I'm a UGA student trying to kill an obsession with one of my fellow students in my major. I screwed it up big-time and she thinks I'm a total creep, well-deserved. I've done the whole avoidance game, but it doesn't work as we have classes together. I try to go out to dinner with someone and there she is, eating away. I was a nervous wreck and the whole dinner was a sad joke. How do I get this girl out of my head, when I can't avoid her? It's just as annoying as that Kylie Minogue song.
Obsessed Depressed Wreck
You just have to decide to get over her and do it. Frankly, you sound like a total creep, even more so because you admit to being creepy. "Obsessed" is not a flattering word to use to describe yourself, man. Allowing this woman to play such an important role that she ruins a date with somebody else is not only unhealthy, it's scary. If you were that tense about it, you should have left the restaurant when you saw her - especially considering the fact that you were not alone. You obviously can't avoid her without disrupting your life, but you have got to learn to stop placing so much importance on her. Are you happy in other aspects of your life? If you're focusing all your energy on her to avoid other realities, it is probably time to get some professional help. There are counseling services available through the University and I am sure they have dealt with this stuff before. Good luck.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry via the Reality Check button at www.flagpole.com.
Jyl Inov
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Reality Check
Matters of the Heart and Loins
originally published July 13, 2005
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